This always happens the last part of a trip.

IMG_0409

It never fails, you’ve been on the road for hours upon hours. You’ve tried to hold your urine as long as possible because you want to make it home without using another filthy gas station toilet. Last twenty minutes or so before you reach your destination, a car darts out in front of you. There was clearly no one behind you for 30 miles, but they felt this was the best chance they had to enter the roadway. This causes your brake pads to become one with the rotors as it sends your leftover Popeye’s chicken crumbs flying on the dashboard.

They are in no hurry either! They cautiously slow down at every side street just in case there is someone dumb enough to pull out in front of them. By now you can feel the bladder distension and infection forming from all the Pilot Coffee that has been brewing in there all day. You then realize this person in front of you lives just down the street and you will be following them all the way to your house. Don’t hold it too long or you may get a kidney stone. Time to look for one of those empty coffee cups.

Is it really your pleasure Chick-fil-A?

IMG_0291
I know they are required to say it, but it sounds so disingenuous and rehearsed. I wonder if they have a code word similar to people at Disney World when they say “Have a magical day”. Maybe “My Pleasure” is the code word and they hate all their customers. Maybe I’ll just stop saying thank you and save them the trouble.

I used to avoid Chick-Fil-A. I realize now that was a mistake, but let me lay the groundwork to my insanity. Growing up there was only one CFA in West Virginia that I knew about. It was in the Huntington mall and they handed out free samples near one of the entrances. As a principal, I don’t trust restaurants who hand out free samples. Probably because they’re leftovers or food that fell on the floor. Also, I don’t trust stores that don’t have a brick and mortar establishment. Like those mall kiosks in the middle of the aisle when they jump in your path and try to rub lotion on you.

Back in 2008 is when I had my first exposure to CFA. My only concern is that I didn’t expose myself sooner because now I can’t stop myself from having CFA on a regular basis. It’s a cheat day staple. Since we’ve had kids it’s almost been a weekly trip to keep the addiction going. I wish they would branch out and open other restaurants. I’m sure I could get used to “Cow-Fil-A” or “Pig-Fil-A”, or maybe even “Trout-Fil-A”.

They’re growing up too fast…

 

http_a.amz.mshcdn.comwp-contentuploads201507tallestman-20

He grew up too fast

People are always saying this about their children. However, it’s very sad to me. Usually, people say this when they haven’t seen your kids in awhile because of the lapse in time periods makes it seem as if the child is growing at an alarming rate. It’s even worse if a parent says this about their own kids. It makes me think that you are not paying attention to your kid. Unless you are injecting your kids with HGH or they have a pituitary gland disorder then your kids are probably growing at a normal pace for a human. Or maybe it’s just a figure of speech, who knows!

 

Off to greener pastures…

DSC01508

This is usually said when someone goes off to a new job. But you need to be careful. There may be a ton of cow manure that is causing the greenness. The greener pastures idea is nice, but eventually, the greenness will fade and you will start looking for the new and shiny again. Learn to be content, unless your life is in danger with your current job or it’s causing you to lose your family. Money isn’t everything, flexibility and PTO though, that’s another story.

How to selfie the right way.

IMG_1549

Please remember to look at the camera lens and not the image on your screen. It does make a difference. The selfies where your gaze is slightly askew is annoying. It’s even more irritating if you have a group shot and everyone is focused on themselves on the smartphone view screen. Think about it. You don’t go to Olan Mills and look off to the left or right (that’s for Glamour Shots only), you look at the lens!

Stop telling your kids they’re doing a good job

Not sure why this phrase bothers me so much, but I hear it used all the time when parents praise their kids. I guess because typically you get paid for a job, but if you are not handing out paper with your praise, then here are a few alternatives that I consciously express towards my young ones.

  • Good work
  • Great effort
  • Fantastic accomplishment
  • Superb achievement
  • Impressive performance
  • Majestic results
  • Glorious showing

Just a few to get you started. Feel free to correct other parents.

When’s the best time to buy a new car?

If you have a television and you watch commercials for car dealers, they tell you right now is the best time to buy with incredible savings. However, if you wait another month you will get the best savings of the year. Then the next month it will be the absolute best time for rock bottom prices that will never happen again in all of eternity. If you keep waiting for the best sale of the year it will never happen and you will keep driving your beater until it falls apart.

The best time to buy a car is when you need one. If you are paying a monthly repair cost that equals a car payment and you are inconvenienced by the constant time of your vehicle being in the shop, then it’s time to start looking. There are plenty of websites that will help you negotiate the best deal possible.