Favorite Driving Distractions

pexels-photo-230554.jpegTexting

I’m sure in the “good ole days” people use to read the newspaper during their daily commute. Before the cell phone in the 80s, people had to string two dixie cups between their automobiles to better communicate with their fellow man. Texting has made everyone look like a drunk driver swerving all over the road. I can’t wait until VR devices are augmenting reality while driving.

Eating

What’s better than waking up on time and sitting down to breakfast with your family? Well, the answer is balancing a bowl of cereal in your lap while trying to navigate 3 lanes of traffic because you missed your exit that you take every day.

Beating your children

If you don’t have one of those fancy DVD players integrated into your vehicle, then your kids are going to be wild. Make sure you have something that will reach, you gotta keep at least one hand on the wheel

Vanity

You can’t check your mirrors enough! Point it towards you so you can’t see the 18 wheeler bearing down on you because you want to make sure your eyebrows are even. Impossible.

Advertising / Traffic Messages

Remember texting and driving? Well, billboards that flash, blink, and require reading are just a bad. How is this any different? They will gladly tell you how people have died while texting and driving as you read the stats and tumble end over end into a ditch.

Advertisements

Adventures in buying a garbage disposal

insinkerator-garbage-disposals-badger-5-64_1000

As I was cleaning the cat’s water dish I opened the cabinet below the sink to get the scrub brushes. To my delight, I noticed the InSinkErator dripping water from the bottom. After a bit of research and leak detection, it was determined that I needed a replacement. After all, it had a good run of 8 years.

I went to Lowes and picked up an exact replacement of the Badger 5. I took it home and got it installed and went to plug it in. Turns out, there’s no plug. I bought the wrong model. So I went online and found the one with the plug and ordered the last one in all the five Lowes stores in the area.  I went to pick it up and they couldn’t find it because it was a non-stocked item. So I canceled the order. A plumbing person offered to show me other models that may work. On the way back to the leftover grinders, I happened to notice halfway down the misplaced disposal. Once again I had to play stockboy and find the missing item. Brought back way too many memories of my days in retail when co-workers would just put things anywhere. Anyway, back to grinding up egg shells.

My cat ruined someones Christmas

nature summer yellow animal
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I once had to refund for an eBay buyer. I had a barely worn shirt that no longer fit. It was a good quality shirt from LL Bean so I decided to sell it online. Once the sale ended, I packaged up the shirt and placed it on the counter to ship out the next morning. My cat decided to chew up the entire package by putting hundreds of teeth marks around the edges of the padded envelope. I repackaged without checking the shirt, but once the item arrived the buyer notified me of small punctures near the collar.

Used clothing does not sell well online, so this was my final attempt. It’s much easier to donate or give to someone in need. I’m assuming my cat ruined someones Christmas, but if someone is buying a used shirt off of eBay as a gift, they can’t be expecting too much.

Also, why do cats love to eat plastic shipping bags?

Every Hallmark Christmas movie plot line

Darth Maul Fighting off all Hallmark Emotions
  • Balsam Hill projectile vomits Christmas decorations all over main street, characters homes and office locations.
  • Love interest characters meet each other by chance, a small spark flies
  • There is some sort of problem to solve
  • Characters grow closer together and have many awkward almost kiss moments ruined by kid, or some other annoying character.
  • There is some huge misunderstanding because one character doesn’t have the full context of the situation because they overheard a piece of a phone call and takes it in the worst way possible without any followup questions.
  • Character leaves town
  • Character gets the rest of the information
  • Character shows up at the precise moment when things seem the bleakest.
  • They kiss with 2 minutes left in the movie
  • Credits roll

*No, I don’t watch Hallmark Christmas Movies.

High beaming other drivers

Are you the type of person that drives around with your high beams on all the time? Of course not, you are a decent human being. If by chance your high beams are ignited someone will send you a friendly reminder by giving you the double high flash. Rather than just dealing with the bright light for a few seconds the person wants you to know that you are being rude by lighting up the road even more for the safety of yourself. However, if you have a newer vehicle with LED headlights, other drivers will think that you have your high beams on by default. So they will flash you.

This is where it can be fun and or dangerous. When you give them your highs, they will be like, “Oh wow, they have really good headlights”. The other reaction is they will pull in front of you, stop at the next intersection, and get out of the car and approach you. This happened to my wife when she was coming home one night. So she backs up and turns around in a driveway as the person approached her. Not sure what was going to happen, but this stuff never happens when I’m in the car.

Moral of this story? If you have a newer automobile, drive with the high beams on all the time. At least for the first year until the oxidation fogs up your lens. Don’t be a decent human being.

What food do you order without thinking?

If a menu has deviled eggs included, then they will be automatically ordered. It may seem like a food to pass over, but there is so much goodness in a food so devilish. They are simple to make as well. The best recipe I’ve found is Ron Swanson’s Deviled Eggs. I’m not sure if he really made them since he’s a fictional character, but they are really good with a few modifications. Swap out the mayo for Miracle Whip, the cayenne with reaper dust and top each one with a piece of bacon. The reaper powder is so you don’t have to share.

Continental Breakfast Disappointment

When I was a kid I heard about the continental breakfast at the hotel we were staying. I thought this is going to be a huge breakfast of plate tectonic proportions. Rivers of sausage gravy, bacon tray falling over like water falls, mountains of biscuits, and piles of scrambled eggs thick like a tempur-pedic mattress.

To my dismay, I was greeted with a tray of donuts, danishes, cereal, juice, and coffee. I guess this is food that’s available on every continent and not continental is size.

We are partial to Hilton brand hotels. We enjoy the free breakfast at the Hampton Inn and Homewood suites takes it up a notch. Although not free, Hilton Garden Inn has a great buffet and it’s what I imagined as a child.