The best thing since sliced bread.

 

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Don’t reserve the seats outside the theater

 

Why does something get compared to sliced bread whenever it’s considered the best new thing? With a good knife, bread is easy to slice.  However, if I had to pick something as the best thing since sliced bread then I’m going to go with reserved theater seating. I’m so glad that my local theater has deployed this method of sitting.  Using your smartphone to pick the seat you want as soon as tickets go on sale is super convenient. It allows for dinner time beforehand without the pressure of waiting in a line that snakes out the door. It also allows you to skip the 20 minutes of previews that you’ve already seen on Youtube. During that time people have polished off their trough of popcorn so you can skip the part where it sounds like everyone around you is eating wicker furniture.

So what happens when you get to your seat and someone is perched there? It hasn’t happened yet, but in our age of entitlement and equality, it’s only a matter of time before someone complains that it’s not fair that you got the best seat in the house. You know,  because you planned ahead.

May the 4th Be With You?

 

May the ordinal number 4 be with you? Well, that doesn’t make sense. That’s because we live in a society where grammar doesn’t make sense anymore. I know it’s supposed to be a play on “May the force be with you” and it was cute when it first started. However, now that you see it posted for every Facebook friend you have, the luster is lost. I mean I guess if everything else can have a day, why not Star Wars? Why not release a Star Wars movie every year on May the 4th?

Buying vs repairing televisions.

Remember when you would visit your grandparents and they had the huge oak box with a TV in it? You go back to visit 20 years later and the same TV is still playing reruns of Andy Griffith. What happened to those quality built TVs?

In 20 years I’ve owned a bunch of television sets. Every single one has failed me. You can’t get them repaired because to replace a button costs $500 and a new TV will cost you $550. So just toss it into the landfill and get some new tech.

I bought a 4,000 HDR UHDTV recently and it has been worth every penny of digital currency. If granny were still around she would probably fuss about me sticking my face so close to the screen to see those pixels.

How do you turn off Netflix Preview Music and Video?

Dear Netflix,

Please provide us a way to turn off the automatic music and previews that play when we browse for shows. The auto preview will usually flash up the most gratuitus violence or key plot points. I understand having the theme song or overture for the movie, but this made up music is terrible. It gets even worse if you share the same music across the different movie titles. Yes, I know there is a mute button, but there is no way to stop the mini trailers. Well, I guess you could unsubscribe from Netflix or go old school and get the discs.

Kids at the concession stand

I wonder if those Atom prepurchased snacks are worth the extra coin? Because recently at the movies I was getting a few overpriced snacks to finish during the previews. Because really, who waits on the movie to polish off a tub of popcorn.  Anyway, I try to pick the shortest line but it never works out for me. I spotted a line with 4 kids and I assumed they were with an adult. To my delight, I saw that each child had their own ziplock bag of money and instead of what I thought was a one to one parent/child, now turned into four minor transactions. At this point, all the other lines had snaked into a j-shape near the ticket booth so there was no turning back now.

Oh it gets better! None of these kids could do simple addition and subtraction so they didn’t know how much money to give the cashier. Thankfully the cashier was able to compute the calcuations without the need of an abbicus. Listen, I’m all for teaching kids that paper and coin money exists to be earned and spent. However, movie theaters won’t pause the movie while kids spend a years worth of allowance on costly snacks. Parents, do us all a favor and teach that lesson somewhere else. Kids are useful to haul away the goodies but not to partake in the commerce exchange. Maybe I will try Atom next time.

The PlayStation 4 is terrible…

I know I’m late to the game on this, but I can’t believe how terrible the PS4 is. The menu system is clunky and it doesn’t allow you to put your favorites in the top row. We stuck a CD in there to rip to the hard drive and guess what? It doesn’t play CDs.

The PlayStation Pro goes even a step further in not letting you do things. While it supports 4k resolution, it doesn’t allow you to play 4K discs. What’s with all the disc hate?

I guess I’ll be switching to Xbox One X as soon as they get MLB the Show and the Street Fighter series. Oh wait, those are exclusive titles! Dang you to Hades PS4! It’s really smart of Sony to exclude the 4K Movie format, that way you have to buy their Ultra HD Bluray player.

No More CDs at Best Buy!

I think it’s hilarious that vinyl has become popular again. For the longest time it was all the rage and the only thing that existed. Did you ever listen to a 78 speed record at 33 and a third, it was quite amusing. Cassette tapes made music portable and CDs made it even easier to abuse other’s ears with your terrible music choices via your car loudspeakers. Now that we have music on our phones, you can carry a Bluetooth speaker inside of every building and force your horrible music on everyone’s eardrums.

I’m sure the people who are buying turntables and listening to vinyl are the same people who use typewriters at Starbucks. I think the next logical step is for people to install floppy drives into their computers and trade files via disk. USB is too mainstream.