Toilet seat up or down?

Ever since the toilet was invented and the opposite sexes shared it, the argument of whether the seat should go up or down has raged.

The discourse is easily settled. Both the seat and lid should go down. That lid is there for a reason. The reason? A plume of human excrement mist erupts when you flush. You don’t want to breathe that in. If you do you might want to chase it with a few squirts of  Poo-Pourri.

Summer activities for kids

garden grass meadow green

Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

Now that summer is in full swing, your kids will need something to do so they don’t get bored.  There are plenty of fun activities you can plan, but the most important thing is to teach them the value of hard work. Here are just a few simple ideas.

Lawnmower pushing

If your child can ride a go-kart by themselves and their shoulders are even with the lawnmower handle then they can cut the grass. Be sure to disable the self-propelled mechanism on your mower so they don’t ride it like a go-kart.

Weed pulling

Make it a game. Find all the weeds and put them in a big pile and run them over with the mower. It’s a win-win.

Vegetation watering

After all the weeds have been pulled, it’s time to water the plants. If you have a garden you can add harvesting ripe produce to the list of activities.

Car washing

Kids like to play in the water, so why not add a bucket of soap and a tire brush? They can have fun and you get a clean automobile.

 

Proper toilet paper installation

The most popular method has quickly become the empty cardboard tube on the dispenser with the new roll of toilet paper on the countertop.

There has been a raging debate since the invention of toilet paper. How do you install the roll? Is it over or under? There should be no debate, the inventor clearly designed it to work a certain way as illustrated in the photo. However, when you go to someone’s house and use the bathroom, whichever way the toilet paper is installed, switch it to the other direction.

 

Tips to Take a Toddler on Vacation

 

petParents

That’s no toddler

 

Now that we’ve successfully transitioned from having small children I thought I’d “throw up” a few tips that I remember from taking them on vacation. Yes, we all know to bring pack and plays, diapers, wipes and food, but what about the out of the ordinary things that keep the parents from going insane on vacations?

  • Small bottle of Dish-washing liquid – rancid sippy cups of milk found the next day in the floorboards are no fun to clean
  • Door stops – Toddlers are fascinated with opening and closing doors. It gets old with parents really quick. Especially if the doors are really heavy and can lop fingers off with ease. Rubber door stops are really cheap too.
  • White noise device – We use our one of our iPhone’s with White Noise, it’s great for drowning out the questionable random noises of a hotel room. You can also pick up a dedicated device. Just make sure to keep it out of their reach unless you want it cranked up to full volume in the middle of the night.
  • Stroller or Alternative – We had two different types. The Maclaren and we also have the Tikes Mobile. The tikes mobile was great for us because it gave our boy a sense of control and doesn’t give the impression that we are torturing him with the stroller.
  • Not a phone or tablet – there is a little human that you’ve been put in charge of. Narrate what’s going on around them. Don’t give in and reward their temper tantrums with candy or an iDevice.
  • Patience – We all don’t have enough of this, toddlers can drive you crazy, they are all over the place. It’s easy to scream at them when they don’t do what you want. But keep them busy and don’t miss naps. If you can keep them happy on a trip, it will trickle down to everyone.

Best litter for your feline overlord 


I’m not impressed by many products but this Slide litter by Arm & Hammer is pretty great. This litter almost has a play dough like consistency once it reacts to the cat pee. It’s reminiscent of litter critters. There is nothing worse than scraping off dried diarrhea from the bottom of the litter pan because your cat is stressed out. While this is not the best smelling cat litter on the market, it smells better than most. It does well at covering up the odor of cat urine and feces. If you combine this with a litter genie your guests won’t even know you have a cat. That is unless they are deathly allergic and can’t breathe upon entering your home.

They’re growing up too fast…

 

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He grew up too fast

People are always saying this about their children. However, it’s very sad to me. Usually, people say this when they haven’t seen your kids in awhile because of the lapse in time periods makes it seem as if the child is growing at an alarming rate. It’s even worse if a parent says this about their own kids. It makes me think that you are not paying attention to your kid. Unless you are injecting your kids with HGH or they have a pituitary gland disorder then your kids are probably growing at a normal pace for a human. Or maybe it’s just a figure of speech, who knows!

 

Do you still do date nights?

If you are married then stop calling it a date night. You are no longer dating, you are now married. Unless you are committing adultery or eating a bunch of phoenix dactylifera then it’s just a night out with your wife, husband, wifband, husbife, or whatever our country had defined two wedded partners to be.

Also, stop calling it babysitting your kids when your wife has a “girls night out”. Also, they are women, not girls. At least call it Ladies Night so you can get the Kool and the Gang song stuck in your head.