Fancy resorts go that extra mile.

When your toilet paper is folded, you know that your resort really cares. It’s nice to find this because you are getting an unviolated roll. Unless someone finished wiping and this is how they tore the last piece. I wonder if this is something employees are trained to do or is this something they do on their own?


Social Media Vacation Responders

Whenever you take a vacation and then decide to share photos or videos via social media you will have one of your pals say one of these gems…

I wish I could afford a vacation.

Well, maybe if you weren’t so terrible with your budget you could. This is the worst kind of comment because they are trying to add a guilt trip leg to your itinerary. I get it, some can’t afford vacations, but you shouldn’t try to make others feel bad for enjoying themselves.

Put me in your suitcase

That’s impossible and illegal. Plus you might die of suffocation in the overhead compartment.

Drink an alcoholic beverage for me

That’s also impossible, it’s like asking someone to go urinate for you. We aren’t that close and I’m not going to apply a catheter for you.

I wasn’t invited

No, you weren’t because this is my vacation. If you wanted to go with us then we should have planned ahead and you could have purchased your very own ticket. That is if you’ve budgeted properly.

You should have done “X”

There is always someone who’s taken the same trip as you and attempts to induce feelings of “you’ve missed something crucial that would have made your vacation 1000 times better”.

Parking lot drag strips

photography of parking lot
Photo by Jose Espinal on

I’ve noticed that there is a sense of anxiety in theme park parking lots. Everyone is in such a hurry to get one extra car ahead. So much so as to almost cause fatal car accidents. Stop and yield sign lose their meaning. Flashing signs that indicate your speed only seem to make you want to get a higher number. For what? One extra parking spot closer to the tram ride? Is vehicular homicide worth it?

How to get free coffee at Disney resorts

I once stayed at the Swan and Dolphin resort inside Walt Disney World during a company retreat. It’s a really nice hotel and something I wouldn’t choose to stay at normally. The cafes and restaurants are out of this world expensive so I can see why someone would want to float the bill to someone else. I had a large purchase on my room and it turned out to be $28 worth of food at the Java bar. I at first thought it was an in-room charge for using the Starbucks coffee pods.

When I checked in, their credit card machine was down. So they used one of those carbon-copy machines to do an imprint. I’m shocked those things still exist. I assumed someone found my card and went caffeine crazy. To my dismay, all someone had to do is write down a room number to charge it. You should have to at least verify the name or show some I.D. This hotel went retro with the credit and mistakes were made. The good thing is they gave me my money back, but the guy in accounting didn’t act like he believed me. I said I have a digital trail that shows I was in Hollywood Studios during the time of purchase. But the tone from him was “Yeah, sure”. Oh well, at least someone got free coffee overpriced coffee.

Zero wait time at Magic Kingdom?

Can you guess which ride? No, it’s not the auto-flush toilet. Even those have a wait time. On a side note, you should probably hand out fast passes to the toilet bowl near Pecos Bill’s after you eaten two pounds of beef nachos. It’s tough to find zero wait times, but it’s possible. Just a tip, if you ever see a 13 minute wait time on Haunted Mansion or Tower of Terror, there’s no wait.

The sun finds a way in

Sun visors are basically useless. They used to be great for storing CDs in one of those bill fold things. They contain a mirror so you can check your hair, teeth, and eyeballs while you are driving before you wreck and scatter them all over the road. They are useless for blocking the sun rays to your eye sockets. Cars used to have extenders that would allow extra coverage.  However, the sun will find a way to fit between your visor and mirror. It’s even better if the sun flickers because of the tree line causing a massive headache, nausea, and motion sickness. Time to invent a transitions windshield.

Best and Worst Times to Visit Disney World

Walt Disney telling you to leave!

When a hurricane is there

The park will be closed and you won’t be able to get through the gates, well you probably could, but you would go to jail. Not Disney jail, but real jail, where the mice bite and try to violate you. However, if you are on the property then you are safe. Disney Resorts are made to withstand a Category 5 hurricane. They will treat you like royalty and since they are their own municipality, you will have power sooner.

When it’s hot

You will sweat profusely and you will get dehydrated if you don’t buy the $4 bottles of water. Don’t drink the soda and beer or you will dehydrate faster. And be broker faster

When there are numerous amount of people there

Holiday’s and weekends are the worst, and holiday weekends are a no-brainer to stay away.

When you just bought new shoes

That is unless you like blisters on your feet. Never take a brand new pair of shoes into the park. Don’t buy a brand new pair of waterproof timberland boots for your July trip. Your boots will be filled with pain and suffering.

When a new ride is open

Well, it might be a good time to visit other areas of the parks except for Pandora, Seven Dwarfs Mine train, or Peter Pan’s Flight

When a new area is open

I can’t imagine what masses of humanity will be drawn to the parks once Star Wars Galaxies Edge is open.

Remember, there is no slow season no matter what anyone tells you. If you are going to go, just do it and enjoy your time. If someone says they got on all the rides with no waiting they are lying, and you shouldn’t be friends with liars.