Spiders are about the only thing that really creeps me out. I guess it has something to do with eight independently moving legs. Growing up I was tossing a towel into the hamper and noticed something squirming in the background. After closer inspection, I uncovered a nightmare nest of a mother and about five million babies spiders that were alive and kicking.
There was only one way to dispose of this horrid web of terror and I knew the perfect weapon. Since my sister was habitually teasing her hair to its length to create an afro of curly stickiness, I grabbed a can of Aqua Net. I then located one of the numerous lighters that ignited Dad’s lung candy. I was fortunate not to burn our home down, but I gave them a hurricane of flame broiling that turned them into the crispiest of critters. The cremation ceremony was finalized with a quick flush of the deceased. My family was now safe from a pending arachnid avalanche for whoever emptied the hamper.
The Daily Irritant 
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