I’m not talking about saving a ton of money but saving a bunch of time by not clipping coupons. It seems like every time I try to use a coupon the cashier reads the fine print trying to find a loophole so I can’t save 10%. I don’t clip coupons from a newspaper either. Yes, they still sell newspapers despite all the tree-hugging that goes on in this world. All the food advertised is terrible for you. I have yet to find a coupon for grass-fed beef, broccoli, or a bag of pinto beans. Instead of clipping digital coupons and adding them to your BJ’s membership card, how about taking a play out of Costco’s book. Just put your items on sale.
Coupons make you spend more because most have a threshold to meet. You end up buying something you don’t need as a filler because you needed to spend $100 to get $20 off. It’s really simple math, just take your hourly wage and calculate how much you lost because you could have been earning. Save a ton, don’t clip none!
Spiders are about the only thing that really creep me out. I guess it has something to do with eight independently moving legs. Growing up I was tossing a towel into the hamper and noticed something squirming in the background. After closer inspection I uncovered a nightmare nest of a mother and about five million babies spiders that were alive and kicking.
There was only one way to dispose of this horrid web of terror and I knew the perfect weapon. Since my sister was in the habit of teasing her hair to it’s length to create an afro of curly stickiness, I grabbed a can of Aqua Net. I then located one of the numberous lighters that ignited Dad’s lung candy. I was fortunate enough not to burn our home down, but I gave them a hurricane of flame broiling that turned them into the crispiest of critters. The cremation ceremony was finalized with a quick flush of the deceased. My family was now safe from a pending arachnid avalanche for whoever emptied the hamper.
I think it’s hilarious that vinyl has become popular again. For the longest time it was all the rage and the only thing that existed. Did you ever listen to a 78 speed record at 33 and a third, it was quite amusing. Cassette tapes made music portable and CDs made it even easier to abuse other’s ears with your terrible music choices via your car loudspeakers. Now that we have music on our phones, you can carry a Bluetooth speaker inside of every building and force your horrible music on everyone’s eardrums.
I’m sure the people who are buying turntables and listening to vinyl are the same people who use typewriters at Starbucks. I think the next logical step is for people to install floppy drives into their computers and trade files via disk. USB is too mainstream.
I’ve got a pretty sensitive nose and I’ve always smelled everything since I was a kid. I have no idea why but whenever I pick something up no matter what it is I smell it. Smell is also linked to memory somehow, so I guess that’s why I have a good memory.
Here are a few top choices for worst smelling things
The back of my ear after I forget to wash there for a few days (take your index finger swab the length of the back of your ear and try it)
A blackhead that you can’t reach on your back that has been growing without your knowledge until your wife wants to dig it out with a pair of tweezers.
A sippy cup of milk that has been under the seat for months until the stink escapes the one-way valve.
I used to own a toy called a Stink Blaster, fun to play with at work, but had to keep it in a zip lock bag in the garage.
I know one smell that is supposed to smell good is leather. However, I now have a bad memory associated with the smell of leather. Back in 10th grade my biology lab partner who would wear a leather jacket and forcefully belch up his stomach aromas at the desk. So now when I pass Wilson’s leather store at the outlet mall, I can also smell the school salad bar and whatever meat product they were serving that day.
Probably the worst thing I’ve ever smelled is when I got home from school one day in Nitro WV. As soon as I got out of the car it hit me like a sack of soiled diapers that had been set out on the beach during the summer months. We finally tracked down the source. Apparently, there was a dead cow on the hillside and it was halfway decomposed and apparently exploded.
Groundhog day is one of those special times of year where we all wait for a woodchuck to give us the forecast of how much longer we have deal with seasonal affective disorder. Don’t worry, spring will be here soon enough along with all of the allergies to go with it. Then you have summer heat exhaustion to look forward to. How about you just enjoy your present moments. Don’t put your trust in meteorologists or prognosticating rodents but rather a system we’ve all agreed upon.
Urinals are great for allowing an expedited transaction almost anywhere. However, there are a few important things to keep in mind to make everything go smoothly.
Look toward the ground when approaching the urinals (especially if other are urinating)
No eye contact, look at the wall in front of you. Some places have TVs!
Make sure you get all the fluids into the urinal, no one likes a slip and slide on the way to the drain
Don’t spit your chewing gum into the urinal, remember someone has to clean that out.
Do not make conversation.
Do not vomit into the Urinal
Do not defecate into the Urinal
If it’s a manual model, only execute a flush if the content color is that of water collected in a rusty bucket. “Save a flush”
I would say wash your hands but sometimes your man-parts are cleaner than the wash station at some restrooms. Just remember to use the hand sanitizer when you get back to your car or use the one you carry in your holster.