Author: SA Otey

Software Engineer

Why Vinyl Records Are Popular Again

~ SA Otey

I think it’s hilarious that vinyl has become popular again. For the longest time, it was all the rage and the only thing that existed. Did you ever listen to a 78-speed record at 33 and a third, it was pretty amusing. Cassette tapes made music portable. CDs made it even easier to abuse other’s ears with your terrible music choices via your car loudspeakers. Now that we have music on our phones, you can carry a Bluetooth speaker. You can walk inside every building and play your horrible music on everyone’s eardrums.

I’m sure the people buying turntables and listening to vinyl are the same people who use typewriters at Starbucks. The next logical step is for people to install floppy drives into their computers and trade files via disk. USB is too mainstream.

Why Bragging About Kids Often Backfires

~ SA Otey

https://amzn.to/49qPQQd

You have to be careful when bragging about your kids. Just know someone will “one-up” you almost immediately, if not sooner. For instance…

“Our baby is finally sleeping through the night”

“It’s nice right! My infant started sleeping through the first night we brought him home from the hospital”

“I think I see a tooth popping through!”

“Yay for you, of course, my infant already has his adult teeth, in fact, we let him open our soup cans”

“I think I just heard him say Mama”

“Really? I’ve been having conversations with my child for months now. He’s already moved on to Latin and Mandarin.”

“He took his first steps!”

“That’s nothing, my kid started walking as soon as he was born, in fact, I was 52cm dilated and he walked out of my uterus.”

“He has figured out how to open the baby gate!”

“Well, our kid didn’t have enough weight to push the foot pedal to open the gate, but he managed to find the toolbox and use the screwdrivers to disassemble the gate to let himself out”

“I think we are finally potty-trained after a few short weeks!”

“That’s great! Our kid was potty trained on the first try, of course, he was changing his own diapers since birth anyway”

“Our kid learns songs so quickly he has such a great memory”

“Let me know when he learns to play an instrument with precision such as mine that is the same age. He can join our band and start touring”

“First day of Kindergarten!”

“How sweet! Sorry, your kid was held back by your terrible parenting. We started at age 3 and we are already moving on to Linear Algebra at age 5”

Unforgettable Odors: The Worst Smells in Life

~ SA Otey
IMG_4300
This DQ Fountain smelled like puke

I’ve got a pretty sensitive nose and I’ve always smelled everything since I was a kid. I have no idea why but whenever I pick something up no matter what it is I smell it. The smell is also linked to memory somehow, so I guess that’s why I have a good memory.

Here are a few top choices for worst-smelling things

  • The back of my ear after I forget to wash there for a few days (take your index finger swab the length of the back of your ear and try it)
  • A blackhead is growing on your back, and you can’t reach it. You were unaware of it until your wife wanted to dig it out with a pair of tweezers.
  • A sippy cup of milk that has been under the seat for months until the stink escapes the one-way valve.
  • I used to own a toy called a Stink Blaster. It was fun to play with at work. I had to keep it in a zip lock bag in the garage.

Probably the worst thing I’ve ever smelled is when I got home from school one day. As soon as I got out of the car, the smell was overwhelming. It hit me like a sack of soiled diapers left out on the beach during the summer months. We finally tracked down the source. Apparently, there was a dead cow on the hillside and it was halfway decomposed and apparently exploded.

How to quickly get out of any conversation.

~ SA Otey
Photo by Arindam Raha on Pexels.com

Some people just don’t know when to quit their verbal dialoguing. There are a few things you can do to ease the conversation to an end.

Electronics!

Play with your SmartPhone or Nintendo Switch OLED.

Making eye contact

You can make eye contact with other people as they walk by and use your “Help me” eyes. If you see a person with said “Help me” looks, call them on their phone and save them. Or you can make deep eye contact with the person talking your face off. Don’t reply, just maintain deep eye contact, even if they walk away first.

Other tips:

  • Have children under five, so you can blame ending the conversation on them.
  • Start asking really personal questions
  • Start talking about your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It might save you from ever talking to that person again!

Mastering these quick exit strategies will save you from awkward or endless conversations while keeping things polite and professional.

    Groundhog Day: Weather Predictions and Fun Facts

    ~ SA Otey
    Groundhog-Day
    Phil and Phil

    Groundhog day is one of those special times of the year. We all wait for a woodchuck to forecast how much longer we have to deal with seasonal affective disorder. Don’t worry, spring will be here soon enough along with all of the allergies to go with it. Then you have summer heat exhaustion to look forward to. How about you just enjoy your present moments. Don’t trust meteorologists or prognosticating rodents but rather a system we’ve all agreed upon.

    Groundhog Day 30th Anniversary SteelBook (4K Ultra HD + Blu-ray + Digital) [4K UHD]

    Essential Urinal Etiquette Tips

    ~ SA Otey
    IMG_4168
    Watching someone drain it

    Urinals are great for allowing an expedited transaction almost anywhere. However, there are a few essential things to keep in mind to make everything go smoothly.

    • Look toward the ground when approaching the urinals (especially if others are urinating)
    • No eye contact, look at the wall in front of you. Some places have TVs!
    • Make sure you get all the fluids into the urinal, no one likes a slip-and-slide on the way to the drain
    • Don’t spit your chewing gum into the urinal, remember someone has to clean that out.
    • Do not make conversation.
    • Do not vomit into the Urinal
    • Do not defecate into the Urinal
    • If it’s a manual model, execute a flush only if the content color resembles water collected in a rusty bucket. “Save a flush”

    I would say wash your hands but sometimes your man parts are cleaner than the wash station at some restrooms. Remember to use the hand sanitizer when you return to your car. You can also use the one you carry in your holster.

    Cute Frog Standing Potty Training Urinal for Boys Toilet with Funny Aiming Target – Blackish Green

    How to respond to Traffic Lights

    ~ SA Otey
    IMG_2647
    Almost a wreck action shot
    • A white line indicates where you should stop at a red light. That is not for you but for the car behind you. Get your whole car into the intersection!
    • If you’re the first car at a stop light, now is an excellent time to check your smartphone and catch up on text messaging. This will allow you to miss when the light turns green causing the person behind you to beat their steering wheel until their hands are a bloody pulp.
    • If you’re second in line, watch the perpendicular light as it progresses toward its tertiary state. Honk your horn mercilessly in the split second before the light ignites green! If a response is not obtained in no less than a nanosecond, start beating your hands on the wheel until they are a bloody pulp.
    • If you are trying to make a left turn and there is no leading green or flashing yellow, gun it through the intersection before the other driver can move forward.
    • If you are trying to make a left turn and the light is about to turn yellow, your full car needs to be in the intersection! Attempt to clip the oncoming car’s rear bumper as your final act of aggression.
    • If you need to make a right and there is one car in front of you, use the sidewalk or grassy area.
    • If you are arriving at a 4-way stop and another car is approaching, it doesn’t matter where the white line is. It matters who stops first. One car could be at the white line, but if you have about 50 feet before you get to the white line you stop first. Go! It’s your turn!
    Juztec Slow Children Playing Sign For Street, Caution Kids At Play Safety Sign, Down crossing traffic signs outdoor

    Navigating Traffic: Tips and Tricks

    ~ SA Otey


    Stuck in traffic? Don’t want to wait patiently like everyone else? Make your own lane out of the shoulder of the road. Whenever someone does this, and I’m getting off the next exit legally, I match their speed. This way, they have to stay on the shoulder as long as possible. I figure they wanted to ride on the shoulder. They can kick up rocks for people behind them until they are forced to squeeze back in. If they are turning left off the exit, they should make a right from the shoulder. Then, they can make a U-turn.

    The Truth About Car Turn Signals and Safety

    ~ SA Otey
    Blinker Fluid-Hand HELD Version-Hilarious Gag Gift-Stocking Stuffer-Car Prank-8 oz Empty Bottle

    Turn signals on motorized vehicles are no longer needed because they have lost effectiveness.

    Turning to Side street

    Don’t trust their turn signal if you see someone coming while leaving a subdivision. You never know when someone forgot to turn it off or accidentally enabled it. They can’t hear the audible clicking of the signal because they’re blasting their sub-woofers. You have to wait for them to commit to the turn.

    Changing Lanes on Interstate

    A turn signal on the interstate only serves one purpose. It alerts someone to speed up and block you from changing lanes. The only way to change lanes is to swerve and signal halfway through to avoid a ticket.

    Parking

    Signaling to park will only invite others to steal the spot from you. Fist-a-cuffs will ensue. Just park far away from the store. Exercise is good for you. Getting your face caved in is not healthy.

    Go Old School

    Stop bowing to the Gods of Illumination and Electricity and use what God gave you. Use only arm and hand signals.  Makes it easier to extend a kind wave after someone lets you in (or other hand gestures). If you are on a motorcycle, first look over your shoulder with a stern look. Then point to the lane you intend to enter.

    Retail Customer Frustrations: A Ticket to Understanding

    ~ SA Otey
    Take a Number!: A Tiny Ticket Dispenser

    The customer is ultimately the one who gives you money, but that shouldn’t make them right. Customers should implore some common sense before they go asking inane questions to store associates.

    The full quote is often considered to be “The customer is always right, in matters of taste,” which means that even if a customer’s preference might seem wrong, a business should still cater to it as it’s a matter of personal taste; this phrase is most commonly attributed to Harry Gordon Selfridge, a retail magnate. 

    I worked in retail for a few years at Office Depot and it was quite frustrating to deal with some people. Most of the time people would come in asking for ink refills or typewriter ribbons. I would ask what model they own and they couldn’t remember nor would they bring the empty with them. They bought it at Office Depot, so I guess that was enough.

    Of course on the other end of the spectrum, if you work at a place you should know your store and what you stock. There have been times when I’ve asked someone at Best Buy where a certain item is located. They are quick to reply they don’t carry the item and go about killing time until their break or shift ends. I always make it a point to find the item, locate the said employee and show them the item they don’t carry. Then proceed to order it from amazon from my smartphone.

    Recommended website. Not Always Right