Where are you really from?


Where do you really call Home? Is it the place you were born or the place where you’ve lived the longest? Is it the place where all of your stuff is? I would say it’s where you want it to be. I mean, my kids were both born in Tennessee, but they are really from South Carolina. Even though my son wears Mountaineer gear and my daughter wants to constantly visit Orlando. But just remember nobody wants a backstory. They just want to know where you currently live because they want to judge your accent and speech patterns.

When I tell people I’m from West Virginia I usually hear. “Oh what part? I love Roanoke and the Shenandoah Valley!” I have to say. “You know West Virginia is a whole separate state right?” It’s like having to explain to someone. “I’m from South Carolina” and hearing. “Oh, I just love the Charlotte area!”

When I travel up North I hear, “You don’t sound like you are from South Carolina”. Yeah, I know! I’ve picked up a hybrid accent from West Virginia, Alabama, Tennessee, and the Carolina’s. I do my best to enunciate and speak clearly,  but once I’m tired I’m not sure which dialect will surface. Sorry for the backstory.

Cleaning up your child’s vomit.

oldpillow
Vomit Trampoline Effect

I don’t puke that easily, so cleaning up my kid’s vomit was not an issue. It’s weird, it’s like God gives you anti-upchuck receptors for your own children.

However, once I smell my own stomach contents the upchuck flows effortlessly. While I’m down there commode hugging, if I haven’t cleaned the toilet recently, it moves matters forward. The worst case is when I stayed with my Granny in Nitro, WV when I was about 10 years old. I was sleeping on a cot in the dining room and woke up hollering vomit into my pillow, splashing all over my face and overflowing into the floor. It just kept flowing and woke everyone in the house. It had to be the butter-flavored Crisco popcorn and Cool Ranch Doritos having an argument on who gets the last bite of overcooked fried chicken.

What are your greatest puke moments?