Category: Social Issues

Is it safe to hold in a fart?

~ Alfred Tech
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St. Louis Gateway
Fart Capsule

I usually don’t recommend holding in a fart, but if you can consciously help it, then don’t let it out in one of these places.

Close quarters
Such as the gateway arch transport, there is no escape and it’s just cruel to unleash your cloud of hatred here.

Church
Most churches have padded chairs, but you might find one that has old wooden pews. Just blame your pillar of cloud on the spirit moving you, many churchgoers won’t quench the spirit.

During an MRI
You absolutely can’t move and it might destroy the image they are trying to capture. Plus only you get to smell it, and that’s no fun.

Elevators
I know it’s cliche, but if you must, wait until you are about to get off. It’s the quickest way to move your stink from the ground floor so that people on the 13th floor can enjoy it.

Doctors Office
It’s probably the easiest way to get the doctor to enter the room. Once you unleash it they will enter and probably put you on a probiotic regimen. Bonus points for holding it in after a prostate exam.

Getting a tattoo of a shoe

~ Alfred Tech

I don’t understand why so many people are getting tattoos on their feet. Nor do I understand why people want to expose their feet and draw attention to them with a big flower. If your work doesn’t allow tattoos, you can silently rebel by getting one that you can cover with a sock. Maybe you can get a tattoo of a shoe so you can not wear shoes at work.

There is no absolute truth?

~ Alfred Tech
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It puzzles me when someone says there is no such thing as absolute truth. I’ve found that to be absolutely false. There are two universal absolute truths in this world and here they are.

  1. If you complain, someone will jump in to tell you they’re worse off than you.
  2. If you brag, someone will jump in and tell you how much better they are than you.