Happy Mother’s Day

IMG_2671

I’m surprised that this phrase is not considered offensive in our fast-paced world of sensitivity. Is it more difficult to be a Mom in this society than it was a few decades ago?

Well no, a few decades ago you had small children, now you have adults that are your children and you can do what you want. But if you are a mother today with small children it’s tough because small children are hard to manage sometimes. However, if your small children are large then they’re strenuous to lift unless you are one of the weightlifter moms who gets your kids fat on purpose so you can build your muscles. That’s wrong, maybe you should just stick to weights and put your baby on a healthy eating plan. If you want to, I’m not telling you how to mom your kids.

How much would you pay for a soda?

IMG_2635.jpg

Worse than Disney prices

Or how much would you pay for water? Airports have you right where they want you. You can beat the game by packing your own water bottle and a few protein bars when hunger and thirst arrive before your already delayed flight.

That is of course unless you enjoy spending $100 on Doritos and a Coke Zero. My suggestion is you bring your own empty Camelbak through TSA and then fill it with sink, fountain, or filtered water. Even when I’m on a client’s per diem, I will not submit to this price gouging.  Remember, it’s not long until you get onboard your plane and get an ice-filled cup with a quarter can of soda.

No light on at the checkout line…

 

IMG_0462

Burnt

 

When I notice a cashier ringing up customers and see the register number light is off I don’t get in their line. If they have a closed placard on the conveyor belt this is a sure signal that they are closing down. However, there are people who will put their groceries on the belt anyway. Even go as far as to move the placard. The cashier will say they are closing down the line but the people don’t budge. This is the equivalent of going into a steak restaurant and ordering a well-done rib eye five minutes before closing. It’s rude to enter a place of business so late. Also, who cooks their steak well done? Savages that’s who.

How to be a good eBayer…

Buying

  • Know the time your item ends and have a prompt payment.
  • Inspect the item and give prompt feedback.
  • Don’t blame the eBayer if the delivery is lost.

Selling

  • Ship the item within a day.
  • Don’t be so quick to leave feedback, wait until they give you positive feedback.
  • If they are unfair in their feedback, respond reciprocally.

It’s that simple.

Favorite hotel shower heads

IMG_0184
I used to love the shower heads at Holiday Inn Express, but since their beds are so uncomfortable I had to switch to Hilton branded hotels. I believe that Hilton uses Waterpik or Speakman, both are nice, but can’t compete with Kohler. I just wish I could find a nice metal Kohler shower head to purchase for home use. I bought Kohler model once, but it had a plastic mount and mount broke after a year. The replacement part was almost as much as a showerhead. So I just buy new shower heads every few years now.  I know you can clean them with a ziplock bag and whatever miracle liquid cleaner is on the market, but I know that there is still crud behind the nozzles deeper than the cleaner fluids can reach. Side note, don’t you find it disturbing when there is other hair in a hotel shower wall? You haven’t showered yet, so it’s not yours, and it will never wash down the drain no matter how much water you throw at it.

Don’t describe your meal in this way.

According to Wikipedia, and probably some doctors too. A perforated ulcer is a condition in which an untreated ulcer can burn through the wall of the stomach (or other areas of the gastrointestinal tract), allowing digestive juices and food to leak into the abdominal cavity. Treatment generally requires immediate surgery.

So, why does someone describe a delicious hearty meal as “stick to your ribs”? If food is sticking to your ribs you probably have a perforated ulcer and require medical attention.

Make your own movie theater popcorn

IMG_1690

$1000 bucket of popcorn?

Why is movie popcorn so delicious, but yet we can never seem to replicate it at home? I’ve gotten pretty close and here’s my super, not so secret recipe.

Start with really good popcorn

I recommend Orville Redenbacher because of the quality control and consistency. Don’t buy store brands because they are all terrible. I may be wrong, but I don’t care. Store in an airtight container in the dark pantry. Use 2/3 of a cup per pop session.

Use Coconut oil

Pop your kernels in coconut oil, that’s what the theater’s use. It has a high smoke point so it can get really hot and explode the kernels much better. Plus it tastes better. Use about 3 tablespoons

Use fine ground salt

Popcorn salt is different, it’s super finely ground so that it sticks to all the popcorn’s intricate crevasses.

Top it off with fake butter

Real butter is good, but if you wan to get close to the movie theater taste then lube up your bowl with this Kernel Seasoning Oil. It may be unnatural, but we aren’t going for healthful when eating movie theater popcorn. We are going for taste, and this one is pretty close.  Try substituting 1 tablespoon of coconut oil with this butter oil.

There are several ways to pop the corn, but my favorite is the Stir-Crazy.