Your daily dose of all things irritating
It puzzles me when someone says there is no such thing as absolute truth. I’ve found that to be absolutely false. There are two universal absolute truths in this world and here they are.
It’s fantastic that retailers still do mail-in rebates. Instead of offering a rebate you just offer a lower-priced product by the rebate amount. You will move more products and not bait and switch.
I don’t clip coupons because they are a waste of time and I won’t purchase a product, cut out the barcode, copy my receipt and wait for the mailman to steal my rebate. Western Digital still owes me $50 from 1998 for a 500 MB hard drive.
As part of my traveling and tournament soft/base ball essentials, this SoftPak 20 will almost fit under the ice maker at most hotels. If you angle it right you can obtain a direct feed from the ice mouth. I will also take along my Yeti/RTIC tumbler to fill up with rabbit turd ice from a Pilot/Flying J Travel Center.
Both Yeti and RTIC tumblers are great, they keep your drink cold for beyond a reasonable amount of time. They also keep your coffee hot and undrinkable for far too long a duration. I’m sure in about 10 years there will be a study that shows how we are all dying from stainless steel poisoning caused by a manufacturing defect from China. However, you will have money by choosing RTIC.
We all have that friend who doesn’t know how to set up their social media accounts. Here’s a technical tip to allow yours to infinite loop post to all of your accounts.
This should cause all of your social media account to continually feed each other all the horrible content you produce and cause mass unfriending. Enjoy…
If there isn’t already there should be a LOL day. There is a holiday now for every occasion, so why not for LOL’s. For an entire day simply put LOLs in the comment section for all your social media friends. Don’t bother reading the posts, just put LOL. Should be fine no matter what. Don’t just type LOL, but literally LOL. I mean LOL from the belly and make everyone think you are insane just for one day of the year.
If you are married then stop calling it a date night. You are no longer dating, you are now married. Unless you are unfaithful or you focus your evening eating a bunch of phoenix dactylifera then it’s just a night out with your wife, husband, wife and, husband, or whatever our country had defined two wedded partners to be.
Also, stop calling it babysitting your kids when your wife has a “girls night out”. Also, they are women, not girls. At least call it Ladies Night so you can get the Kool and the Gang song stuck in your head.
Yes! Eggs are good for you, yolk and all. But of course, people are taking it too far. Everything has an egg on it. Watch any episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and you will see any number of dishes with an egg in there somewhere. Do you know what goes well with eggs? Bacon, that’s it!
How do I cook my eggs? Glad you asked.
Fried
Fry a few strips of bacon over medium heat, remove bacon, leave grease, turn off the heat let cool down for a minute or so. Add 2 eggs, use either kosher salt, black and cayenne pepper (Or Tony’s). Once the egg white is not clear, gently flip it over, turn off the heat, and cook for another 2 minutes, this won’t overcook and still give you a nice warm runny yolk.
Scrambled
Whisk 3 eggs with a dash of heavy cream and water in a large cup, and add to a low-heat skillet with melted clarified butter or bacon fat. Move around the pan and make your chunks big or small, just don’t let them stick. Or don’t move it at all and have an omelet.
Boiled
Put a dozen eggs in a pot in one layer, add 1/4 tsp baking soda, and cover with 2 inches of tap water. Bring to a rolling boil and cook for about 2 minutes. Cover and remove from heat and let stand for 12 minutes. Drain off hot water and fill the pot with cold tap water. Let stand for 5 minutes. Crack each end of the egg, they should be super easy to peel. Cut in half and add a dash of the previously mentioned seasonings.
Poached, no thanks, if I wanted to eat snot I would expose myself to one of the 100 things I’m allergic to and let the mucus fountain flow.
Some schools are now using your taxpayer dollars to put WiFi on the school bus. This is can have its pros and cons.
The Pros
The convenience of GPS Tracking of the bus to know where your kids are. You can get alerts via text message when the bus arrives so you don’t have to waste your time at the bus stop. Having WiFi could keep the kids quietly in their seats. Reduces the amount of face-punching to other students and or bus drivers since the kid’s occupied with their devices.
The Cons
Cyber bullying would skyrocket. Think of all the passive-aggressive ways kids could be mean via social media to their fellow bus passengers. Why get up and punch someone in the face or body when you can emotionally destroy someone on InstaFaceTok?
This person is asleep at the gate when you are waiting on the plane. They somehow wake up long enough to get inside the plane (before you), and when you walk past they are already sound asleep. They sleep through snack time but sometimes wake up for burnt coffee and moldy nuts. This person is not sleeping they just don’t want to talk to you or let you get up to use the toilet. Or maybe they are dead.
Recommended Gear:
I’ve switched to Nike Dri-Fit Golf Shorts. They keep the swamp crotch down to a minimum. Combined with Bullpen underwear and there’s no need for adjustments. Unless you want to.
Thank you cargo shorts for being part of my capsule wardrobe for such a long duration. However, if I ever have the need to be groped by a TSA agent, then I will wear you through the checkpoint. Maybe I’ll pair you with a Scottevest so that everyone misses their flight while they search my 500 pockets.
The Daily Irritant 
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