How to manage robocallers

Yeah, let me get that

Remember back in the days before Caller ID and *69 when you could call someone and say something offensive then hangup without any recompense? Well, now telemarketers have an arsenal of war dial devices at the ready.

My favorite is the lady who’s having trouble with her headset. The call starts with a “Hello, hello?” Then an apology that her headset isn’t working correctly and she asks for a confirmation that you can hear her. If you say yes then it’s a go ahead for her (the robot) to begin the sales pitch. The second time she called I said, “Didn’t you call me an hour ago?”. The robot replied, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that, can you please say yes or no”. Once I knew it was a voice activated prompt, I began asking all sorts of questions that she couldn’t process. Finally I talked so much that it disconnected me. However, I still get calls from time to time.

Typically, if I don’t recognize the number, I will just silence my phone or double click the power button to send it voicemail. If the caller is not in my contacts and it’s an important message they will leave me a voicemail. However, these robots are now starting to leave voicemails. My call block list is growing exponentially.

Our planet has a garbage crisis

IMG_0837

It all goes to the same place

I’m not talking about landfills or the Pacific Ocean filling up with plastic bags. I’m referring to the decision-making process of how to throw out our rubbish. When did it become such a chore to throw something into the trash can? Back in the old days we just used to throw it on the ground or out the car window. That was until our earth day friends started showing commercials with Native Americans crying.

I try to do my duty when it comes to recycling, but even the local dump has implemented full garbage segregation. They have one bin for glass, one for plastic and one for cardboard. I miss the days of throwing it all in one giant hole, covering it with gasoline and setting it ablaze.

The Dangerous Fun of a Swing Set.


In our age of helicopter parenting, we now have to make sure that our kids don’t fall off swings. The super swing disc looks like a great idea, but it’s not cheaper than an old tire tied to a rope to a tree branch that will snap at any moment. I mean, that was the whole point of swings, the danger! Swinging on an old rusty hole ridden swing set with uneven legs rocking back and forth is how we tested our limits of fear.

There was always that one moment when you reached the height of the upper support bar and felt as if you were going to break free of gravity and sail into the treeline behind you. It was either flying off the swing or crashing down onto the gravel below. No, we didn’t have rubber mulch back then either.

I mean, I’ve let my kids fall off the swing set, and walk behind them and get clobbered by the person swinging. You know what? They never tried it that way again. They have to the learn the hard way. Let them fail, just don’t laugh at them when they do. Well, don’t let them see you.

Using nouns as verbs…

IMG_0722

Borderline bad grammar?

Hulu says “Come TV with us” and Walmart says, “Easter like you mean it”. Why are we teaching grammar to our children? If marketing executives have thrown the rules of grammar out the window, then why should we bother? I’ll tell you why it’s so our kids can eventually replace the people who can’t speak or write correctly.

I’ll admit that I’m not the bested expert at wordsmithing, but our society has done begun devolving into a new type of language.

 

Should there be WiFi on School Buses?

 

Nice Pentagrams!

 

Some schools are now using your taxpayer dollars to put WiFi on the school bus. This is can have its pros and cons.

The Pros

The convenience of GPS Tracking of the bus to know where your kids are. You can get alerts via text message when the bus arrives so you don’t have to waste your time at the bus stop. Having WiFi could keep the kids quietly in their seats. Reduces the amount of face punching to other students and or bus drivers since the kids faces are in a device.

The Cons

Cyber bullying would skyrocket. Think of all the passive aggressive ways kids could be mean via social media to their fellow bus passengers. Why get up and punch someone in the face or body when you can emotionally destroy someone on the InstaFaceTwit?

How to deal with going bald…

 

IMG_5164

Nice hairline!

 

I’m not talking about going bald naturally. I’m talking about people who are shaving their head on purpose while they clearly have a full head of hair. I get it, it’s super convenient to shave your head so you have one less thing to prepare for the day. But you need to cherish every hair on your head before it’s too late. Coming from someone who has lost many hairs over the years there is nothing more frustrating than seeing the stubble line of someone with a full head of hair while my scalp looks like a mid-summer lawn that has been ravaged by grubs.

Irish people don’t get offended


Irish people just deal with things. They don’t make a fuss about much. Can you imagine if an Irish person would complain to management of a store over racial stereotyping because of this costume? They would get laughed out of the store. Then again, if this were a slave outfit and it were sold as such how long do you think it last on the shelves? There are ethnic groups that are safe to ridicule because there is a history of  suffering and tolerance. If you are a Irish Christian, then your tolerance levels must be off the charts.

This is pretty good soap though!

If you really think about it, St Patrick’s Day is the one of those holidays that has taken a turn for the worse. Most people complain that Christians stole their pagan holidays. But in this case, Pagans have overrun a Christian holiday. While it was once a celebration of St. Patrick converting people to Christianity in Ireland it has devolved into a wannabe leprechaun drunken depravity fest with torrents of green beer. Irish people should be offended. But they aren’t, because they don’t care.