Don’t balance your tires There are so many uneven parts of the road and potholes your tires will instantly be out of balance. Wait until you get home.
Don’t get an alignment Again, with the potholes and pavement unevenness, wait until you get home and get an alignment. I wonder if no state taxes are the reason the roads are so bad. It’s just the sheer mass of humanity that is on the road there.
Don’t try to take back roads There are tons of people on the back roads as well, you will just wait even longer because of the traffic lights.
Wait it out on the interstate It’s really the best option, just wait, be patient, allow people to merge, and don’t run anyone off the road.
Don’t visit any landmarks You go to Nashville to see the Ryman, The Grand Ole Opry, and such but don’t go there. There are too many people. Just stay in your hotel and drink as much free coffee as you can. Enjoy an extra creamer or three.
Don’t do any shopping Parking is tough and they charge outrageous fees. Just stay in your hotel and watch TV. Swim in the 10-meter pool and do half-laps.
Enjoy your trip!
If you happen to visit Nashville and you must drive then good luck. It’s tough, but here are a few tips to help you navigate the city.
Someone once told me, “If it’s good enough for MJ, then it’s good enough for me.” I’m not a massive fan of Citrus Cooler, but it’s drinkable. I’m classic lemon-lime or nothing. The new bolder smoother finish Gatorade taste like cough syrup. I guess if you like pretending you have bronchitis then it’s a good drink.
Whenever I spend much time outside on the ball field, I now reach for a LMNT. I was feeling quite ill from lack of hydration and LMNT had me feeling correct in about 20 mins. I never realized until now but it’s like drinking salt water. Might as well start drinking soy sauce, probably will hydrate quicker right?
Taking your children to a baseball game can be a memorable experience. Here’s how to make the most of it
Bring a tablet/smartphone
This way they can watch videos or play a video game and not the actual ballgame
Buy them all the food they ask for
Hot dogs, popcorn, peanuts, cotton candy, funnel cakes, dippin’ dots, etc. This keeps them busy instead of watching the game.
Bring signage
Things like “First game”, and “It’s my birthday” and waves them in front of players or coaches so you can collect as many signed baseballs as possible.
Pose them for shots
Take pictures with all the gear you’ve collected for them. Post them immediately on Instagram or Facebook with the false narrative that they are big fans of the game when they haven’t actually seen one inning.
Actually, watch the game
Here’s an idea, watch the game. Eat stadium classic food and enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of the ballpark. No distractions just baseball.
This couple is taking it pretty well that their offspring aren’t providing any grandchildren. As much as our society is trying, dogs will never replace children in value. It makes me sad to even write that, but I feel that our society wants this to happen. Even the movie “The Boss Baby” addresses the issue. Who’s going to be there for you when you get revert back to your second toddler phase and need care? Dogs can’t provide that.
I really used to love going to malls. One of my favorite memories as a kid was scraping up enough money during the week to purchase a new hip-hop cassette tape and a paper cup of thick-cut fries from the Steak Escape. We took our children to the Opry Mills Mall in Nashville on vacation so they could see its grandness. I turned my back for one minute and it happened. My daughter was held hostage by a shiny object at a kiosk.
The young lady was selling “splat toys”. You fling it at the wall and it flattens out in a hilarious fashion. My daughter was intrigued and proceeded to practice her softball pitching motion and hit the bullseye. She thought the price wasn’t a good deal, walked away, but then accepted the lady’s counteroffer. She spent her hard-earned allowance money and this is where the story becomes a life lesson.
When she got a chance to use the new toy it burst open after about a dozen tosses. She was quite upset that her money was now gone and she had no way to return it. No, I didn’t rush out and buy her a new one. I didn’t offer to reimburse her for the allowance. I did teach her what the phrase “Caveat Emptor” means.
I regret not eating it. I saw it too late after I ordered. I talked to the manager at the Hapeville Dwarf House and he said they served 125 to Georgia Tech students the night before. They have a tradition for first-year band members where they have to eat it without utensils. One girl finished it in 50 seconds. She’s my new hero.
I will attempt to make this at home. Chicken, cream of chicken, bacon, cheese, and paprika. It should be a cinch.
I had several people recommend Hattie B’s so I had to try it. I’ve been a chili head since I was a teenager, so I had to go for the top rung of “Shut the Cluck Up” Hot Chicken. I’ll admit it was very hot. My body had an instant reaction, I started to hiccup and my eyeballs turned red and began to leak capsicum. The piece of bread underneath was disintegrated into a pool of grease and fire juice. There were a few pickle chips as well, but at that point, I couldn’t feel my face so my taste buds were dysfunctional.
The real “wake-up call” came the next day at 6am. I’m so glad I had the foreknowledge to pack some Cottonelle wipes, it literally saved my behind from the exit wounds. Doesn’t matter how much of a heat tolerance your upper orifice can handle, the lower one is never able to compensate.
Tip: Order the Damn Hot and Shut the Cluck Up, eat the Damn Hot First, the second doesn’t seem as bad
A father-son trip full of sunshine, surf, and just enough chaos to keep it interesting.
Some vacations are all about relaxation. Ours was about testing the limits of patience, horsepower, and my ability to keep hold of a water bottle in public. Over the course of a week in San Diego, my son and I enjoyed perfect weather, stunning beaches, and unforgettable food — all while surviving airport drama, rental car roulette, and a finale that involved ghosts on the interstate.
Here’s how it went down…
Part 1: The Epic Journey West My son and I started our adventure with a flight from Charleston to Atlanta, where I decided to become the moving sidewalk entertainment. My water bottle made multiple breakaway runs down the belt, startling everyone within a 20-foot radius. If there’s an Olympic sport for “Airport Object Fumble,” I’d have at least made the finals.
The cross-country flight to San Diego was long, but landing in a time zone three hours behind made it feel like we’d gained a bonus day. Nothing like waking up in South Carolina and still making it to California in time for lunch.
Part 2: The Rental Car Hunger Games As soon as we got off the plane, we saw people casually strolling onto the car rental shuttle. Security promptly yelled at us to get in line — behind 50 other people. I asked, “What about the eight people who just walked on? Sounds like you need to tighten your security.”
Part 3: The Payless Powerless Experience At Payless Car Rental (spoiler alert: don’t), I had booked a “Manager’s Special,” which promised a Chrysler 300 or similar. Instead, we got a Mitsubishi Mirage — a 3-cylinder lawnmower disguised as a car, with a whopping 75 horsepower. I paid the same price.
Clown car
We did agree to pay for a full tank at $4 per gallon (local rate: $4.79). Great deal. Except when we drove away, we noticed full-size cars just sitting in the lot like sad, neglected orphans.
Part 4: The Calm Before the Comedy Storm We checked into our hotel after stopping at Nico’s for an authentic California burrito — a culinary masterpiece that could solve most international conflicts. Then we strolled along Ocean Beach, watching surfers compete like they were auditioning for a soda commercial. We stocked up on snacks for the week. It was bliss.
Part 5: Beaches, Baseball, and the Otey Jinx The next day we hit La Jolla Beach. My son skimboarded, I took photos and videos, and the weather was perfect. Then we went to Petco Park to watch the Padres take on the Mets. The Mets were on an eight-game winning streak. I showed up, and they promptly lost — and then went on to lose six more games after that. You’re welcome, Padres fans.
My view
Part 6: Lions, Tigers, and Double-Doubles We followed up with the San Diego Zoo (world-class, by the way) and then my very first In-N-Out Burger experience — a glorious double-double tray. We checked into our flight home, returned to the hotel after watching the sun set into the Pacific Ocean at Carlsbad Beach, and went to bed feeling like travel champions.
Part 7: Tsunami, Traffic, and Total Travel Taxation Departure day started with a cheery news update: a Russian earthquake had triggered a possible tsunami for the West Coast. This delayed our flight just enough for us to miss our connection to Charleston.
Then, while packing the car, my key slipped into the seat and the door closed, locking it inside. The locksmith took 45 minutes to arrive, 30 seconds to open the door, and charged me $165 for the privilege (after quoting me $80).
We still aimed for one last In-N-Out double-double, but got stuck in apocalyptic traffic. That 30-minute delay meant we returned the Mirage late — and got hit with a $15 fee.
Part 8: The Great Delta Debacle At the San Diego airport, I called Delta to get a refund for the final leg to Charleston and to book a rental car for the ATL-to-home drive. They said “No problem, we’ll reimburse you because of the delay.”
Except when it was time to board… Delta had canceled my entire trip. My comfy aisle seat? Gone. I was rebooked into a middle seat for the four-hour flight back to Atlanta.
When we landed in ATL, we had to wait out a fire delay on the airport shuttle before even getting to the rental car place. I asked for the full-size car I’d booked, and they handed me a Nissan Altima. Hey, at least it had more horsepower than the Mirage — I could almost feel the wind in my hair.
We hit the road with an ETA of 4:30 a.m. It was actually a nice ride — my son and I talked about everything under the sun until he fell asleep, which triggered “Super Alert Dad Mode.” I started seeing what I can only describe as interdimensional beings darting across the highway.
Once home, we napped before work, returned the rental car, and then I got an email from Delta: “We will not be reimbursing your rental car, but we have issued you a $70 refund for the canceled flight.” Almost broke even… if you ignore all the math.
Moral of the Story: Don’t let your return trip ruin the good memories you made. Even if it involves tsunamis, Mirage-level horsepower, and paranormal highway creatures.
Travel Tips I Learned the Hard Way
Never trust “Manager’s Special” — It’s code for “We’re giving you a car with the acceleration of a hair dryer.”
Airport water bottles are like toddlers — If you set them down for even a second, they will run away in public and humiliate you.
Don’t argue with rental car shuttle security — They are not here for logic. They are here for dominance.
Earthquakes don’t care about your connecting flight — Nature is the ultimate gate agent.
Locksmith math — $80 on the phone = $165 in person. The $85 is for showing up with a tool.
In-N-Out will test your willpower — The traffic is bad, but the burger is worth questioning your life choices.
Middle seats are where joy goes to die — Especially after you paid for the aisle.
If your kid falls asleep on a late-night drive — Prepare to meet every ghost, shadow person, and cryptid your imagination can create.
People bring their dogs everywhere. Restaurants, libraries, grocery stores, the doctor, no not the vet. Tourist attractions are now putting up passive-aggressive signs to subtly hint that no one likes your dog. There used to be a time when you’d see a stroller with a cute baby, but now it’s occupied by a dog. People will carry their dogs in a Baby Bjorn just so they don’t have to pay for a kennel.
If you really think about it, hybrids and alternative fuel cars should be forced to park as far away as possible. Allowing them to park so close forces the gas guzzlers to burn more fuel looking for a spot thus forcing more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. Hybrids are already fuel efficient enough, you don’t need to reward them by giving them the same treatment as handicapped parking. I can understand electric cars being allowed to park close so they can plug into their USB chargers or swap out their D batteries.
Can we agree that segregation and privilege are wrong?
Someone once told me, “If it’s good enough for MJ, then it’s good enough for me.” I’m not a massive fan of Citrus Cooler, but it’s drinkable. I’m classic lemon-lime or nothing. The new bolder smoother finish Gatorade taste like cough syrup. I guess if you like pretending you have bronchitis then it’s a good drink.
Daily Irritant 
You must be logged in to post a comment.