Beginners guide to vaping?

Most people set a new years resolution to stop smoking. I think this year I will start smoking. I can start with the lowest level cigarette skin patch so I can build up a tolerance.  Next, I’ll start chewing the cigarette flavored gum. Hopefully, then I can then graduate to vaping so that I can billow clouds of smoke to attract attention to myself. I guess my final step in the journey is to smoke regular cigarettes once vaping becomes too costly. It’s either that or putting my mouth on the smoke holes on the restaurant outdoor ashtrays.

I have nothing against vaping or people who vape until they start building their own cumulonimbus around a no smoking sign at a child’s sporting event. I wonder when they will invent a vape helmet so that that you can contentiously enjoy your emissions?

Welcome to Cheat Week?

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Most diets will let you have a cheat day, but the days following Christmas to New Year’s are declared cheat week. If you know you will be going back on your diet, why not try to gain as much weight as possible to skew those top numbers so it will look like you accomplished more? Who are you kidding, you haven’t been on a diet since Thanksgiving and have been enjoying a cheat month.

One time at work they had a competition of who could maintain their weight during the holidays. If you stayed within a few pounds then you would get a gift card or something. I had a co-worker who actually lost weight during the challenge. Here’s how he did it. On the day of the weigh-in, he had on a big sweater with an undershirt, canvas cargo pants, and boots. When he was weighed after the holidays it was unseasonably warm and he was only wearing a Dri-fit polo shirt, some light khaki pants, and loafers. He lost 4 lbs over the holidays! Talk about a real cheat month!

But seriously, why not just treat food with respect and enjoy foods but don’t overindulge. I’ve been a food lifestyle change since January 2016 and my body rejects junk food almost immediately. I feel terrible when I eat it, so I rarely reach for it.

Do you let your 8 year old smoke?

8yearoldSmokerJust thought it was odd when I was renewing my policy during open enrollment for Blue Cross Blue Shield. Can’t believe it’s an option, but I’m sure if you clicked next on the signup wizard you would be denied coverage and reported to DSS. At least, that’s what should happen.

A side note, I got a letter from South Carolina Blues saying that there are cheaper options than I currently have. There was also a slam about our “current administration” in there too. But the shocking thing is I compared the two plans and one of them was $300 cheaper for the EXACT same coverage. Let that be a warning to you. Go check out your open enrollment options, don’t let your same policy roll over. You could be paying more than you should.

Punishing people with Healthcare Prices

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For as long as I’ve been employed I’ve had healthcare coverage. But since I now work for a company that doesn’t provide those benefits, I’m on my own to purchase it. First of all, it shouldn’t be called Healthcare, it’s really catastrophic sick care. The only reason you need it is if you wind up in the hospital so that you don’t ruin your life financially.

Why punish people who make more money? I get the same coverage as my neighbor but I’m paying twice as much because I make more money? That makes no sense. It’s like paying twice as much for gasoline and groceries just because I bring home more green. Sure, I could shop at Whole Foods or Earth Fare, but I shop at Aldi and Walmart because Blue Cross and Blue Shield are bleeding me dry.

Tax reform doesn’t seem to matter. Whatever minimal break I get on the taxes won’t begin to cover the heaping piles of cash my healthcare provider is raking in. I’ll get the same (or worse) coverage for an exponential rate increase.

Fall is the worst season of the year


I used to love the fall season, but now…

  1. Seasonal Effective Disorder is real
  2. All clients at work want everything done so they can relax by Thanksgiving and Christmas.
  3. Homeschool activities ramp up so we can enjoy the holiday break
  4. Crazy busy with sports
  5. Cold air now makes my bones and back hurt
  6. Mold is in the air and makes me sick
  7. Dead leaves are depressing, messy and moldy
  8. Pumpkin spice is disgusting and should be on a controlled substance list
  9. Making sure you start Christmas shopping early enough so you can actually enjoy the Holiday season.
  10. We have to mess with the clocks so that it gets dark too early.

How to calm your anxiety

  • Drink lots of booze, actually, this makes it worse because of dehydration
  • Drink more coffee, we’ll maybe not, caffeine puts you on edge
  • Yell at your family. This never helps. Just makes your family not like you.
  • Don’t exercise, well maybe you should. It will increase oxygen flow to your brain and burn off all that anxiety energy
  • Become more self-centered. Well, maybe you should serve others. The whole reason there are needles in your mind is that you’re too focused on you.
  • Don’t talk to anyone. Well, maybe, seek professional help if you feel like you will hurt yourself or someone near you. Research any pills they try to shove down your throat. Don’t have faith in Morpheus like Neo did.
  • Just remember, in 100 years you will be dead.

How to prepare for a Hurricane

Panic – Start freaking out right away because it always helps.

Hoard – Buy up all the milk, bread, eggs, and water. Buy as much as you can. It will rot in your fridge because you will lose power.

Ignore traffic laws – Run red lights, try to ram the cars pulling out in front of you. Walk across busy streets with dark clothing.

Fight – If you feel like someone is stopping you from hoarding, or you want to prevent someone from hoarding, then fight them.

Don’t do any of this. Just remain calm and pay attention to your local officials. They have your best interest in mind. You will be in lots of traffic coming and going, so be patient. If someone is being an idiot, just let them. If you have to scramble at the last minute for water, non-perishables, ice, or generators, then it’s already too late.