Sometimes it’s a great thing to say, “I’ve kept a seat warm for you”. However, when you are coming out of the stall and saying this to the next patron, things might get weird. Sometimes you don’t know how recently the toilet was in use. Some people may like it, but when I sit down and the seat’s still warm, I get a little uneasy.
I’m glad it’s fresh water and not salt water. But really, how fresh is it? Do they clean the cooler or just top it off each day? Do people put their mouths directly on the spout and guzzle? Who cares, on a hot day of golf, this is free and delicious. If it comes out like mucous then I’ll probably skip it.
Your spouse: Immediate if not sooner
Co Workers
Family
Others
What is your standard text message reply time?
How do you react when someone speeds up behind you after you’ve safely entered the roadway. They speed up to the point where you can’t see their headlights. My immediate response to someone riding my bumper is to slow down ten miles per hour from my current speed. I will also make sure that I make a complete stop at every intersection and do a left-right-left check. I might even take my time inside the roundabout. I’m in no hurry.
New car technology is making it more difficult to attempt entry into another motorist’s trunk. The forward collision detection will apply brakes if it senses you are too close. Good thing you can disable it.
Hulu says “Come TV with us” and Walmart says, “Easter like you mean it”. Why are we teaching grammar to our children? If marketing executives have thrown the rules of grammar out the window, why should we bother? I’ll tell you why it’s so our kids can eventually replace the people who can’t speak or write correctly.
I’ll admit that I’m not the bested expert at wordsmithing, but our society has done begun devolving into a new type of language.
Don’t you love it when you go over to someone’s house and it’s spotless? Well, it’s because you planned the visit. Go over in about a week, but unannounced. If it’s still spotless, don’t stay friends with that person. They will just make you feel bad about yourself because you and your life are a filthy mess.
However, if you invite someone over, please clean your house the best you’ve ever done in your life. Once they get there say things like. “Sorry this place is such a mess” Then you can make them feel bad and they will think you have such higher cleaning standards. Then they will not be your friend anymore.
The trick is to just leave your house a little dirty, let people know that you are still human.
If you’ve ever watched a food TV show that interviews the diners, you can be sure that these phrases will come up.
It puzzles me when someone says there is no such thing as absolute truth. I’ve found that to be absolutely false. There are two universal absolute truths in this world and here they are.
It’s fantastic that retailers still do mail-in rebates. Instead of offering a rebate you just offer a lower-priced product by the rebate amount. You will move more products and not bait and switch.
I don’t clip coupons because they are a waste of time and I won’t purchase a product, cut out the barcode, copy my receipt and wait for the mailman to steal my rebate. Western Digital still owes me $50 from 1998 for a 500 MB hard drive.
Daily Irritant 
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