Remember when you needed a FastPass for the FastPass kiosk so you can get more FastPasses. That is probably the number one phrase I hear at Disney, “I’m so glad we got a FastPass”. Really? Who doesn’t want a FastPass? Why would anyone say, “I’m so glad I get to wait in this 90-minute line for a 1-minute and 30-second ride. Of course, you can use the app or book ahead of time. However, it’s not beneficial unless you stay at WDW resort and can get the FP+ for the Mine Train at 8 pm because you still don’t have the inside track on bookings. I recently visited the Magic Kingdom and I felt like I needed to get a FastPass for the trash cans, water fountains, toilet, and even to exit the park.
Genie Plus was far from perfect, but you really need maximum Disney enjoyment to become super rich and take one of those guided tours where they shuffle you in and out of rides and give you all access to the underbelly of Disney. It might be easier to fake a horrible disease, but I’m sure Disney will vet you thoroughly via DNA scans, and you can get your super cool Fastpass.
Rules don’t apply Guy – The selfie stick is banned? No problem, I’ll shove it in some crevasse to sneak it in. The guy can even sneak in a cooler with lunch for his whole crew. Somehow, he’s flying a drone over Main Street USA.
Line skipper Steve – This person will come to the front of the line when it’s time to ride. How do they accomplish this? They let someone else wait for them. Whether it be a grandmother in a scooter or a wife with a stroller he manages to let others do the waiting. Always uses the phrase. “So sorry, just catching up with my family”.
Stroller Steamroller Sally -She has the biggest stroller you’ve ever seen, and it’s her weapon to make a path through the park. Your ankles will be destroyed. It will be your fault if you are hit.
Bassackwards Bruce -He’s related to Debbie and Patty, but he will reverse course in an instant. He will at least wait until you are right behind him and carrying a beverage so that it dumps over both of you.
Single Rider Abusing Brian -Brian will use the single rider line with his family of 12 leaving his younger children to fend for themselves either in line with strangers at the gift shop.
Never Hungry Hugh -He’s always munching on something. Turkey legs, popcorn, ice cream, and he’s never hungry. Not necessarily a fat person, but a person with deep pockets and a hollow leg.
Flashy Frida – Frida likes to use her flash on a dark ride, during fireworks, or to locate someone with the strobe effect on her phone. Frida doesn’t care if the ride is supposed to be dark and spooky. She’s the only person riding.
Body Oder Bobby -BO Bo likes to sweat it up all day at the park while smelling like a tub of French onion dip. The tactic works as it frees up space around him and sometimes will make people leave the line because they will start craving wavy potato chips.
Dead Stop Debbie – She will be walking in front of you and then come to a complete stop to check for wait times. Keep a safe following distance to allow her to stop and clear a path for any Sally’s nearby.
Path Blocking Patty -She’s at the exit of a ride looking at her one of many hundreds of selfies from the previous ride. She could be waiting for the rest of her party at the Fastpass entrance. She doesn’t want you to experience the ride before her so she pleads for you to wait so her family can all ride together.
Fastpass Freddie – Always has a FastPass no matter what. Somehow he’s got a friend on the inside or is using the FastPass that he booked for his 2-year-old or wife who gets motion sick.
Wait Time Walter – Checking the wait times of other rides at other parks regretting their park pick of the day.
Instagram Izzy – Has to have that perfect pose for social media to make everyone FOMO
Virtual Queue Viola – Always has a place in line no matter if the boarding groups are full. Will stand at the entrance waiting for her time while blocking the other boarding groups that are called.
One Step Ahead Fred – This person is in front of you at the turnstile, then at the rope drop, and then the people mover. As you exit the ride and you walk as fast as you can across the park, he’s already 20 people ahead of you on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. As you are leaving, he’s already on the departing monorail. You see him walking around Hourglass Lake while you are on the skyliner. When you finally get back to your room and open your door, you can hear someone in the shower. It’s FRED!
There is no need for a Lighting Lane if you want to watch some concrete set at the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World. I’ll come back in seven years to check on it. Not everything has a Lighting Lane at Walt Disney World, but some spots should. Here are a few ideas.
Bathrooms – Sometimes the sphincter muscles will not hold diarrhea at the doorstep. Some people would gladly exchange their Seven Dwarfs Mine Train pass for a luxury stall with Cottonelle wipes. Yes, your magic band would unlock the stall door.
Monorail – After a long day, nothing is more discouraging than waiting in a long cattle corral to board a bacteria tube filled with an unknown virus variant. Of course, if you have a motorized cart, you get an automatic Lighting Lane, but you don’t want to fake a disability.
Trams
After priority deboarding of the ferryboat or monorail, you should be able to choose your lightning lane for an express tram to the parking lot.
Quick Service Restaurants
Still not quick enough, you need your own lane to avoid people who continue to stand in line and have decision indecision over burgers or chicken strips.
First Aid
Sometimes you need contact lens solution, sometimes you need a bandaid, sometimes you need a tourniquet.
When your toilet paper is folded, you know that your resort really cares. It’s nice to find this because you are getting an unviolated roll. Unless someone finished wiping and this is how they tore the last piece. I wonder if this is something employees are trained to do or is this something they do on their own?
There used to be a shortcut to Storybook Circus beside Space Mountain. The path was lined with outcast smokers who were escaping frantic park-goers by calming themselves with a blast of hotboxed nicotine. You had to be mindful if you took your kids down this path of potential inhalations. They would get about a month’s worth of 2nd and 3rd hand smoke, which may have been enough of a taste to lead them to become lifelong smokers. In honor of that special spot, there is now a line of smokers waiting a the Tron rider out of the eye line of cast members. Smokers never give up; smokers find a way.
I don’t know if you ever could, but I know you can’t drink alcohol at the Magic Kingdom. You can still booze it up at Epcot, Animal Kingdom, and Hollywood Studios and then head on over to Magic Kingdom. However, it doesn’t stop smokers with cigarettes of an electronic nature. No, that’s not pixie dust, it’s vapor clouds.
I once stayed at the Swan and Dolphin Resort inside Walt Disney World during a company retreat. It’s a really nice hotel and something I wouldn’t choose to stay at normally. The cafes and restaurants are out of this world expensive so I can see why someone would want to float the bill to another guest. I had a large purchase on my room ticket and it turned out to be $28 worth of food at the Java bar. I at first thought it was an in-room charge for using the Starbucks coffee pods.
When I checked in, their credit card machine was down. So they used one of those carbon-copy machines to do an imprint. I’m shocked those things still exist. I assumed someone found my card and went caffeine crazy. To my dismay, all someone had to do was write down a room number to charge it. You should have to at least verify the name or show some I.D. This hotel went retro with the credit and mistakes were made. The good thing is they gave me my money back, but the guy in accounting didn’t act like he believed me. I said I have a digital trail that shows I was in Hollywood Studios during the time of purchase. But their tone from him was “Yeah, sure”. Oh well, at least someone got free coffee overpriced coffee.
Can you guess which ride? No, it’s not the auto-flush toilet. Even those have a wait time. On a side note, you should probably add Genie Plus Lightning Lane to the toilet bowl near Pecos Bill’s after you eat two pounds of beef nachos. It’s tough to find zero wait times, but it’s possible. Just a tip, if you ever see a 13-minute wait time on Haunted Mansion or Tower of Terror, there’s no wait.
Legoland, Universal Studios Florida, and Disney World offer “preferred parking”. It seems like a needless expense, but it depends on how long you stay in the park and how stubborn you are. I like to stay all day at a park because I refuse to waste money on those park tickets. However, I’m too frugal for parking upgrades. I’m remorseful on my way out of the park when I have to walk those extra 5 miles to my vehicle. I’m not a fan of waiting on the parking lot tram and the extra 10 minutes it takes for the “final” boarding call as people climb on top of the tram like it’s an escape from a war zone. The real war zone is free bus transportation.
The park will be closed and you won’t be able to get through the gates, Well you probably could, but you would go to jail. Not Disney jail, but a real jail, where the mice bite. However, if you are on the property then you are safe. Disney Resorts are made to withstand a Category 5 hurricane. They will treat you like royalty and since they are their own municipality, you will have power sooner. However, if they stay open during a hurricane you will have little wait times because people will cancel their vacations.
When it’s hot
You will sweat profusely and you will get dehydrated if you don’t buy the $4 bottles of water. Don’t drink the soda and beer or you will dehydrate faster. And be broker faster
When there are numerous amount of people there
Holidays and weekends are the worst, and holiday weekends are a no-brainer to stay away.
When you just bought new shoes
That is unless you like blisters on your feet. Never take a brand new pair of shoes into the park. Don’t buy a brand new pair of waterproof timberland boots for your July trip. Your boots will be filled with pain and suffering.
When a new ride is open
Well, it might be a good time to visit other areas of the parks except for Guardians of the Galaxy Cosmic Rewind, Tron Lightcycle Run, or Peter Pan’s Flight. Make sure to get a virtual queue
No one really knows the best time to visit
There is no slow season no matter what anyone tells you. If you are going to go, just do it and enjoy your time. Be patient with people because 95% of people are not self aware and will bump into you. If someone says they got on all the rides with no waiting they are lying, and you shouldn’t be friends with liars.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re playing an endless game of human Frogger at Disney World, constantly weaving and dodging to avoid bumping into other guests, you’re not alone. As someone with a larger phsyical presence, I’ve noticed that I seem to be doing most of the “defensive walking” at theme parks – and it’s exhausting.
The constant mental load of spatial awareness, the anxiety of potentially knocking someone over, and the feeling that you’re the only one paying attention to personal space can turn what should be a magical day into a stressful navigation challenge. But here’s what I’ve learned: it doesn’t have to be this way.
The Reality of Crowd Awareness
First, let’s address the elephant in the room (pun intended). Research suggests that only about 20-30% of people maintain high situational awareness in crowded environments. Most guests at theme parks are absorbed in their excitement, conversations, smartphones, or simply the sensory overload of the experience. This means if you’re constantly aware of your surroundings and actively avoiding collisions, you’re actually in the minority – and that’s not a bad thing.
Your spatial awareness isn’t a burden; it’s a skill. But like any skill, it can become overwhelming when you feel like you’re the only one using it.
Strategies That Actually Work
Timing Is Everything
Covid reopening at Hollywood Studios
The single biggest game-changer for reducing crowd anxiety is strategic timing. Early park admission (if you’re staying on Disney property) offers a golden hour of lighter crowds. Weekdays during school sessions and avoiding major holidays can transform your experience from sardine can navigation to comfortable walking.
Use Disney’s mobile app to check real-time crowd levels at different areas of the park. Sometimes, a five-minute walk to a less popular section can give you the breathing room you need.
Walk Like You Belong
Here’s a counterintuitive tip: walk with confidence and purpose, even if you’re not entirely sure where you’re going. People unconsciously move aside for someone who appears to know their destination. Hesitant, apologetic movement actually creates more congestion and awkward dance-around moments.
Choose wider pathways when possible, even if they add a few extra steps to your journey. The Main Street bypass at Magic Kingdom, for example, is often less crowded than the main thoroughfare.
Reframe Your Perspective
Instead of viewing every potential bump as a disaster waiting to happen, remember that minor collisions are incredibly common at theme parks – and most people are understanding about them. You’re not responsible for everyone else’s spatial awareness, and most guests appreciate someone who’s thoughtful about navigation, even if they don’t express it.
Your size doesn’t make you more dangerous; it makes you more visible and, frankly, more considerate of others’ space.
Create Comfort Zones
People mover is a nice spot to take a load off
Theme parks can be overwhelming for anyone, but the constant hypervigilance required for crowd navigation can be particularly draining. Build regular breaks into your day:
Find quiet corners and outdoor seating areas for brief respites
Use mobile ordering to avoid crowded food service lines
Consider midday breaks at your resort if you’re staying on property
Take advantage of less crowded areas like the trails at Fort Wilderness or the gardens at EPCOT
The Mental Game
Perhaps the most important shift is moving from feeling solely responsible for crowd navigation to recognizing it as a shared experience. Yes, you might be more aware than the average guest, but that awareness is valuable – both for your safety and others’.
Instead of anxiety about your size, try reframing it as confidence in your ability to navigate complex social spaces thoughtfully. You’re not taking up too much room; you’re using your space consciously and considerately.
Making Magic Happen
Disney World is designed to be magical for guests of all sizes and abilities. Don’t let crowd anxiety rob you of experiences you’ve paid for and looked forward to. With some strategic planning, confident movement, and a reframed perspective, you can focus less on navigation logistics and more on creating those magical moments.
Remember: you belong in these spaces just as much as anyone else. Your thoughtful approach to crowd navigation isn’t a weakness – it’s a strength that makes the parks safer and more enjoyable for everyone.
The magic isn’t just in the attractions and characters; it’s in the confidence to fully enjoy them without constantly worrying about everyone else’s spatial awareness. You’ve got this.
Have your own tips for navigating crowded Disney theme parks? Share them in the comments below – we’re all in this magical journey together.
Remember when you needed a FastPass for the FastPass kiosk so you can get more FastPasses. That is probably the number one phrase I hear at Disney, “I’m so glad we got a FastPass”. Really? Who doesn’t want a FastPass? Why would anyone say, “I’m so glad I get to wait in this 90-minute line for a 1-minute and 30-second ride. Of course, you can use the app or book ahead of time. However, it’s not beneficial unless you stay at WDW resort and can get the FP+ for the Mine Train at 8 pm because you still don’t have the inside track on bookings. I recently visited the Magic Kingdom and I felt like I needed to get a FastPass for the trash cans, water fountains, toilet, and even to exit the park.
Daily Irritant 
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