If Martin Luther were still alive

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Everyone complains that Christmas stole from the pagan religions, but in this case, it’s Pagans who took over this holiday. He wouldn’t go door to door asking for candy. He would go to every door in the neighborhood and tack 95 theses to the door explaining how everyone is ruining “All Hallows Eve”.  It’s better than the bag of 95 feces on my doorstep. Happy Reformation Day!

Most Offensive Halloween Costumes

IrishMan

How about a drunk Irish guy with Leprechaun? Irish are pretty safe to make fun of, or they really don’t seem to care if you do, they will probably just beat the crap out of you if they get offended, which is rare.

Tub of Guts suit. What’s funnier than a fat person, right? I guess if you can dress as a skeleton then corpulence should be fine.

JesusMan

Jesus is about the only religious figure left that’s safe for ridicule (but not for all eternity). He’s the most tolerant of all the deities, and he died for your sins, so why not tempt fate and your eternal soul with a little blasphemous masquerading. Plus, it might be helpful to keep those demoniacs bound while you trick or treat.

In light of what’s appropriate or not for Halloween, we try to dress ourselves and children in costumes that won’t offend. Well, at least most of the population that don’t get offended. You know, like Fat Irish Christians.

Should you Celebrate Halloween?

bunch of candies

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I’m not talking about from a religious but a practical perspective. Here are a few reasons to skip it.

Buying a costume

My kids get clothes for their birthday and Christmas. Why should I buy them an outfit for a single day that will rip within a week after? If you must have a costume, make one out of clothes you don’t like can go as “ungrateful person who has too many clothes”

Buying candy

Candy is overpriced from September 1st to October 31st. However, if you want a good deal on candy, wait until November 1st and stock up. Who cares if there are pumpkin-shaped Reeses’ in your Christmas candy dish.

Having too much candy

There is too much candy in the house and it’s everywhere. It ruins your ketosis and sometimes your relationships if strategically shared.

Neighborhood gorefest

People that live near you will put up haunting displays of violence and paganism. You have to drive past it everytime you leave for your volunteering at the senior community.

Super Simple Sunday Sausage Gravy

It doesn’t have to be difficult. Well, it can be if you decide to scratch make your own biscuits from flour you’ve harvested and milk you’ve pulled from the cow. You can also raise your own pigs and grow your own herbs, invest in a meat grinder and create your own sausage. That’s pretty much how the description goes for any Food Network show that creates this dish. Not worth the effort. Here’s a quick fix.

  1. Cook as many Pillsbury Grand buttermilk biscuits as you desire
  2. A roll of Jimmy Dean Sage Sausage, brown it, don’t overcook it
  3. Cover the browned sausage with 1/4 cup of flour
  4. Pour in 2 cups of whole milk over the floury sausage
  5. Add some salt and pepper
  6. Let it get thick and bubbly
  7. Cut the biscuits in half and pour over the sausage gravy.
  8. Eat it
  9. Or you can put it all in a Vitamix blender with a bit of extra milk and have a Sausage Gravy Shake.

Top ten travel ball clichés

  1. Every single dugout cheer ever, all teams do the same ones, not every team is “unstoppable”
  2. The parent who is cursing at the coach for their kids playing time
  3. The stat keeper who is advising the coach what player should be in the lineup
  4. The bleacher coach who is overriding the coaches play.
  5. The grandparents who are cheering for their player for sitting the bench the whole game.
  6. The e-cigarette guy who is blowing vapors in the stands, because he says it’s not a real cigarette.
  7. The concession stand junkie who it constantly chowing down on greasy treats
  8. The travel ball pro who has tents, yeti coolers, and fans powered by generators.
  9. The kid who is an emotional wreck after every minor error or who cries after she goes deep and they catch the fly ball.
  10. The football fan is watching the game rather than his child.

Annoying homeschooling question #4

accomplishment ceremony education graduation

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4#. When is your last day of school?

The short answer is when they leave for college. Schooling all year round is important for the whole mastery thing. Giving breaks is important too, like going to Disney World or other big theme parks when everyone else is in school and we have the run of the place.

Annoying homeschooling questions #3.

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#3. How do you have the patience to homeschool your kids?

When people ask or say, “I just don’t have the patience to homeschool my kids”. Let me tell you a little secret, we don’t either. But life’s all about overcoming our deficiencies right?  Now think about how much patience it takes for one teacher with a classroom of forty kids just like yours.