Clearly, this person is having an internal conflict that has surfaced on their vehicle via bumper sticker theology. Side note, how long do you leave a political sticker on your car even though the election is over? Do you still have your Dole/Kemp bumper sticker?
It’s only a matter of time before holiday parties are here. It’s time to start learning how to behave at social gatherings. One of the most important and annoying things for other guests are inside jokes. They don’t have to be complicated, here’s how to get started.
Get to the party early
You need to establish an inside joke quickly before the other guests arrive, even if it’s five minutes before. Make a joke about opening jars of French onion dip. Then that night whenever your host says something about France, Onions, or Dip, bellow with laughter and nudge the host. If everyone is looking at you with complete dumbfoundedness, simply say. “Oh, you had to be there.”
Keep referring to the inside joke
Even if people don’t care, keep bringing up the same joke and laugh even though it’s not that funny anymore. Make it awkward for everyone else so they feel totally excluded and like they don’t have any friends in the room. Don’t forget to put on your best smug face as you work the room.
Don’t ever explain the inside joke
It ceases to become an inside joke if you tell someone else. This nugget of knowledge is just for you and your host. The other guests don’t deserve an explanation. They will never have the bond that you and your best friend host have. Take this joke to your deathbed and rattle it off one last time before you pass on to the afterlife. It’s good to be there!
For as long as I’ve had money and ears I’ve been purchasing music. I started with cassette tapes in the 80s and moved on to CDs in the 90s followed by iTunes in the 00s. Now I have the AppleOne subscription where I can upload all my CD-rips and enjoy endless tunes connected to Apple Music.
Music (Yes)
I have a disappearing collection of CDs as they have all been put into Apple lossless format. I rarely purchase a physical CD anymore unless I sign up for a Kickstarter campaign and get the artist to sign it.
I purchase soundtracks for my favorite movies and have the physical CD and the auto-rip from Amazon. Once I subscribed to Apple One, and for only $39 a month, my family and I can listen to anything we want with our own playlists.
Books (Maybe)
I’m slowly removing all my physical books from my shelf and replacing them with their digital counterpart. I’ll keep a few on the shelf because I could never part with them. My Grandmother’s study bible and hymnal, my personal bible collection, and a few Star Wars books. But other than that I have everything on my Kindle. Let’s hope Amazon doesn’t close its virtual doors anytime soon.
Movies (No)
I still own many movies, I have VHS, DVDs, Blu-rays, and 4K discs. I also own the original non-special edition Star Wars films on Laserdisc (and a Laserdisc player). Physical media is superior because they don’t buffer like streaming services. You get the highest quality picture and sound. They also don’t disappear from the platform every few months.
It’s a neat idea to have all your media in the cloud, it would put those time-life CD infomercials out of business because you can dig in the virtual crates and find all your favorites, all for the easy payment of $9.99 a month.
There are sauces that are hot and full of flavor and there are sauces that are so hot they are just full of hatred. I’ve tasted some mighty hot sauces in my day but there comes a point when you’ve got to put your pride aside and try to enjoy some flavor rather than just pure heat.
My latest encounter with heat was with Hattie B’s “Shut the cluck up” hot chicken. It was full of flavor but the heat was almost unbearable potentially ruining the meal. There’s a fine line between heat and taste. You want to tiptoe the line to know what causes hiccups or a vomit reflex. But you want enough heat to induce sweating and a slight watering of the eyes.
Here are my top hottest things ever that have left a scar on my memory, in no particular order.
If we are being honest, the whole point of heating hot food is so you don’t have to share it with your family.
The only option I have for the internet is Spectrum. To get a good deal I have to make the business and residential services compete with each other.
After getting locked into a “deal” for spectrum business class. They started offering lower rates and faster speeds. After several attempts, they offered to raise my rate to $349 a month rather than the $100 I’m paying now. Not that good of a deal in my opinion.
So I decided to sign up for residential service at a lower rate and faster speed. But now the tech for the business class came by and disconnected me on the street. They truly are separate entities because they don’t check to see if you signed up for another service, they just cut the cord. I called to see if they would come to fix their mistake and they said since I’m a residential customer they wouldn’t touch the line. I said it didn’t stop you from disconnecting my residential a few hours ago.
So now I’m at the mercy of Spectrum. The sad thing is if you are a business customer they will fix your problem within 4 hours, but now that I’m a lowly residential customer I have to wait for the first available appointment. Even though it’s their error.
Fast forward a year, and I spent about a half hour today trying to give Spectrum my money for cable TV. The deal kept getting worse. By the time my base package was quoted, it was $160 for broadcast channels (no DVR) and internet. My current promotion ended and it was now $140 for both, which was up from $110 the previous month. So I ended up dropping cable and now only paying $60 for the internet. Now guess what’s showing in my newsfeed? Ads for Sling, Dish, and DirecTV. I will probably go with Sling since it works with AppleTV. Thankfully, AT&T Fiber is coming soon.
Well, for one it’s easier to throw your garbage out of the window for someone else to deal with. What’s not easy is putting your trash in the map pocket of your car, or God forbid you have a small trash bag in your car, and then emptying it out at the next destination.
The worst litter job I’ve ever seen was a man throwing entire bags of McDonald’s drive-through out of his window. I’m not sure if he didn’t like the food or maybe his family didn’t appreciate all the hard work he performed that week and he disposed of their dinner in protest of their ungratefulness. Nonetheless, I saw the car rock back and forth, and then three large bags of food flew. They were full bags too, fries burst out and went everywhere. It was quite a spectacle to behold.
Slow Service
No one is paying attention to seat you, and when you do get seated it takes awhile for wait staff to come get your drink order because they are…
Short Staffed
Very few want to serve food to other people. Why would anyone if they can just as easily drive it to your house or apartment and leave it on your doorstep? If you do happen to sit down and order something they will come back a few minutes later to tell you they are out of something because of…
Food Shortages
This happens when warehouses catch on fire, planes crash into factories, or someone gets too much pesticide on the crops. Not to mention the cost of fuel not making the deliveries worth the effort.
Indifferent wait staff
When your order finally comes, and it’s wrong it’s not going to get any better. The best you can hope for is a free item or credit back to your bill if there is someone in charge.
Food quality
Even fast food has come to the point where you can make it better at home. It’s not even convenient anymore with the long drive-through lines.
Just stay home and learn to cook with an air fryer, instant pot, and a few skillets, you are better off that way.
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Whenever I’m on the road and see a travel center, they seem to tout the cleanliness of their restrooms. You will see a glowing red sign which reads “Clean Restrooms”. As it turns out, it’s actually a notification that the restrooms are in need of attention. It seems like everyone is following the same rules when using a public restroom.
One day, I hope to live in a world where everything is automated.
After about a month, Sirius XM gets old and repeaty. I took a trip to the grocery store and heard the long version of the Humpty Dance on Rock the Bells Classic Hip Hop. Once I got tired of the endless loop, I flipped over to 90s on 9 where the Humpty Dance was just beginning. Also, you can only hear Downtown Julie Brown so many times.
You will get your three-month preview whenever you get a new car, but that’s as far as you should go. One time, I made the mistake of getting the 6-month extension for $29 ($36 after fees), so I was stuck hearing Humpty Hump for a few more months. By the way, Sirius XM doesn’t work well if there are trees around or you pull into a gas station. The signal will go out because you need a line of sight to the satellite. Once your free trial is up I suggest Apple Music if you are an iPhone user. That way, you can put Humpty on repeat to your heart’s desire.
Daily Irritant 
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