Top Golf Clichés


Get in the Hole

This is shouted from a par 5 tee shot. Maybe more appropriate when someone is on the green or chipping and the ball brushes past the hole. Nah, it’s never good to say this. It’s just annoying.

Drive for show, putt for dough

This is said as a passive-aggressive insult whenever you outdrive your playing partner. Works out well if you put your next shot near the pin and tap in for birdie or eagle. Hopefully, after they’ve 3 putted for double bogey they will shut up.

Beach reference

Whenever someone lands in the sand trap some will reference one of the following phrases. “Nice day for the beach”, “Did you bring your sunscreen?”

Water shot

“Get your snorkel” or “That one didn’t skip.”

When you hit a good shot

“That’s a golf shot right there”. But aren’t they all golf shots? Even the ones that skip across the green from a bladed chip shot that goes into the greenside bunker or lake filled with alligators and snapping turtles?

Mentioning your score

Don’t ever mention your score to someone after the round. For example when you say, “I shot an 85”, someone will chime in, “Well, what did you shoot on the back nine?” Hilarious every time.

Do you trust golf course water?

I’m glad it’s fresh water and not salt water. But really, how fresh is it? Do they clean the cooler or just top it off each day? Do people put their mouth directly on the spout and guzzle? Who cares, on a hot day of golf, this is free and delicious. If it comes out like mucous then I’ll probably skip it.

How to coach from the sidelines.


It’s tempting to coach from the sidelines, but if you must, remember these helpful tips.

  • Tell your kid to hit the ball when they are up to bat
    • Also to swing at strikes
    • And don’t swing at balls
  • When they hit, tell them to run, ruN, rUN, RUN!
    • Tell them to run hard!
  • Tell your kid to throw the ball when they catch it.
  • If they are a pitcher, tell them to throw strikes.

Stand as close to your kid as the fences allow. You can also put your mouth between the steel cage diamonds and shout unimpeded.  Have some prearranged after the game system of punishment if they didn’t measure up to your expectations? Let them know during the game that you are keeping track of all their mistakes.

Also, don’t do any of these things. Let the coaches coach and you keep your mouth shut unless you are simply cheering your kid on.

Changing some of the Golf Rules



Where is the 10th Hole?


The pace of play in the game of golf has become ridiculous. I will refuse to play on the weekends unless a family member is visiting. I know it’s all about making money reguardless of skill level, but I believe there should be some local course rule changes to adapt to the times.

Spread out the tee times

Stop booking tee times ten minutes apart. Even the best players have difficulty finishing a hole in 10 minutes or less.

Seniors day

If you have a group of four eighty-year-olds, don’t let them go out first and put them in front of four groups of scratch golfers.

Amateur day

Have a specific time of day where you let amateurs and kids play. Spread the tee times about 30 minutes apart to allow for lost ball searching and hitting 3 topped shots out of the fairway.

Walker Wednesday

Some of us don’t like to ride in a cart. We don’t want to be intimidated by carts trying to run us over in the fairway.



Travel Ball Tournament Essentials

What do you bring when you’re at an all day softball or baseball tournament?

A player – It doesn’t make sense to attend a tournament if you don’t have a player

A cooler – Preferably something that holds ice for more than an hour

Something to keep a cooler cold – You can put ice or these cooler shock packs

Something to keep cold – Skip the soda and beer and bring lots of water and Gatorade. Bring fruits, nuts and other low sugar snacks to keep fueled.

Cooling towels – It’s better than nothing

Sunscreen – Don’t forget to apply every few hours or you will have tan lines on your face.

A Chair – Preferably one with shade if you don’t have have any friends who brought a canopy.

First aid kit – Things will happen and bleed or get swollen.

Wagon – It’s better than carrying everything

Dissappointment – Don’t forget to bring your complaining face. If your child is not performing at perfection level, let them know in front of all the other parents.