How to go to sleep earlier

I once read a letter to the editor in which someone complained about having an extra hour of daylight because it ruined her garden. During the “spring forward” many complain about losing an hour of sleep. Well if you go to bed one hour earlier you can counteract this discrepancy. You might say, “I have trouble falling asleep!” Well, I’ve had my wrestle with insomnia, and let me tell you about this product. Non-habit forming and not as dangerous as radioactive butterflies. I had my rounds with prescription sleeping pills and Melatonin works just as well if not better than anything I’ve tried. They smell a little bit like death, but maybe that’s why they’re so effective. As the wise old Nas used to say. “Sleep is the cousin of death”.

Side note: I don’t understand why people are always saying this. “Ah, I slept like a baby last night”. I don’t consider a good night’s sleep including waking up every two and half hours to either poop in my pants or needing something to eat. I think it’s time we started sleeping like grown-ups.

Don’t forget to set your clocks on your range and microwave an hour ahead before you go to bed. If you rely on those electronics to wake you up.

How to sleep pain free through the night

Wait, what?

Sometimes I wake up and feel like someone has bitten my ear off. Turns out, I’ve only been sleeping on my ear. I don’t know how it happens, but somehow my ear folds upon itself and the cartilage bends to become painful enough to wake me. It’s one of the worst pains I’ve felt while sleeping. It’s almost as bad as waking up with your calf muscle behind your kneecap causing you to leap out of bed only to find you can’t bend your foot to straighten it out.

So how do you sleep pain-free through the night? Get your room as dark and cold as possible. I target my room temperature at 65 degrees and make sure no LED lights are illuminated. Blackout shades and curtains are a must for those pesky morning sun rays.  I also run some white noise. I use a Rainmate and squirt a few drops of essential oil in the tank to circulate a relaxing plume of lavender. I also pop a melatonin about 30 minutes before shuteye to get good REM sleep. With melatonin, be mindful of what you watch on TV before bed. One night, after watching Black Mirror, I dreamed that 3 of my friends killed themselves in three separate nightmares in a single night. Oh yeah, get a good mattress!