Taking your kids to a ballgame

Taking your children to a baseball game can be a memorable experience. Here’s how to make the most of it

Bring a tablet/smartphone

This way they can watch videos or play a video game and not the actual ballgame

Buy them all the food they ask for

Hot dogs, popcorn, peanuts, cotton candy, funnel cakes, dippin’ dots, etc. This keeps them busy instead of watching the game.

Bring signage

Things like “First game”, “It’s my birthday” and waves them in front of players or coaches so you can collect as many signed baseballs as possible.

Pose them for shots

Take pictures with all the gear you’ve collected for them. Post them immediately on Instagram or Facebook with the false narrative that they are big fans of the game when they haven’t actually one inning.

Actually, watch the game

Here’s an idea, watch the game. Eat a stadium classic food and enjoy the sights, sounds and smells of the ballpark. No distractions just baseball.

Share the road?

I don’t know who I’m more afraid for. The guy on the bike or the two men putting their faith in that tailgate.

It’s fine if you want to ride your bicycle, but c’mon, across the twists and turns of the Great Smoky Mountain Expressway? You put your faith in people who text and drive around kiss your a$$ turns? You are a true adrenaline junkie if the odds of getting smeared all over the side of a mountain are this high.

The Karate Kid ruined martial arts

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I mean that in the nicest way. It inspired many kids to stand up to bullies by learning martial arts from a janitor while executing illegal moves in a tournament. The ref seemed to turn a blind eye to Daniel-San.

I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about whenever someone finds out you are taking martial arts. It doesn’t matter if it’s Kung-fu, Tai Chi, Karate, Taekwondo, Jujitsu, or Ninjago, someone will form a crane stance and make a Bruce Lee woo to make fun of you. Depending on how much you learned and if you are any good, then now is a good time to sweep the leg.

Standing in common walkways.


Whenever you are attending a sporting event where many people are moving from place to place, stand in the common walkways. Take up as much space as possible. Walk side by side instead of single file. Don’t forget to stop and reverse directions. You might want to make sweeping hand and arm gestures so that you accidentally hit someone as they are walking by.¬†Remember, you are the only important person there.

Sideline coaching Swim Edition


How do you coach your child in swim from the sidelines? It’s easy, here are a few tips.

  • Tell them to dive, what other way to enter the pool?
  • Scream at them to “Go, pull, stroke” while they are coming up for air.
  • Tell them to swim fast
  • Tell them to swim hard
  • Point out their mistakes as soon as they exit the water
  • If they won first place, make sure they beat their previous time. Otherwise, tell them what they did wrong
  • If they won first place and beat their previous time, point out their mistakes so they know to improve.

As you can see it’s pretty easy to coach from the sidelines for swim as well. If your kids aren’t crying or cracking under the pressure then you aren’t doing your job.

Also, see How to coach baseball/softball

Participation trophies are for the parents


Kids don’t want trophies, they just want after game snacks. This was confirmed once I saw a parent asking to take a picture of their kid after the baseball season ended. The parent wanted a pose with the trophy, but the kid held up his post-game hot dog instead. These participation trophies are to make the parents feel better about their kid not being good at their sport. Kids love to play the sport, they like the free snack after the game and just to get away from you for an hour or so.

Once a kid reaches a certain age the trophy needs to be earned. Trophies for kids who make the all star team is where it should begin and end. If you have a travel ball team then hand out awards for different catagories such as “best hitter” or “best defense”.¬† Other than that, the after season party with free food should be enough.

What’s better than Gatorade?

This sports drink is all on every golf hole, it’s free but tastes terrible. It does leave your mouth feeling really clean. They should really work on the dispenser, hard to quench the thirst with the current delivery method.