Every holiday, state troopers begin setting up sobriety checkpoints to decrease the traffic flow from sloth-like to gridlock. Here is what you are supposed to do. Give the officer your license and answer their questions. Here is what you don’t do. Trust me.
Have a scotch scented air freshener
Ask if there are any escaped convicts on the loose
Don’t take their picture
Don’t talk about their gun
Don’t say things like “You need a license to drive?”
If there isn’t already there should be a LOL day. There is a holiday now for every occasion, so why not for LOL’s. For an entire day simply put LOLs in the comment section for all your social media friends. Don’t bother reading the posts, just put LOL. Should be fine no matter what. Don’t just type LOL, but literally LOL. I mean LOL from the belly and make everyone think you are insane just for one day of the year.
I have a long track record of ruining valentines days. Probably the worst is when I sent my bride-to-be dead black roses. I ordered them from a fresh cut flower place online. I guess they cut them wrong. Instead of telling my fiancee that I loved her, I was sending her a message of death.
One year I didn’t realize that a certain restaurant needed reservations for Valentine’s day. So after being mocked by the host, I ended up picking up Taco Bell. We used our wedding china, which was more romantic than The Melting Pot.
One year, I had to visit a client for work. Both of my children had fits of vomiting and diarrhea. I’m still not a VD fan, so I don’t do anything. By default, it shows neglect and is worse than even attempting it.
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