How to use a public restroom

I’m so lonely

Whenever I’m on the road and see a travel center, they seem to tout the cleanliness of their restrooms. You will see a glowing red sign which reads “Clean Restrooms”.  As it turns out, it’s actually a notification that the restrooms are in need of care. It seems like everyone is following the same rules when using a public restroom.

  1. If there is no toilet paper use the paper towels, use extra as to clog the toilet.
  2. Don’t pick up any paper products from the floor, even if you dropped it. Gross
  3. Never flush the toilet, even if you have to pile on. Who knows how many people touched that handle before you. This will encourage the owners to upgrade to autoflush. What are we living in, medieval times?
  4. Don’t lift the seat, even with your shoes. If you have to B-1 Bomb it, make sure you lay a few paper towels in the water as a landing pad.
  5. Don’t bother washing your hands, the door handle will just defile them
  6. It’s not your job to wipe down the sink, what are doing near the sink anyway?
  7. If you must wash your hands and they don’t have a Dyson Airblade, now is a good time to practice free throws into rubbish recepticle. Don’t forget rule #2.

One day, I hope to live a world where everything is automated.

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