This couple is taking it pretty well that their offspring aren’t providing any grandchildren. As much as our society is trying, dogs will never replace children in value. It makes me sad to even write that, but I feel that our society wants this to happen. Even the movie “The Boss Baby” addresses the issue. Who’s going to be there for you when you get revert back to your second toddler phase and need care? Dogs can’t provide that.
I really used to love going to malls. One of my favorite memories as a kid was scraping up enough money during the week to purchase a new hip-hop cassette tape and a paper cup of thick-cut fries from the Steak Escape. We took our children to the Opry Mills Mall in Nashville on vacation so they could see its grandness. I turned my back for one minute and it happened. My daughter was held hostage by a shiny object at a kiosk.
The young lady was selling “splat toys”. You fling it at the wall and it flattens out in a hilarious fashion. My daughter was intrigued and proceeded to practice her softball pitching motion and hit the bullseye. She thought the price wasn’t a good deal, walked away, but then accepted the lady’s counteroffer. She spent her hard-earned allowance money and this is where the story becomes a life lesson.
When she got a chance to use the new toy it burst open after about a dozen tosses. She was quite upset that her money was now gone and she had no way to return it. No, I didn’t rush out and buy her a new one. I didn’t offer to reimburse her for the allowance. I did teach her what the phrase “Caveat Emptor” means.
There you are enjoying your summer of sunburns, splinters, spider bites and then the back to school circular shows up. The radio DJ won’t keep his trap shut about going back to school. Your parents were so happy to show it to you just to let you know the end of summer fun is nigh.
The best part of back to school was getting a brand new trapper keeper to put your doodles in because the teacher was uninteresting. The worst part was showing up with your new clothes and sneakers only to be mocked for having last year’s models of Swede Pumas. How did seventh graders know this? I was happy to have name brands!
When I was a new dad many years ago and my wife went out with her friends for an evening without endless crying, feedings, and more poop than she cared to look at. It was also helpful to have an evening away from the newborn as well. Someone would inevitably chime in with, “Ah, doing a little babysitting eh?”. Well, no, this is my child, do you not remember? They are my responsibility too. Believe it or not, men know how to take care of the children.
Here is my best advice for new dads out there when you are watching the newborn.
If you’ve done all these things and the baby is crying, won’t go to sleep, and there is no immediate danger, then you did your job as a Dad. When your wife gets home, you can tell her everything was perfect.
When do you let your kids out of a booster seat? Whenever I want to, that’s when. I understand safety guidelines, but how is a booster seat going to help at the rate of speed that I drive? Or as a matter of fact, someone else is driving? A crash at that speed the child might as well be sitting on a stack of glued-together phone books.
I remember lying in the front seat of my Dad’s Dodge Dart when we had a wreck, and I believe I hit the windshield. But that part is fuzzy. I turned out fine. If a child can put their feet on the floor with their back to the seat and the seatbelt doesn’t choke them, then they are ready to toss the booster seat. Not out the window because I do not believe in littering.
I recall taking a nap in the front seat of my Dad’s Dodge Dart when my father had a wreck, and I believe I hit the windshield. But that part is unclear. I turned out just fine.
*Disclaimer, don’t break the law, check your local guidelines and follow them. Or at least, don’t get caught or wreck. Oh, who cares you are going to do what you want anyway.
I’ll never forget the look of shock on my Dad’s face when he was taking me to school and was curious to what the younger kids were listening to. I don’t know if he asked or I just inserted the cassette tape. Anyway, I played a few short snippets of the latest 2 Live Crew release. It wasn’t long before the tape was ejected and then very few words were spoken on the remainder of the journey to school. The cloud of disappointment was precipitous.
I’ve pretty much abandoned all Hip-Hop after 1997 because I really started listening to the lyrics and how terrible the content was. Turns out, I really only liked the beats and scratching. I’ve since started a small project where I will find the instrumentals and splice together the hooks and scratches so I don’t have to hear all the vulgarities.
Now that I’m an adult, I’ve become concerned with what my children listen to. They don’t listen to much other than Disney soundtracks or whatever I listen to when I take them places. Don’t worry, NWA and 2 Live Crew don’t make it into the rotation anymore. The closest I get to listening to Luke Skywalker is the Star Wars scores.
https://embed.music.apple.com/us/playlist/favorite-songs/pl.u-DpUKX47x
When do you let your kids ride in the front seat? Well, hopefully never. Maybe when they are old enough to drive. Once they make that move from the back to front, they will try to control the A/C and SiriusXM settings. We have a 100-pound rule in our state; once they reach that weight threshold, they can sit in the front seat. We figure by then they will be tall enough as well. So we have to control their diet so we don’t end up with a 100-pound 3-foot weeble wobble in the front seat. There are some stipulations.
As a follow-up to a previous post, there is another phenomenon going on in our society where kids are treated like animals. It hasn’t reached its apex quite yet. This says way more about the parents than it does the kids. These parents do not know how to handle their children and can’t set boundaries, so they create artificial ones.
You can make it look like a monkey on their back, but nothing is more demeaning than putting a child on a leash. What’s next, feeding your child from a bowl on the floor? Maybe take their diaper off and let them crap in the yard? Why not a shock collar and invisible fence so they don’t leave the yard?
How about putting them in a dog crate so they won’t destroy your house while you’re gone. Wow, I guess I forgot what I was talking about. Maybe take off the leash and let your kid make some mistakes. That’s how they learn.
First of all, pets are not children, they are animals. Yes, children are technically animals but they are a higher class and they eventually can clean up their own feces. Dogs can not pick up their own poop unless you consider eating feces cleaning up. Thankfully, my children have never eaten their own excrement, that I know of.
More and more I’m seeing dogs in strollers and in baby carriers at airports. People are using “service dogs” for all sorts of reasons. There are people who actually need service dogs and I understand that. But some people are severely allergic to dogs. If you are sitting near a dog, you are going to have a bad flight, especially if the dog takes a dump in the seat.
Bumper stickers are taking shots at parents by saying that their dog is smarter than their honor student. Nonsense, let’s see your dog use a pencil and write their name or enter a spelling bee. Women proudly display “Dog Mom” on their cars, but we already have another name for that and it probably fits the bill.
Honestly, I wish raising kids was as easy as having a pet, but it’s not nearly as rewarding. Kids are awesome and not just because they don’t eat their own feces.
I’ve never understood why people hold hands. I see many couples holding hands in public places. It’s a signal that the person is saying, “Hey, look at me, I’ve got another human as my companion, aren’t you jealous?” I also think these people are insecure, and they need to hold that person’s hand because they are low in self-confidence or just prideful and showing off that someone likes them enough to latch on. However, my children hold my hand while walking across the interstate. So there’s that.
Daily Irritant 
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