Should I buy a new tv or fix my current one?

Remember when you would visit your grandparents and they had the huge oak box with a TV in it? You go back to visit 20 years later and the same TV is still playing reruns of Andy Griffith. What happened to those quality-built TVs?

In 20 years I’ve owned a bunch of television sets. Every single one has failed me. You can’t get them repaired because replacing a button costs $500 and a new TV will cost you $550. So just toss it into the landfill and get some new tech.

I bought a $4,000 HDR UHDTV recently and it has been worth every penny of digital currency. If granny were still around she would probably fuss about me sticking my face so close to the screen to see those glorious pixels.

Keep shopping while you wait to check out…

Nerd glasses are now cool

Recently I was picking up some eyeglasses at Costco. Side note, if you don’t have insurance for your eyeballs then Costco is the way to go for exams and corrective lenses. When I got to the counter and the lady asked how could she help me. From the other side of the showcase, a lady said she was here first. Yeah, she was there first but she was still shopping and trying on glasses for her child. She was there first but wasn’t in line to pay, there is a difference. It’s like going to the grocery store and getting there when the doors open, shopping for hours, and cutting in front of someone who just arrived and got their items and is ready to check out. People love the FIFO system, but sometimes LIFO is relevant.

Also, Why are the horned-rimmed glasses from the ’50s and 60’s so popular? The same glasses that labeled you a nerd then are making you cool today. Strange world.

How to deal with going bald…

Nice hairline!

I’m not talking about going bald naturally. I’m talking about people who are shaving their heads on purpose while they clearly have a full head of hair. I get it, it’s super convenient to shave your head so you have one less thing to prepare for the day. But you need to cherish every hair on your head before it’s too late.

Coming from someone who has lost many hairs over the years there is nothing more frustrating than seeing the stubble line of someone with a full head of hair while my scalp looks like a mid-summer lawn that has been ravaged by grubs.

Do Irish people get offended easily?

Irish people just deal with things. They don’t make a fuss about much. Can you imagine if an Irish person would complain to the management of a store over racial stereotyping because of this costume? They would get laughed out of the store. Then again, if this were a slave outfit and it was sold as such how long do you think it last on the shelves? There are ethnic groups that are safe to ridicule because there is a history of suffering and tolerance. If you are an Irish Christian, then your tolerance levels must be off the charts.

This is a pretty good soap though!

If you really think about it, St Patrick’s Day is one of those holidays that has taken a turn for the worse. Most people complain that Christians stole their pagan holidays. But in this case, Pagans have overrun a Christian holiday. While it was once a celebration of St. Patrick converting people to Christianity in Ireland it has devolved into a wannabe leprechaun drunken depravity fest with torrents of green beer. Irish people should be offended. But they aren’t, because they don’t care.

Tasting food for a second time.

There are some foods that you can never eat again after you puke them up. Even foods that you once called favorites. However, this is my favorite salsa and you can buy it at Costco. It’s so good that I will keep eating it even though I puked it up once.

One evening after work I was trying a bunch of free samples at Costco and went home to eat a hefty taco salad covered with this salsa. Well, the taco meat and the crab cakes I sampled didn’t get along too well so they decided to abandon ship. The salsa made it look like I was vomiting blood. But let me tell you this salsa is so good that it tasted just as good on the way up as it did on the way down. Give it a try!

Changing some of the Golf Rules

Is KFC the 10th Hole?

The pace of play in the game of golf has become ridiculous. I will refuse to play on the weekends unless a family member is visiting. I know it’s all about making money regardless of skill level, but I believe there should be some local course rule changes to adapt to the times.

Spread out the tee times

Stop booking tee times ten minutes apart. Even the best players have difficulty finishing a hole in 10 minutes or less if they are walking.

Seniors day

If you have a group of four eighty-year-olds, don’t let them go out first and put them in front of four groups of scratch golfers.

Amateur day

Have a specific time of day when you let amateurs and kids play. Spread the tee times about 30 minutes apart to allow for lost ball searching and hitting 3 topped shots out of the fairway.

Walker Wednesday

Some of us don’t like to ride in a cart. We don’t want to be intimidated by carts trying to run us over in the fairway.

How to deal with Gray Hair…


I’m not talking about naturally gray hair, but people who are purposefully coloring their hair gray. Ask them why their hair is gray and for what reason. Just tell them if you want gray hair you don’t get it from a box, you just need more stress in your life. Give it time!

How to turn Netflix autoplay previews on or off

Dear Netflix,

Thank you for providing us a way to turn off the automatic music and previews when we browse for shows. The auto preview usually flashes up the most gratuitous violence or critical plot points. I understand having the theme song or overture for the movie, but this made-up music is terrible. It gets even worse if you share the same music across different movie titles. Yes, I know there is a mute button, and I’m glad there is finally a way to stop the mini trailers.

Things to NOT say at funerals…


They died too young.

Who are you to say when someone is supposed to die? Do you magically know everyone’s expiration date? People aren’t cartons of milk.

They are in a better place

I know we aren’t supposed to judge, but isn’t this the worse kind of judgment? From a Xian perspective, this is the kind of judgment Jesus told us not to make, this one is delegated to him. It’s between Jesus and the departed.

They are no longer in pain

Really? How do you know what death is like, it might be the worst pain you’ve ever felt during the transition. You have no gauge because you’ve never died.

They are no longer suffering

Suffering is relative so how do you know they were suffering before? Maybe they were having a good time from their point of view.

Asking for stuff

I don’t know what the grace period is for asking to take the departed’s belongings, but when they are lowering the coffin into the grave is probably not the best time to ask if you can have the flat screen from their living room.

Depending on your worldview some of these things could be true. Again you are making a judgment that you are not qualified to make.

How to go to sleep earlier

I once read a letter to the editor in which someone complained about having an extra hour of daylight because it ruined her garden. During the “spring forward” many complain about losing an hour of sleep. Well if you go to bed one hour earlier you can counteract this discrepancy. You might say, “I have trouble falling asleep!” Well, I’ve had my wrestle with insomnia, and let me tell you about this product. Non-habit forming and not as dangerous as radioactive butterflies. I had my rounds with prescription sleeping pills and Melatonin works just as well if not better than anything I’ve tried. They smell a little bit like death, but maybe that’s why they’re so effective. As the wise old Nas used to say. “Sleep is the cousin of death”.

Side note: I don’t understand why people are always saying this. “Ah, I slept like a baby last night”. I don’t consider a good night’s sleep including waking up every two and half hours to either poop in my pants or needing something to eat. I think it’s time we started sleeping like grown-ups.

Don’t forget to set your clocks on your range and microwave an hour ahead before you go to bed. If you rely on those electronics to wake you up.