Unwritten rules for Zoom and Teams Meetings

Start time

Start the meeting early, and then ping the participants if they are joining

Microphone

Keep your microphone unmuted, allowing the background noise to dominate the call. Once you are called on to speak, your first words should be “Can everyone hear me?”

Don’t pay attention

If you are called on, say your mic was muted and you didn’t hear the question.

Screen Sharing

Ask everyone if they can see your screen, but show the wrong screen. Keep your resolution at 4K so no one can see it.

Camera

Leave your camera off. If you are asked to turn it on, say it’s broken.

New team member

Ask to do an icebreaker to make everyone uncomfortable and waste time.

Snacks

Eat crunchy foods with your mic unmuted, such as Celery, Ice, Corn nuts, Pork Cracklins with Attached Skin