If Disney Ran the United States

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Mr. Walt and his running mate for 2024

Can you imagineer the possibilities if Disney ran the country? There would be pros and cons of course. I guess it really depends on if you are a fan of Disney.

Healthcare

Healthcare costs would skyrocket, but you could at least reserve a fast pass for the emergency room. How awesome would it be to immediately hop on a paper-covered table to be examined while others have been waiting for 90 minutes for a 3-minute diagnosis? All your medicine would cost four times as much. However,  you can pay a premium if you want to guzzle your Robitussin from a souvenir cup.

Immigration

It would be too expensive to enter the United States and you would have so many people complaining “I wish I could afford to go to the United States”. Maybe there would be blackout dates where you couldn’t stay in the country. The truth is, every Main street USA would be packed to capacity, but at least it would smell good with Disney bakery exhaust.

Taxes

There would be no taxes whatsoever because there would be limited choices of high-quality items that are out of everyone’s price range.

Disney National Parks Service

Since the entire country would essentially be Disney Country, Walt Disney World and Disneyland would essentially just be like any other national park. All the other National Parks would get an upgrade as well. Can you imagine a giant slide into the Grand Canyon or the Haunted Mammoth Cave?

Transportation and Infrastructure

If you’ve ridden Spaceship Earth at Epcot, you would see this future vision of automation fast-tracked. Peoplemovers would drop you off at work after you’ve been dressed by a Carousel of Progress robot. We would have automobile safety on par with Tomorrowland Speedway because all our cars would be on rails so we couldn’t knock each other into the ditch. However, all of America’s roadways would be exactly like Orlando traffic to encourage you to take those Peoplemovers.

Enough with the Daylight Savings

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St. Simon Island Sunrise

I once read a letter to the editor of a newspaper in which the person was complaining about springing forward. It was causing too much sunlight thus destroying their garden and lawn. I agree with this person. I think it’s time to stop springing forward. Let’s keep falling back though. Each fall we should continue to set our clocks back. How cool would it be to have our days and nights mixed up for a few years like newborn babies? To be honest, let’s start a petition at the White House to stop springing forward and back and just leave the clock in the spring forward position. Let’s let God handle the daylight.

Favorite Driving Microaggressions

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Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com
  • Using your blinker just as someone enters your blind spot, so they have the impression that you will run them off the road
  • Excessively using your wiper fluid so that it sprays on the car behind you.
  • Staying in the blind spot waiting for someone to enter your lane as you are inches from their rear bumper
  • Hanging your cigarette hand out of the car window
  • Not repairing dents and dings so others know you don’t care what happens to your car
  • Easing two wheels on the line as to look around the car in front of you so that you can see what the holdup is.
  • Driving in the middle lane, and riding close to the line when a car passes as if there are magnets in your side panels

Fall Chili Recipe to Warm Your Bones

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Now that we are well into winter and the big game has arrived, it’s time to warm up your bones with a super bowl of chili. Well, if you make this recipe, it will warm the marrow of your bones.

Ingredients

  • 2 lbs Ground Sirloin
  • 1.5 Cups Frozen Red/Green Peppers and Onion Mix
  • 1 can of Rotel with lime and cilantro
  • 2 cans of Fire Roasted Tomatoes
  • 1 large can of Tomato Paste
  • 2 Cans Dark Red Kidney Beanss
  • 1 Head Garlic
  • 2 Cups Cilantro
  • 1 Cup BBQ Sauce (I like Kraft Kansas City)
  • 16oz Beer (I use Guinness Draught)
  • 1 Cup Taco Seasoning (I use McCormick)
  • 3 tbsp of Cumin
  • 2 tbsp Chili Powder
  • 1 Large Jalapeño
  • 3 Red Habaneros (optional)
  • 1/4 tsp of Dry Carolina Reaper Dust (optional for pain)
Setup
  • Wrap the garlic in aluminum foil and put in a preheated 400 deg oven for 30 minutes
  • Fire up the grill and make two large patties out of the ground sirloin sear on both sides
  • Spray the Jalapeño and Habaneros with Extra Virgin Olive Oil and roast on the grill until soft.
  • In a large pot, use bacon fat to cook pepper/onion mix until onions are translucent
  • Add Sirloin
  • Add Beer
  • Add Rotel, Paste, Seasonings, BBQ Sauce, Beans
  • Take Roasted Jalapeños, Habaneros, Garlic, Cilantro and chop with a food processor, then add to the pot
  • Add the Reaper (Optional for extra heat)
  • Simmer for 1 hour.
  • Let cool to room temperature transfer to a bowl
  • Store in fridge overnight to let all flavors get to know each other
  • Reheat in crockpot
  • Enjoy
Next Day
  • Preparation H Cooling Gel
  • Tucks Medicated Pads

Top 5 Driving Distractions

pexels-photo-230554.jpegTexting

I’m sure in the “good ole days” people use to read the newspaper during their daily commute. Before the cell phone in the 80s, people had to string two dixie cups between their automobiles to better communicate with their fellow man. Texting has made everyone look like a drunk driver swerving all over the road. I can’t wait until VR devices are augmenting reality while driving.

Eating

What’s better than waking up on time and sitting down to breakfast with your family? Well, the answer is balancing a bowl of cereal in your lap while trying to navigate 3 lanes of traffic because you missed your exit that you take every day.

Beating your children

If you don’t have one of those fancy DVD players integrated into your vehicle, then your kids are going to be wild. Make sure you have something that will reach, you gotta keep at least one hand on the wheel

Vanity

You can’t check your mirrors enough! Point it towards you so you can’t see the 18 wheeler bearing down on you because you want to make sure your eyebrows are even. Impossible.

Advertising / Traffic Messages

Remember texting and driving? Well, billboards that flash, blink, and require reading are just a bad. How is this any different? They will gladly tell you how people have died while texting and driving as you read the stats and tumble end over end into a ditch.

Is couponing worth your time?

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Coupon Fairy Delivered!

I’m not talking about saving a ton of money. I’m speaking about saving a bunch of time by not clipping coupons. It seems like every time I try to use a coupon the cashier reads the fine print trying to find a loophole so I can’t save 10% on a bag of cat litter. I don’t clip coupons from a newspaper either. Yes, they still sell newspapers despite all the climate normalizing tree-hugging in this world.  All the food advertised is terrible for you. I have yet to find a coupon for grass-fed beef,  cruciferous vegetables,  or a bag of dried pinto beans. Instead of clipping digital coupons and adding them to your BJ’s membership card, how about taking a play out of Costco’s book. Don’t make it a game, just put your items on sale with no coupon required. The only coupon I clip is the checkbox next to the subscribe and save selection on Amazon.com

Coupons make you spend more because most have a threshold to meet. You end up buying something you don’t need as a filler because you needed to spend $100 to get $20 off.  It’s really simple math, just take your hourly wage and calculate how much wage you lost during that time. Save a ton, don’t clip none!

Best way to cook a steak.

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Weber Grill at the Weber Grill, Chicago

I’ve been eating steak since before I had teeth. Anyway, that’s what my hope is. My thought is my parents would put a freshly grilled steak in the blender and feed it to me in baby food form. However, in my adult form, I’ve adopted the reverse sear method of cooking a steak. It’s very easy and gives you consistently delicious results. Because of this method, my spouse will remind me to never order a steak if we go out to eat.

  1. Purchase a 1″ thick steak. Ribeye or New York Strip is my favorite cut. I’ve been using ButcherBox for a few years. It’s expensive but the quality and convenience are worth it.
  2. Get yourself a quarter sheet rack pan (allows airflow)
  3. Cover the entire steak in coarse kosher salt. This is a wet aging process to pull some of the moisture out of the steak.
  4. Place steak on pan and rack and refrigerate for 8 to 10 hours. (flip it about 4 hours in)
  5. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. I’ve been using the super smoke setting on my Weber Pellet Grill for about 10-15 mins on a cold steak. The smoke flavor is unreal
  6. Cook in the oven or smoker until the internal temperature reaches 115-120 degrees. This is at the blue rare stage. Pull it sooner if you want a rare steak.
  7. Rest for 10 minutes, you too, you’ve been working hard
  8. Coat the steak in peanut oil and add more seasoning if you like, I suggest Montreal steak or a simple coating of coarse black pepper. You need something to help build a crust.
  9. Heat your grill as hot as it can get. My Weber goes up to 600, but you want a minimum of 500 degrees for searing.
    1. Alt Method: Heat a cast iron skillet as hot as you can, but don’t touch it with your index finger. To know it’s ready, drop a few beads of water in the skillet, if they disappear immediately, then it’s ready.
  10. Sear on both sides for about 45 seconds to 1 minute. While adding a few spoonfuls of ghee to give it some extra juice.
  11. Rest for 10 more minutes.
  12. Eat your steak, it should be nice and medium rare with a nice crust on the outside.

How to argue on social media.

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Do you know someone always on the opposite side of your opinion? I’m not talking about your spouse, it’s supposed to be that way. But someone who always starts out their response with “Well, actually…”

Star Wars vs Star Trek, DC vs Marvel, Republican vs Democrat vs some weirdo 3rd party, Christian vs Pagan (Don’t even get me started on the Religious subcultures, that’s an issue that loses more friendships than any)

Some people like to hear your opinion first so they can play “devil’s advocate” and get on your nerves. It’s tough to be friends with people like this. How do you deal with it? Well, you can always ask a bunch of follow-up questions if they are the type of person that makes statements. The best way is just to keep quiet and not share your opinions. Someone can’t shoot you down if you don’t give them any ammo. Read Twitter posts, and Facebook status, and just grin and move on. But you can’t right? So if you must be right all the time, unleash your best with no mercy and enjoy no friendships. Remember the Devil’s advocate is just another demon.

How to respond to important text messages.

My text message response time is quicker than ever before because of the new iOS features. But as you can see there are still ways to distract your driving friends. Just type “urgent”, really? That’s all it takes to derail your friend into the ditch? The easiest way to drive yourself into oncoming traffic is to simply turn off the feature.

But how quickly do you respond to text messages?

  • Spouse and Children = Within 30 seconds
  • Parents and siblings = Within the hour
  • Coworkers = within 2 hours (if you are dumb enough to give them your personal number)
  • Friends = Depends on if they need something, if they do, then never respond.

Is gun control the answer to gun violence?

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Drugs used to be illegal, but people still did drugs. Abortions used to be illegal, but people still killed their children. Guns don’t commit crimes, people do. Can you control people? No, you can’t. Can you control guns, drugs, and abortion devices? Yes, you can make them challenging to get for the average person, but people will still find a way to do what they want. You will not be able to fix this world with man-made laws. You can do your best to contain people with legal boundaries, but the depraved nature of man will go beyond that. One of the first acts of murder ever committed was done with a rock, kind of hard to ban those. People will always find ways to kill each other. It really sucks.