Most Oversung Christmas Songs

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Which song do you get tired of first? Is it Jingle Bells, Frosty the Snowman, Winter Wonderland, Rudy the Red Nosed Reindeer? Technically, these aren’t really Christmas songs. They are more of winter songs which don’t have any tethering to Christ. Watch any Christmas movie and you will probably hear 700 different versions of Jingle Bells and by the end of the week after Thanksgiving, you are ready to quit Christmas music.

I used to prefer the Christmas “hymns”, songs about the savior which is the whole reason for the season. However, there are very few new songs and they contain terrible theology or Americanized to the point they shouldn’t even be canonized into Christmas. I stick to Christmas instrumentals now so I don’t have to hear some new artist destroy a classic by over singing.

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Hottest Christmas Gifts of 2018: The GrandPad

This is hands down the most condescending ad of the year and worst gift idea at the same time. Maybe they want to be isolated from technology. Your older family members prefer you come to visit them in person rather than seeing your digitized face on a screen. You can’t hug a tablet and get your oxytocin.

They don’t want to see you on a vacation they weren’t invited to. They don’t want to watch you bake cookies, they want to be in the same room with you. I know some families live far apart, but what kind of person lives far away from a family member who can’t operate an iPad.  If it’s so easy, then why does it have a support feature? Let me get this straight, you buy your family member a GrandPad that’s simple to use, but you won’t even help them if something goes wrong?

Another thing, if you are going to share big news about your upcoming pregnancy over facetime video then I hope your elder family member can handle the emotional surge and doesn’t have a medical emergency right in front of you. Maybe that support button will come in handy if it ties to LifeAlert.

Teaching your kids about Santa

Today marks St Nicholas Day. There is no better time to teach your children about who Santa really was. We decided before we procreated that we would not pretend that someone came into our house and left presents for our children. It’s not fair to them or us because why does some stranger get credit for all the good stuff? Plus, we don’t have a chimney, so how does he get in? Well, I guess it’s easier nowadays since Amazon has access to your house and can open your door and leave packages. Maybe Amazon is the new Santa?

How did I learn that Santa wasn’t real? Well, during my 2nd grade class we all were talking about Christmas and I mentioned that Santa was bringing me some Star Wars toys. The entire class erupted in laughter and began shaming me about believing in fairy tales. You know, kids are mean and cruel, much like adults when you talk about Jesus today. When I confronted my mother, she unvieled the falsehood of father Christmas. This created a seasonal schism that altered my holiday happiness for years to come. I don’t want that for my offspring. I want them to build lasting Christmas memories without any trauma. Well, other than what my parenting already provides.

There is a drawback about not playing along with the whole Santa song and dance. You have to be cautious that your children don’t ruin Christmas for their friends. But the main reason we teach the real Santa, is we want them to know the real Jesus. We want them to focus on the greatest gift to this world and not on trinkets that will gather rust. We didn’t want them to one day say. “If Santa isn’t real, then is God real?”

How to Tell If Someone Doesn't Like a Gift

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Here are a few things to look for when someone opens your gift.

  • They look at the tag of who it’s from in preparation for disappointment.
  • The older the gifter is, the likelihood of disappointment of the giftee goes up.
  • The puzzled look on their face once they open it.
  • They look at all sides of the box
  • Open the box all the way and start to investigate to see if there is another present in there you are going to surprise them with.

It is far better to give than receive because you feel better about giving crappy presents than receiving a terrible one.

Stop calling it Turkey Day

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Deep Fried Turkey

Since everyone is offended these days and it’s disrespectful to the turkey. Turkey’s have it rough, they are big, fat, and serve no other purpose than to feed large families a couple times a year.

I’m not a fan of turkey. I’ve been pushing barbecue for Thanksgiving and this year I’m serving a beef brisket. I’m not going to serve it until everyone has a heaping plate of turkey meat. Once we all sit down and I have brisket all up on my plate people will ask, where was that? I will be like, “Ah, thought you all wanted turkey, and condescended at the idea of barbecue.”

Ask before you wish a happy holiday…

chalkboard surrounded by christmas gifts
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For some reason, I started asking people first if they celebrate a holiday before I give them warm wishes. Or I’ll say something like. “Well, if you celebrate Thanksgiving, then have a happy one. Otherwise, enjoy doing whatever you do with the days we mark as a national holiday”. I don’t assume everyone celebrates Thanksgiving or Christmas, to do so would be oppressive right?

It also gives me an out because if I wish someone a specified happy holiday then they have the chance to say. “Oh, I don’t celebrate that particular holiday because it’s racist or hateful towards a certain demographic”. I don’t want to hear any of that garbage. I guess I will just keep my warm wishes to myself until someone tries to offend me with their merrymaking.

If Martin Luther were still alive

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Everyone complains that Christmas stole from the pagan religions, but in this case, it’s Pagans who took over this holiday. He wouldn’t go door to door asking for candy. He would go to every door in the neighborhood and tack 95 theses to the door explaining how everyone is ruining “All Hallows Eve”.  It’s better than the bag of 95 feces on my doorstep. Happy Reformation Day!