Category: Education

Should there be WiFi on School Buses?

~ Alfred Tech
Nice Pentagrams!

Some schools are now using your taxpayer dollars to put WiFi on the school bus. This is can have its pros and cons.

The Pros

The convenience of GPS Tracking of the bus to know where your kids are. You can get alerts via text message when the bus arrives so you don’t have to waste your time at the bus stop. Having WiFi could keep the kids quietly in their seats. Reduces the amount of face-punching to other students and or bus drivers since the kid’s occupied with their devices.

The Cons

Cyber bullying would skyrocket. Think of all the passive-aggressive ways kids could be mean via social media to their fellow bus passengers. Why get up and punch someone in the face or body when you can emotionally destroy someone on InstaFaceTok?

How to deal with going bald…

~ Alfred Tech
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Nice hairline!

I’m not talking about going bald naturally. I’m talking about people who are shaving their heads on purpose while they clearly have a full head of hair. I get it, it’s super convenient to shave your head so you have one less thing to prepare for the day. But you need to cherish every hair on your head before it’s too late.

Coming from someone who has lost many hairs over the years there is nothing more frustrating than seeing the stubble line of someone with a full head of hair while my scalp looks like a mid-summer lawn that has been ravaged by grubs.

Do Irish people get offended easily?

~ Alfred Tech


Irish people just deal with things. They don’t make a fuss about much. Can you imagine if an Irish person would complain to the management of a store over racial stereotyping because of this costume? They would get laughed out of the store. Then again, if this were a slave outfit and it was sold as such how long do you think it last on the shelves? There are ethnic groups that are safe to ridicule because there is a history of suffering and tolerance. If you are an Irish Christian, then your tolerance levels must be off the charts.

This is a pretty good soap though!

If you really think about it, St Patrick’s Day is one of those holidays that has taken a turn for the worse. Most people complain that Christians stole their pagan holidays. But in this case, Pagans have overrun a Christian holiday. While it was once a celebration of St. Patrick converting people to Christianity in Ireland it has devolved into a wannabe leprechaun drunken depravity fest with torrents of green beer. Irish people should be offended. But they aren’t, because they don’t care.

How to deal with Gray Hair…

~ Alfred Tech
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I’m not talking about naturally gray hair, but people who are purposefully coloring their hair gray. Ask them why their hair is gray and for what reason. Just tell them if you want gray hair you don’t get it from a box, you just need more stress in your life. Give it time!

How to go to sleep earlier

~ Alfred Tech

I once read a letter to the editor in which someone complained about having an extra hour of daylight because it ruined her garden. During the “spring forward” many complain about losing an hour of sleep. Well if you go to bed one hour earlier you can counteract this discrepancy. You might say, “I have trouble falling asleep!” Well, I’ve had my wrestle with insomnia, and let me tell you about this product. Non-habit forming and not as dangerous as radioactive butterflies. I had my rounds with prescription sleeping pills and Melatonin works just as well if not better than anything I’ve tried. They smell a little bit like death, but maybe that’s why they’re so effective. As the wise old Nas used to say. “Sleep is the cousin of death”.

Side note: I don’t understand why people are always saying this. “Ah, I slept like a baby last night”. I don’t consider a good night’s sleep including waking up every two and half hours to either poop in my pants or needing something to eat. I think it’s time we started sleeping like grown-ups.

Don’t forget to set your clocks on your range and microwave an hour ahead before you go to bed. If you rely on those electronics to wake you up.

How to stop excessive armpit sweating?

~ Alfred Tech

There was a transitional period when I was 17 where I couldn’t find an anti-perspiration that would stop the river of briny fluid flowing from my pits. I tried several brands from Speed Stick, Right Guard, Old Spice, and Degree to whatever Dad was using. I finally found Arrid XX about mid-way through my junior year of high school.

At one point I can remember the sweat rings becoming so large they would reach the ends of my shirt bottoms and halfway to my back. It was like I was squeezing out a dish sponge under my arms. If I was sitting at a certain angle, I could feel the sweat drip and roll down the side of my torso. Before I found Arrid I would apply so much product that it would start to build little cakes in the armpit portion of my shirt. It would dry and make the armpit part of the shirt brittle and stiff. No amount of washing could fix it, you had to throw the shirt away.

The problem resurfaced once I started to lose weight. Arrid was ditched and switched to Certain Dri. It worked until my body stopped freaking out about losing so much weight so quickly.  Now I’ve switched back to a normal deodorant. Also, sweating is linked to anxiety, so you probably need to chill out a bit, so to speak.

When your neighbors weed problem affects you.

~ Alfred Tech

I understand it requires much effort to maintain a lawn. However, if your yard is 90% weeds and it begins to creep over I think you could take care of your overgrowth. You could also take care of your clippings. I understand where the property line falls, but how much effort does it take for one small pass of the mower to compensate for your clover neglect. I guess I will have to be extra careful when I apply my weed and feed so as to not damage the precious clover that you are eager to share.

How to: The Art of letting people down.

~ Alfred Tech

This is not a situation of you making a plan and then canceling if something better comes up. This is a situation where both parties don’t have solid plans and they both release their schedule at the same time. Yeah, it happens.

People just don’t know how to say no. They also don’t know how to say yes. Heck, people don’t even say maybe anymore, they simply don’t respond. If you have two conflicting plans on your calendar and both are very important then someone will be disappointed.  If you are required to be at both places who do you let down? What is the best method? Do you tell them early and hope they understand or do you wait until the day of the event?

If you inform them early you run the risk of them slathering on a thick layer of guilt about how their event is not important to you. If that happens here’s what you do. A few days before the event, tell them that someone in your family died. Ask them again if you are still required to be there or if can you go bury your family member. Either way, you probably want to break off that relationship.

What is the filthiest thing in the bathroom?

~ Alfred Tech
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I vote for whatever this thing is. What is the purpose? To help you tear the toilet paper off the roll? How much trouble are people having if they can’t tear toilet paper?

I doubt this thing ever gets cleaned and is constantly caressed by poop fingers. I guess the flush handle is really the nastiest item in the bathroom. If you don’t clean it every day, you will now. You’re welcome.

Getting rid of guns won’t solve the problem

~ Alfred Tech

I’m not pro-gun or anti-gun, but rather gun neutral. I don’t care if people own guns and I don’t care if you choose not to purchase them. I do think that we need to keep quiet about it. What I mean is, do not brag about it and cover your automobile with stickers. I don’t care if you hate guns either, and you should keep quiet about it.

At one point in history, there were no guns, just people smashing each other in the face with blunt objects. Before we figured out how to stab each other, we beat each other to death. You won’t fix the problem by removing objects.

The problem is not guns, but people. Just as there is not a problem with rocks, but people again. Do you think if God banned all rocks then Cain wouldn’t have killed Abel? Certainly not, he would have found some other way to kill him. How do you remove human depravity? Simply put, you can’t.