How to behave at a Traffic Light

 

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Almost a wreck action shot

 

  • There is a white line indicating where you should stop at a red light. That is not for you, but for the car behind you. Get your whole car into the intersection!
  • If you’re the first car, now is a good time to check your smartphone and catch up on text messaging. This will allow you to miss when the light turns green causing the person behind you to beat their steering wheel until their hands are a bloody pulp.
  • If you’re second in line, watch the perpendicular light as it progresses towards it’s tertiary state. At the split second before the light ignites green, honk your horn mercilessly! If a response is not obtained in no less than nanosecond, start beating your hands on the wheel until they are a bloody pulp.
  • If you are trying to make a left turn and there is no leading green, gun it through the intersection before the other driver has a chance to start.
  • If you are trying to make a left turn and the light is about to turn yellow, get out in the intersection! Attempt to clip the oncoming cars rear bumper as your final act of aggression.
  • If you need to make a right and there is one car in front of you, use the sidewalk or grassy area.
  • If you are arriving to a 4-way stop and another car is approaching, it doesn’t matter where the white line is. It matters who stops first. One car could be at the white line, but if you have about 50 feet before you get to the white line and you stop first. Go! It’s your turn!