How much should you tip a waiter?

~ Alfred Tech

I’ve changed my strategy over the years, but I do not subscribe to automatic tipping. 20% is the max and it goes down from there.

10% Deductions

  • If the waiter attempts to show off and not write your order down and either get
    the order is wrong or has to come back to verify the order.
  • If your food has hair(s) in it, deduct an extra dollar for coarse curly hair(s)
  • If the silverware is not clean
  • Your salads arrive a minute after your appetizer
  • Then your meals arrive a minute later.
  • Another dollar if you still have no silverware.
  • If you touch any of us.

2% Deductions

  • If the waiter gets your drink order wrong
  • If the waiter brings your change in a bunch of small bills without you asking
  • The waiter asks if you want change, no matter the bill denomination
  • You have to ask for your change
  • If your change is greater than you should get. (a bit presumptuous are we?)
  • If your waiter comes back twice within a minute asking if you are ready to order.
  • Your table has leftovers from the last meal encrusted on the table.
  • When you order water and they never refill it. (I’m cheap, but I’m still thirsty)

1%

  • For each minute your drink is empty
  • If the waiter asks _how you guys doing_ when you have your mouth full.
  • Ask if we “saved room” for dessert after we requested for a takeout box.
  • If the color of the ink for signing the bill is other than blue or black
  • You ask for Malt Vinegar and you get Red Wine Vinegar.

100% (yes, I will ask you for money or a free meal)

  • Spill something on me or my family.
  • Drop food while carrying it to the table and put it back on the plate.
  • Sneeze on the food in front of us.
  • Use a smart a$$ response while we order.
  • Curse and Complain about the restaurant or your boss within earshot of my kids.

Extra Credit

  • Smile
  • The waiter doesn’t write down the order and gets it correct in every way
  • Recommend something that you’ve actually eaten there.
  • Act like you enjoy your job
  • Remember our names

I know being a waiter is a tough job. I’m guessing because I dislike tough jobs, so I’ve never been a waiter. You have to put up with jerks and picky eaters and people who don’t tip well regardless of great service. Don’t work there just because it pays well, do something you enjoy. If you hate being a waiter, go find something else to do so that you don’t ruin the restaurant’s reputation.  The customer isn’t always right, I know that firsthand. Customers are stupid and unreasonable and sometimes need a free side order of batter-fried crumbs with their long john silvers fish planks. Is that so much to ask?

What kind of things cause you to reconsider your tips?

Published by Alfred Tech