Author: SA Otey

Software Engineer

Summer activities for kids

~ SA Otey

Now that summer is in full swing, your kids will need something to do so they don’t get bored.  There are plenty of fun activities you can plan, but the most important thing is to teach them the value of hard work. Here are just a few simple ideas.

Lawnmower pushing

If your child can ride a go-kart by themselves and their shoulders are even with the lawnmower handle then they can cut the grass. Be sure to disable the self-propelled mechanism on your mower so they don’t ride it like a go-kart.

Weed pulling

Make it a game. Find all the weeds and put them in a big pile and run them over with the mower. It’s a win-win.

Vegetation watering

After all the weeds have been pulled, it’s time to water the plants. If you have a garden you can add harvesting ripe produce to the list of activities.

Car washing

Kids like to play in the water, so why not add a bucket of soap and a tire brush? They can have fun and you get a clean automobile.

Are you afraid of the dentist?

~ SA Otey
industry metal technology manufacturing
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’ll admit, I’m absolutely terrified of the dentist. When I was four years old I had many teeth pulled without being properly numbed. I was a sickly child so all the medicine I consumed rotted my baby teeth so they had to come out. I don’t remember much, but it was dark and there were pink and blue lights everywhere. Maybe that’s what trauma looks like to a 4-year-old. I remember every subsequent dental visit my mother bought me a toy afterward.

My moms took me for one last cleaning in 1991 (never got that toy) and I didn’t go again until 2008. Yes, 17 years! It wasn’t a good experience when I went back. Not that my teeth were in bad shape, but the dentist I went to was an old man who was a dentist in the Army. It felt like he took out each individual tooth, cleaned it, and put it back into the socket. The last time I went was in 2011, I had two cleanings, the first time I had no cavity creeps. On the second visit 6 months later they said I had 7 cavities. So I’m guessing they rubbed something on my teeth to make them rot. I haven’t been back and my teeth are still fine.

I take my kids to the dentist every 6 months for a cleaning, but these kids have it easy. Their dentist has video games in the waiting area, a super cool themed office, and TV screens in the ceiling so they can watch DVDs while they get dental work done. When I was a kid, we just sat in a white room in a metal chair while some old man with super minty breath yanked on our teeth for 30 minutes. As a bonus, we had to sit still with a mouthguard full of goop that tasted like sauerkraut water.

Time to pull out those teef

When should you use high beam headlights?

~ SA Otey

Are you the type of person who drives with your high beams on all the time? I mean, even during the daytime, because you don’t know how to disengage them?

I have a car with LED headlights. So when an oncoming vehicle flashes my highs, I then burn their retinas with the next level brightness. These special LEDs also allow you to see inside your neighbor’s soul if they own a home at a 3-way intersection.

Some cars now have light-sensitive high beams. They will lower if there is oncoming traffic. That, of course, is optional. In my opinion, there should only be high beams. Humans will adapt; we always do.

Locking the car windows before your fart

~ SA Otey

Probably one of the worst things you can do to your family is lock the car windows and then unleash a seat warmer. When someone shouts “Roll down the windows,” say you don’t know what they mean because there are no rollers in the car.

But seriously, do you still say roll down the windows? It’s like saying rewind a YouTube video.

A family is not required

~ SA Otey
Swig and Swine Family tray of meat

If you have the option to order a family platter of anything, you should. If the family is a qualifier then tell them you have a family, but they are not with you. When you order a family platter ask if it’s a family of pigs you are eating or if the quantity is meant to be consumed by a family. That’s an important piece of information, otherwise, you may eat too much.

Also, everyone needs a family. That title was misleading.

Don’t be ashamed buying feminine products.

~ SA Otey

rafikiPadsI think all guys are required to buy feminine products for their spouse as a married man’s right of passage. It’s a humbling experience and an awkward one if there is another woman in the aisle, especially if you ask for recommendations. Almost as awkward when you ask a waiter for a sanitary napkin when you really meant a wet nap.

I think the worst pad pickup was when we were out of town traveling back from a 10-hour drive. As much as I enjoy being trapped in a cage with a honey badger after spending time with in-laws, it doesn’t help when I have to make a late-night visit to a strange town to get uterine diapers. For some reason, I went to Wal-Mart that night. As usual, there are about 500 registers at Wal-Mart, but only two are staffed. I noticed a short express line and only two people waiting, but as soon as I entered the cashier turned off her light. When she finished checking out the person in front of me she spat her venomous rejection that she was closing down.  In an act of desperation after seeing thousands of people with buggies filled with dog food and I raised my voice drawing attention to myself and the cashier. “Ma’am I’ve very sorry but my wife is bleeding in our hotel room” I called attention to my only item raising it high for all to see like Rafiki holding up Simba. She lowered her head and apologized, “I completely understand”. I was her last customer for the night.

Top Mistakes Motorcycle Riders Should Avoid

~ SA Otey
IMG_0168

The best way that I’ve found to reduce motorcycle fatalities is to not own a motorcycle. Unless a motorcycle crashes into my vehicle and the rider flies through my windshield,  then my chances of dying by motorcycle are greatly reduced. Here a just a few observations that I’ve noticed that will help you not die on a motorcycle.

  1. Wear a helmet
  2. Don’t wear flip-flops
  3. Don’t make your own lane by riding on the white line between cars at a high rate of speed
  4. Don’t ride on the shoulder or median at a high ride of speed during traffic jams
  5. Don’t swerve into the other lane if someone is trying to pass you on the left
  6. Don’t text and ride your motorcycle (yes, I’ve seen it)
  7. Make your motorcycle as loud as you can so we can hear you!
  8. Lastly, don’t ride your motorcycle (still the best way of not dying).

Yes, I’m not man enough to own/ride a motorcycle. I had one wreck on a dirt bike as a kid and my legs went numb for a few minutes. I’m good. But enjoy yours, and don’t be a jerk.

Proper toilet paper installation

~ SA Otey

The most popular method has quickly become the empty cardboard tube on the dispenser with the new roll of toilet paper on the countertop.

File

30+ Correct Way To Put Toilet Paper

There has been a raging debate since the invention of toilet paper. How do you install the roll? Is it over or under? There should be no debate, the inventor clearly designed it to work a certain way as illustrated in the photo. However, when you go to someone’s house and use the bathroom, whichever way the toilet paper is installed, switch it to the other direction.

Starbucks is the new Maxwell House

~ SA Otey
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My Old Setup in 2002

Today, people flock to Starbucks because it’s what they know; they don’t know any better. Growing up, I could not stand the taste of coffee. My parents and grandparents would pour these foul-smelling cups of what looked like oil runoff from the Sears Auto Center.  It’s what they knew because it was the cornerstone of the market. People get used to what they know, and it’s hard to change.

Current setup

When I buy Starbucks coffee, I get the jitters because there is so much caffeine in each cup. It’s like they spray the beans with extra caffeine before they grind them. Get to know a local roaster. It’s the best way to get your coffee; it will cost less and taste much better. Keep it simple with a Press Pot, Hot Water Kettle and a good burr grinder.

Realistic Workout Equipment Expectations

~ SA Otey
photo of black clothes on hangers

It’s frustrating to purchase exercise equipment. Not because it’s expensive, but because there is an unrealistic expectation in the commercials. You always see super-fit people using the equipment. Why not show some regular people who are really out of shape struggling to untangle themselves from the BoFlex cables? Show us how easy it is to use. Don’t show us some elite athlete who is maxing out the equipment. You are setting us up for failure. It’s also important to know how many hangers of clothing the item can eventually hold