I’m not talking about naturally gray hair, but people who are purposefully coloring their hair gray. Ask them why their hair is gray and for what reason. Just tell them if you want gray hair, you don’t get it from a box. You just need more stress in your life. Give it time!
Dear Netflix,
Thank you for providing us a way to turn off the automatic music and previews when we browse for shows. The auto preview usually flashes up the most gratuitous violence or critical plot points. I understand having the theme song or overture for the movie, but this made-up music is terrible. It gets even worse if you share the same music across different movie titles. Yes, I know there is a mute button, and I’m glad there is finally a way to stop the mini trailers.
https://help.netflix.com/en/node/2102
They died too young.
Who are you to say when someone is supposed to die? Do you magically know everyone’s expiration date? People aren’t cartons of milk.
They are in a better place
I know we aren’t supposed to judge, but isn’t this the worse kind of judgment? From a Xian perspective, this is the kind of judgment Jesus told us not to make, this one is delegated to him. It’s between Jesus and the departed.
They are no longer in pain
Really? How do you know what death is like, it might be the worst pain you’ve ever felt during the transition. You have no gauge because you’ve never died.
They are no longer suffering
Suffering is relative so how do you know they were suffering before? Maybe they were having a good time from their point of view.
Asking for stuff
I don’t know what the grace period is for asking to take the departed’s belongings, but when they are lowering the coffin into the grave is probably not the best time to ask if you can have the flat screen from their living room.
Depending on your worldview some of these things could be true. Again you are making a judgment that you are not qualified to make.
I once read a letter to the editor. Someone complained about having an extra hour of daylight. She said it ruined her garden. During the “spring forward” many complain about losing an hour of sleep. Well if you go to bed one hour earlier you can counteract this discrepancy. You might say, “I have trouble falling asleep!” Well, I’ve had my wrestle with insomnia, and let me tell you about this product. Non-habit forming and not as dangerous as radioactive butterflies. I tried prescription sleeping pills, but Melatonin works just as well. In fact, it might work better than anything else I’ve tried. They smell a little bit like death, but maybe that’s why they’re so effective. As the wise old Nas used to say. “Sleep is the cousin of death”.
Side note: I don’t understand why people are always saying this. “Ah, I slept like a baby last night”. I don’t consider a good night’s sleep waking up every two and a half hours. Either I need to poop in my pants or need something to eat. I think it’s time we started sleeping like grown-ups.
I hope by now you’ve set your clocks on your range and microwave an hour ahead. If you rely on those electronics to wake you up.
Not saying these things will show you are tolerant and keep you out of the Human Resource Office and employed. Really, you are better off not complimenting anyone.
Being kind, generous, courteous, and having good manners, blah, blah, blah. There are more important things to teach your children if they want to be successful humans.
Turning off lights when leaving a room
Instead of turning on every lamp, closet light, ceiling fan, and overhead light. Turn off all electric currents.
Making sure the refrigerator door is shut
No, that beeping is not from the garbage truck outside. It is not hauling away all the toys you’ve left on the floor. It’s the refrigerator cooling the entire house.
Proper toilet lid usage
If you sit, the top lid goes up. If you stand, both lids go up. When you are done, both lids go down. Then flush. The urine and feces flush plume is real.
Staying in your own bed
Just because you can’t sleep doesn’t mean you should ruin ours. If the door is locked do not knock. If there is a fire we will save you.
Not leaving dishes all over the house
Cereal bowls with spoons is a shallow puddles of milk. Half-empty cups of water with straws. Applesauce or fruit cups have the lid attached. The spoon’s weight leaves a trail of syrup on the table’s surface.
Putting clothes in the hamper
Not on the hamper lid or around the hamper, but inside of the hamper.
Taking the trash out of the car
When you exit the vehicle take all your items and garage stuffed in the side doors. All garbage off the floor. I remember my first car growing a plant in the floorboard because I didn’t vacuum it on a regular basis.
This list is just the beginning for your child to become a better human.
There was a transitional period when I was 17. I couldn’t find an anti-perspiration that would stop the river of briny fluid flowing from my pits. I tried several brands from Speed Stick, Right Guard, Old Spice, and Degree to whatever Dad was using. I finally found Arrid XX about mid-way through my junior year of high school.
At one point, I remember the sweat rings became enormous. They would reach the ends of my shirt bottoms. The rings even reached halfway to my back. It was like I was squeezing out a dish sponge under my arms. If I was sitting at a certain angle, I could feel the sweat drip and roll down the side of my torso. Before I found Arrid, I applied so much product. It would start to build little cakes in the armpit portion of my shirt. It would dry and make the armpit part of the shirt brittle and stiff. No amount of washing could fix it, you had to throw the shirt away.
The problem resurfaced once I started to lose weight. Arrid was ditched and switched to Certain Dri. It worked until my body stopped freaking out about losing so much weight so quickly. Now I’ve switched back to a normal deodorant. Also, sweating is linked to anxiety, so you probably need to chill out a bit, so to speak.
I see more and more people walking around with what appears to be cups of cream with a straw to siphon out the contents. I hope there is at least a shot of coffee or espresso in there. People really like coffee-flavored cream more than anything. This is evident because we have Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup coffee creamer. We have pumpkin spice in the fall, peppermint near Christmas, and then what? Do the flavors just disappear? I suggest we add a few fore flavors for spring and summer. Like tree pollen and suntan lotion respectively.
Just drink black coffee! Maybe add a bit of sweetener to cut the bitterness of improper roast and brewing. I’ll pass on what my college professor told me about how to drink black coffee. Start with a cup of cream and add a teaspoon of coffee. Gradually reduce the cream and increase the teaspoons of coffee until it’s blacker than a black hole’s a$$h0le.
I don’t remember getting cursed at by other drivers as much when I had my Chevy Silverado. There is an intimidation factor when driving a truck. I guess it depends on the type of truck you own too. You can still yell at people who drive stock Nissan Frontiers or Toyota Tacomas. However, that rule is thrown out the bigger the truck tires are or how high the little truck is jacked up. Also camouflage paint, exposed primer, or dents with rust. Visible and stocked gun racks also negate that rule.
What I don’t miss about the truck is the gas mileage and the tank size on fill-ups. Since I work from home that wouldn’t be such an issue considering my current car requires premium fuel. You can’t beat a truck when you need to haul a bunch of boards or get a yard full of mulch. However, you will be called upon to help someone move because they are too cheap to hire a Uhaul.
Let’s say you are just getting on the road for a long day of causing traffic problems. Your first entry into the flow of traffic is an important one. As you exit your street, look onto the main road or highway. Notice there is one car with no one behind them. Now is your opportunity to get in front of them. Never mind waiting an extra two seconds for a clear shot behind them. This would have prevented that person from slamming on the brakes and interrupting their texting session. You have to get in front of them! You can’t run the risk of them slowing you down. But now that you have your spot. Slow down, take your time, and have a carefree drive the rest of the way.
Daily Irritant 
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