Why you should never wear flip flops.

IMG_1221It’s that time of the year again! Well actually, to some people, the time never left. Flip flops are not meant to be worn anywhere but poolside or at the beach. As a matter of fact, you really shouldn’t be driving in flops. People are bad enough at controlling their vehicles, let alone with some dangling footwear. So, change into your flops when you get to the pool or beach.

In Public

Why take chances that your little piggy that went to market will be crushed by a wayward buggy or a can of spinach falling from an end-cap.

Take good care of your feet if you are going to expose them to all of humanity. A festering, infected, ingrown toenail doesn’t need a flip-flop, it needs a doctor, especially if I can smell it.

Why is it that people who wear flip flops barely have the energy to lift their feet from the ground and shuffle around like a patient who just had a double hernia operation? I guess that’s better than the natural sound a flip-flop makes. Couple that with someone who knows how to chew gum and you have a one-man band of flappy clappy snappy annoyance.

Flip Flop Relatives

I don’t understand the house shoe or “slipper’ out in public. You know what I’m talking about, the slipper that has transformed into a slide because the person has mashed the heel because inserting the foot completely into the slipper was such an arduous task.

The finger shoes don’t make sense to me. “It’s like walking barefoot!” I’m pretty sure humans invented the shoe because we got tired of walking barefoot, stop trying to devolve.

Closing

In this crazy world, we live in, you never know when something will burst into flames and shards of glass will be covering the floor. You should always be sure-footed, laced up and ready to help those whose feet are lacerated because they didn’t want to spend the extra time putting on proper footwear.