How to hide your birthday on Facebook

I typically try to hide the fact that it’s my birthday. I go as far as to block people from posting on my Facebook wall. I also hide my birthdate in my settings. Mostly so I can see who really remembers. I thought I had it disabled today because I got a few messages from people who I would expect. But then the birthday well wishes started flooding in.

Facebook is really good for remembering people’s birthdays and guilt tripping you the next day that you forgot to wish someone a happy birthday. But let’s not forget the main purpose of Facebook is to go on religious and political rants so you have no friends left to wish you a happy birthday.

How to:

about

Find your birth date and click the lock.

lock

Enjoy your loneliness.

 

Exciting Friday Night

I’m too exhausted to have any Friday plans. So this is a welcomed image of my social life. I didn’t enjoy going out when I was younger and I’m sure as heck not going to start now. A happy Friday is a quiet Friday of doing nothing.

There is no maybe…

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Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

When someone invites you to an event, there shouldn’t be an option for maybe. Treat all maybes as a no. If they show up without confirmation, make it difficult for them to find a seat or gain access to food. If they complain simply say, “I saved all the prime positions and delectable foods for people who told me yes”. The maybe is only there so that if something better comes up they can leave their options open. Eventually, the person will wonder why they don’t get invited to things anymore.

Setting up inside jokes…

laughingIt’s only a matter of time before holiday parties are here. It’s time to start learning how to behave at social gatherings. One of the most important and annoying things for other guests are inside jokes. They don’t have to be complicated, here’s how to get started.

Get to the party early

You need to establish an inside joke quickly before the other guests arrive, even if it’s five minutes before. Make a joke about opening jars of french onion dip. Then that night whenever your host says something about France, Onions, or Dip, bellow with laughter and nudge the host. If everyone is looking at you with complete dumbfoundedness, simply say. “Oh, you had to be there.”

Keep referring the inside joke

Even if people don’t care, keep bringing up the same joke and laugh even though it’s not that funny anymore. Make it awkward for everyone else so they feel totally excluded and like they don’t have any friends in the room. Don’t forget to put on your best smug face as you work the room.

Don’t ever explain the inside joke

It ceases to become an inside joke if you tell someone else. This nugget of knowledge is just for you and your host. The other guests don’t deserve an explanation. They will never have the bond that you and your best friend host have. Take this joke to your deathbed and rattle it off one last time before you pass on to the afterlife. It’s good to be there!

 

 

Happy Friendship Day

Friendship day is another greeting card invented event where you are supposed to enjoy your relationships with others. I say it’s a good time to clean house on your Facebook lists.

  1. Look at your friends list
  2. See who has the most friends
  3. Unfriend that “friend”
  4. See how long it takes for them to send you a friend request
  5. Repeat every week until you have no friends

Chances are if someone has 3000+ friends they won’t notice you’ve unfriended them until they see you pop up on the “Find New Friends” or “People you may know” feature. Hopefully, Facebook has it in their algorithms that you don’t surface again.

Have fun, enjoy and tell a “friend”!

Say my name, Say my name

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Dale Carnegie once said, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language”. Unless that name is said over and over in a debate or argument. For instance you are trying to defend your belief or position on a topic and the person keeps interrupting you and saying your name. “But Bob, you know….” and “Bob, you don’t realize.” Or the best of all when they chain your name together. “Bob, Bob, Bob…”

I don’t know if that bothers anyone else, but I stop them and ask them why they keep saying my name. I say, “I know my own name, did you forget who you are talking to and you have to keep reminding yourself?” Stop being so condescending.

How to say No!

Photograph_of_Mrs._Reagan_speaking_at_a_'Just_Say_No'_Rally_in_Los_Angeles_-_NARA_-_198584There is something wrong with “my” Generation X. They don’t know how to say no. They really don’t know how to say yes either. Not sure what happened, but there is this overwhelming sense of not disappointing someone. I have no trouble saying no, in fact, it’s an automatic response for me. Mostly because I don’t want to do anything.

However, I’d rather someone just tell me no rather than say: “Let me get back to you”, or “Let me think about it.” I tend to treat that as a no and do not ask again. Whatever it is. My generation also suffers from “Let me see if something better comes along before I commit to anything.” It probably comes from the whole “Just Say No” campaign back in the 1980’s because that didn’t work either.