Author: SA Otey

Software Engineer

How to Frustrate Drivers on a Country Drive

~ SA Otey
you shall not pass the lord of the rings GIF-downsized

When it’s a nice country drive kinda day, why not frustrate other drivers along the way.  For instance, when you’re driving on a single-track road and a double yellow line appears you should drop your travel velocity 10 mph under the speed limit. Hopefully, the double yellow stripe is long allowing you to build a nice caravan of cars. However, once the line breaks and allows other to pass, give it some gas. This will cause maximum frustration for the drivers behind you. Repeat this process until you are rammed from behind or arrive at your destination.

The Impact of Vertical Videos on Modern Viewing Habits

~ SA Otey
For watching vertical videos

Putting your life events in digital format is the easiest way to capture your memories. You know, instead of actually watching the event with your own eyes, you watch a smaller version of the event as you “tape” it with your smartphone.

There are some people that are beyond help. Those people watch a widescreen video in portrait mode on their iPad. It doesn’t even register when it’s played back on a widescreen tv that there are huge black bars on the side of the screen and the video in the middle. These are the same people that complained about the widescreen DVDs.

Social Media Platforms have caved to the masses by allowing most formats to be filmed vertically. It’s almost impossible to upload a widescreen video to Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook. Youtube is the last resort for widescreen videos, but they now have “shorts” that allow this vertical format. I hope soon that the entertainment industry will start filming vertically so we can match our smartphone users’ video filming and viewing preferences. Maybe smartphone technology will advance to the point where it will always record in the widescreen aspect ratio and fix the issue for good. Or maybe the TV industry will start making portrait sets to hang on your wall.

Why Kids Need the Thrill of Old Swings

~ SA Otey


In our age of helicopter parenting, we now have to ensure our kids don’t fall off swings. The super swing disc looks like a great idea, but it’s not cheaper than an old tire tied to a rope to a tree branch that will snap at any moment. I mean, that was the whole point of swings, the danger! Swinging on an old rusty hole-ridden swing set with uneven legs rocking back and forth is how we tested our limits of fear.

There was always that one moment when you reached the height of the upper support bar and felt as if you were going to break free of gravity and sail into the treeline behind you. It was flying off the swing or crashing onto the gravel below. No, we didn’t have rubber mulch back then either.

I’ve let my kids fall off the swing set, walk behind them, and get clobbered by the person swinging. You know what? They never tried it that way again. They have to learn the hard way. Let them fail, just don’t laugh at them when they do. Well, don’t let them see you.

The Truth About Shipping Costs and Free Shipping Myths

~ SA Otey
FedUpLogo

How many people empty their virtual shopping cart once they get to check out and see that shipping is 50% or more of the purchase price? This happens a lot on eBay. Those catcher’s shin guards are a great price at $35 until you see that it’s $50 to ship it.

Don’t fall for the lure of free shipping because it doesn’t exist.  Sellers should just say, “I’ll pay for shipping” because FedUps doesn’t pick up your box and say, “This one’s on us”.  Most of the time shipping is built into the price of the item.  When something costs $1 to make and sells for $50, offering free shipping is pretty easy. When those infomercials double up your offer but just pay “processing”, be prepared for sticker shock. I’ll just stick to my Amazon Prime Free Shipping that I pay for upfront every year.

https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/51556654-fedup-with-politics-in-2024?store_id=339207

Stare at the wall…

~ SA Otey

Instead of looking at your smartphone while waiting for a table at a restaurant, simply stare at the wall in front of you. People will eventually look there too. Well, not really, they are too busy interacting with other people via their smart devices because people have forgotten how to talk to other humans.

Riding on the elevator? Turn to the rear and stare at the wall. When you exit, walk backward.

While using the urinal, stare at the wall, seriously, this is no time for wandering eyeballs. In a doctor’s office? Stare at the wall, don’t answer any of their questions, and you will probably get a free ride to a nice padded room. Then you can stare at the wall all you want. Dreams come true!

I’ve kept a seat warm for you…

~ SA Otey
Who else gets excited over a contoured seat?

Sometimes it’s a great thing to say, “I’ve kept a seat warm for you”. However, when you are coming out of the stall and saying this to the next patron, things might get weird. Sometimes you don’t know how recently the toilet was in use. Some people may like it, but when I sit down and the seat’s still warm, I get a little uneasy.

Is Golf Course Fresh Water Safe to Drink?

~ SA Otey

I’m glad it’s fresh water and not salt water. But really, how fresh is it? Do they clean the cooler or just top it off each day? Do people put their mouths directly on the spout and guzzle? Who cares, on a hot day of golf, this is free and delicious. If it comes out like mucous then I’ll probably skip it.

Text message reply time.

~ SA Otey
pexels-photo-230554.jpeg

Your spouse: Immediate if not sooner

Co Workers

  • 15-20 minute delay if you are dumb enough to give them your personal cell phone.
  • Don’t set expectations too high for your availability

Family

  • Siblings: 1 day
    • Cousins: 2-3 days
  • Parents: within the hour, or the next day, depending on the guilt trip that’s attached

Others

  • People who want a favor: delete immediately and never respond.
  • When someone is in the same room: shout across the room your reply
  • While driving: Whenever a police officer is not looking.

What is your standard text message reply time?

How to Handle Tailgaters on the Road

~ SA Otey
Don’t repair your front bumper

How do you react when someone speeds up behind you after you’ve safely entered the roadway. They speed up to the point where you can’t see their headlights.  My immediate response to someone riding my bumper is to slow down ten miles per hour from my current speed. I will also make sure that I make a complete stop at every intersection and do a left-right-left check. I might even take my time inside the roundabout. I’m in no hurry.

New car technology is making it more difficult to attempt entry into another motorist’s trunk. The forward collision detection will apply brakes if it senses you are too close. Good thing you can disable it.

The Importance of Teaching Grammar in Modern Marketing

~ SA Otey

Hulu says “Come TV with us” and Walmart says, “Easter like you mean it”. Why are we teaching grammar to our children? If marketing executives have thrown the rules of grammar out the window, why should we bother? I’ll tell you why it’s so our kids can eventually replace the people who can’t speak or write correctly.

I’ll admit that I’m not the bested expert at wordsmithing, but our society has done begun devolving into a new type of language.