How to be a good pedestrian

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Who needs crosswalks?

Look for cars – Don’t assume we see you, if you are coming from a blind spot (say behind a bush or multi-passenger van) then you need to make sure a car is not already in the crosswalk. Don’t sprint out there in front of us.

Use the crosswalk – It’s there for your safety, it’s a clear path for you to make it safely to the other side while I’m trying to finish this blog post on WordPress mobile.

Walk in a straight line –Don’t walk diagonally from the lot to the door, again use the crosswalk it’s a great guideline.

Don’t dilly dally – I have frozen chicken in the trunk and we would prefer it was roasting on the grill and not near my spare tire.

Don’t text – your Facebook update or text message can wait until you are safely on the sidewalk.

Don’t stop – now is not the time to impress your girlfriend by showing that you have the right away and shout and throw your cigarette at my car.

Remember just because the law says you have the right of way doesn’t mean that you can walk like a zombie into oncoming traffic.

 

No more booster seat?

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

When do you let your kids out of a booster seat? Whenever I want to, that’s when. I understand safety guidelines, but how is a booster seat going to help at the rate of speed that I drive? Or as a matter of fact, someone else is driving? A crash at that speed the child might as well be sitting on a stack of glued together phone books.

I remember laying in the front seat of my Dad’s Dodge Dart when we had a wreck and I believe I hit the windshield. But that part is fuzzy. I turned out fine. I recall taking a nap in the front seat of my Dad’s Dodge Dart when my father had a wreck and I believe I hit the windshield. But that part is unclear. I turned out just fine.

In my opinion, if a child can put their feet on the floor with their back to the seat and the seatbelt doesn’t choke them, then they are ready to toss the booster seat. Not out the window because I do not believe in littering.

*Disclaimer, don’t break the law, check your local guidelines and follow them. Or at least, don’t get caught or wreck. Oh who cares you are going to do what you want anyway.

When can kids ride in the front seat?

When do you let your kids ride in the front seat? Well, hopefully never. Maybe when they are old enough to drive. Once they make that move from the back to front they will try to control the A/C and SiriusXM settings. We have a 100-pound rule, once they reach that weight threshold, they can sit in the front seat. We figure by then they will be tall enough as well. So we have to control their diet so we don’t end up with a 100-pound 3-foot weeble wobble in the front seat. There are some stipulations.

Guide to rubbernecking an accident

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via GIPHY

 

There are two types of people when passing an accident on the roadways.

  1. The person who says, “We should all pray for them so that everyone is safe”
  2. The person who says, “If they survive, they should be taken to jail after they’ve been treated for their injuries. They’ve ruined my day and my plans.”

Seriously, if you are in traffic and you are approaching an accident, just GO! It’s none of your business what is going with that scene. Certainly, don’t slow down and try to look. If you do witness some gore, it will haunt you forever. Keep moving…

Guide to driving on the interstate highway

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Far left lane

You are also known as the pace car. Your job is to keep everyone going the speed limit. If they pass you on the right they are then breaking the law. But so are you by continually using the far left lane. Buy hey someone else will be using it if you don’t, so why shouldn’t it be you. You are trying to keep everyone safe by obeying the posted speed limit.

Middle lane(s)

This one is a bit tricky. You have to work well with others. If you can find an 18-wheeler then you are golden. Just keep pace with them and you can now block two lanes of traffic. Bonus points if they are in the far left lane.

Far right lane

Your job here is to block people from merging in and off the interstate. You don’t want people in front or behind you. Your goal is to run them into the grass or wrap them around a tree.  It’s also your duty to ruin peoples cruise control pace. Try to maintain a 5 to 10 MPH under the speed limit.

HOV Lane

If your city has an HOV lane then you must use it no matter what. If you don’t want to carpool and don’t have any friends or family. By now, your driving habits should secure that status for you. You will need to construct some sort of stuffed clothes mannequin, or just follow the rules of using the Far left lane and play dumb when you get pulled over and cause everyone to be an hour late for work.

Make your own lane

Finally, if all else fails, make your own lane. This can be driving on the lines if you have a motorcycle. You can also drive on the shoulder or medians to pass people if you are in a hurry. Above all else remember, you are the most important person on the road, so act like it!

 

When should you use high beam headlights?

Are you the type of person that drives with your high beams on all the time? I mean even during the daytime because you don’t know how to disengage them?

I have a car with the LED headlights. So when an oncoming vehicle flashes me highs, I then burn their retinas with the next level brightness. These special LEDs also allow you to see inside your neighbor’s soul if they own a home at a 3-way intersection.

Some cars now have light-sensitive high beams. They will lower if there is oncoming traffic. That, of course, is optional. In my opinion, there should only be high beams. Humans will adapt, we always do.

Locking the car windows before your fart

Probably one of the worst things you can do to your family is lock the car windows and then unleash a seat warmer. When someone shouts “Roll-down the windows,” say you don’t know what they mean because there are no rollers in the car.

But seriously, do you still say roll-down the windows? It’s like saying rewind a YouTube video.