Sometimes the memory of your favorite foods is far better than the food itself. Once you’ve lived in different parts of the country and experienced different flavors and styles of cooking, your old favorites become the second-string runner-up. So if you have a favorite restaurant in a town you no longer live in, stay away. Keep that memory and don’t ruin it by eating there ever again.
Sorry, Gus’s Fried Chicken!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, obviously, it was chasing after the other chicken. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I’ve always believed it was the chicken. But if a chicken isn’t a “bird of the sky,” was the chicken created on day six instead of day five?
If you have to use a porta-potty, find the largest one, chances are there is a dry patch for you to stand in while you try to hit the target. Try not to look down the hole it will break your concentration and you will mess yourself. If you must defecate, you should probably wait until you go home.
I don’t understand why so many people are getting tattoos on their feet. Nor do I understand why people want to expose their feet and draw attention to them with a big flower. If your work doesn’t allow tattoos, you can silently rebel by getting one that you can cover with a sock. Maybe you can get a tattoo of a shoe so you can not wear shoes at work.
When it’s a nice country drive kinda day, why not frustrate other drivers along the way. For instance, when you’re driving on a single-track road and a double yellow line appears you should drop your travel velocity 10 mph under the speed limit. Hopefully, the double yellow stripe is long allowing you to build a nice caravan of cars. However, once the line breaks and allows other to pass, give it some gas. This will cause maximum frustration for the drivers behind you. Repeat this process until you are rammed from behind or arrive at your destination.
Putting your life events in digital format is the easiest way to capture your memories. You know, instead of actually watching the event with your own eyes, you watch a smaller version of the event as you “tape” it with your smartphone.
There are some people that are beyond help. Those people watch a widescreen video in portrait mode on their iPad. It doesn’t even register when it’s played back on a widescreen tv that there are huge black bars on the side of the screen and the video in the middle. These are the same people that complained about the widescreen DVDs.
Social Media Platforms have caved to the masses by allowing most formats to be filmed vertically. It’s almost impossible to upload a widescreen video to Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook. Youtube is the last resort for widescreen videos, but they now have “shorts” that allow this vertical format. I hope soon that the entertainment industry will start filming vertically so we can match our smartphone users’ video filming and viewing preferences. Maybe smartphone technology will advance to the point where it will always record in the widescreen aspect ratio and fix the issue for good. Or maybe the TV industry will start making portrait sets to hang on your wall.
In our age of helicopter parenting, we now have to ensure our kids don’t fall off swings. The super swing disc looks like a great idea, but it’s not cheaper than an old tire tied to a rope to a tree branch that will snap at any moment. I mean, that was the whole point of swings, the danger! Swinging on an old rusty hole-ridden swing set with uneven legs rocking back and forth is how we tested our limits of fear.
There was always that one moment when you reached the height of the upper support bar and felt as if you were going to break free of gravity and sail into the treeline behind you. It was flying off the swing or crashing onto the gravel below. No, we didn’t have rubber mulch back then either.
I’ve let my kids fall off the swing set, walk behind them, and get clobbered by the person swinging. You know what? They never tried it that way again. They have to learn the hard way. Let them fail, just don’t laugh at them when they do. Well, don’t let them see you.
How many people empty their virtual shopping cart once they get to check out and see that shipping is 50% or more of the purchase price? This happens a lot on eBay. Those catcher’s shin guards are a great price at $35 until you see that it’s $50 to ship it.
Don’t fall for the lure of free shipping because it doesn’t exist. Sellers should just say, “I’ll pay for shipping” because FedUps doesn’t pick up your box and say, “This one’s on us”. Most of the time shipping is built into the price of the item. When something costs $1 to make and sells for $50, offering free shipping is pretty easy. When those infomercials double up your offer but just pay “processing”, be prepared for sticker shock. I’ll just stick to my Amazon Prime Free Shipping that I pay for upfront every year.
https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/51556654-fedup-with-politics-in-2024?store_id=339207
Instead of looking at your smartphone while waiting for a table at a restaurant, simply stare at the wall in front of you. People will eventually look there too. Well, not really, they are too busy interacting with other people via their smart devices because people have forgotten how to talk to other humans.
Riding on the elevator? Turn to the rear and stare at the wall. When you exit, walk backward.
While using the urinal, stare at the wall, seriously, this is no time for wandering eyeballs. In a doctor’s office? Stare at the wall, don’t answer any of their questions, and you will probably get a free ride to a nice padded room. Then you can stare at the wall all you want. Dreams come true!
Daily Irritant 
You must be logged in to post a comment.