Category: Driving

Smart Car Buying: Why Timing Matters

~ SA Otey

If you have a television and watch commercials for car dealers, they tell you right now is the best time to buy with incredible savings. However, if you wait another month you will get the best savings of the year. Then the next month it will be the absolute best time for rock bottom prices that will never happen again in all of eternity. If you keep waiting for the best sale of the year it will never happen and you will keep driving your beater until it falls apart.

Get yourself a used police car with all the fixtures. This will allow you to drive faster than everyone and keep others going the speed limit. You can also pick up some extra cash by pulling people over and taking bribes.

The best time to buy a car is when you need one. If you are paying a monthly repair cost that equals a car payment and are inconvenienced by the constant time of your vehicle being in the shop or left stranded on the side of the road at 18-wheelers whiz by, then it’s time to start looking. There are plenty of websites that will help you negotiate the best deal possible.

Tip, just get yourself a bottle of this and close your eyes while driving so you feel like you have a new car.

There are no men’s restrooms anymore.

~ SA Otey
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Do you go #1 or #2 in this thing?

On our way back from a long trip, we stopped at a gas station to use the toilets. I noticed a line of ladies had formed outside the bathrooms. As I approached the men’s room, a woman walked out and another one entered without hesitation.

Me: “Are we having some gender confusion here, ladies?”

Random Lady: “Women have babies, so we get to use your bathrooms”

I didn’t understand her logic, so I fired backā€¦

Men get kicked in the testicles, so we can use your bathrooms?

Another time I went to a store and had to use the toilet. Surprisingly, there was only a “Family” and a woman’s restroom. My family wasn’t with me, so I had to use the women’s restroom, no other choice.
It’s not the first time I’ve used a woman’s toilet. I was interviewing for a job and was exhausted from the long flight and the uncomfortable hotel bed. After my lunch with the recruiter, I met my sister at Sam’s club to buy some snacks. I stopped off at the bathroom first and wondered why there were no urinals. I picked a stall next to someone who was sitting. I stood up to pee as normal. As I walked out, I did a doubletake as I saw the “Men’s” sign as I exited the women’s restroom. My sister was doubled over in laughter, but I’m sure the lady who was still in the toilet was just as confused as I was.
Now that we are moving to Gender Neutral restrooms in public places, this gives a whole new meaning to the term, “Baby Changing Stations”. I hope people don’t do anything stupid.

How to Frustrate Drivers on a Country Drive

~ SA Otey
you shall not pass the lord of the rings GIF-downsized

When it’s a nice country drive kinda day, why not frustrate other drivers along the way.Ā  For instance, when you’re driving on a single-trackĀ road and a double yellow line appears you should drop your travel velocity 10 mph under the speed limit. Hopefully, the double yellow stripe is long allowing you to build a nice caravan of cars. However, once theĀ line breaks and allows other to pass, give it some gas. This will cause maximum frustration for the drivers behind you. Repeat this process until you are rammed from behind or arrive at your destination.

How to Handle Tailgaters on the Road

~ SA Otey
Don’t repair your front bumper

How do you react when someone speeds up behind you after you’ve safely entered the roadway. They speed up to the point where you can’t see their headlights.Ā  My immediate response to someone riding my bumper is to slow down ten miles per hour from my current speed. I will also make sure that I make a complete stop at every intersection and do a left-right-left check. I might even take my time inside the roundabout. I’m in no hurry.

New car technology is making it more difficult to attempt entry into another motorist’s trunk. The forward collision detection will apply brakes if it senses you are too close. Good thing you can disable it.

Pickup trucks rule the road

~ SA Otey
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Four flat tires?

I don’t remember getting cursed at by other drivers as much when I had my Chevy Silverado. There is an intimidation factor when driving a truck. I guess it depends on the type of truck you own too. You can still yell at people who drive stock Nissan Frontiers or Toyota Tacomas. However, that rule is thrown out the bigger the truck tires are or how high the little truck is jacked up. Also camouflage paint, exposed primer, or dents with rust. Visible and stocked gun racks also negate that rule.

What I don’t miss about the truck is the gas mileage and the tank size on fill-ups. Since I work from home that wouldn’t be such an issue considering my current car requires premium fuel. You can’t beat a truck when you need to haul a bunch of boards or get a yard full of mulch. However, you will be called upon to help someone move because they are too cheap to hire a Uhaul.

How to enter the flow of traffic.

~ SA Otey
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Let’s say you are just getting on the road for a long day of causing traffic problems. Your first entry into the flow of traffic is an important one. As you exit your street, look onto the main road or highway. Notice there is one car with no one behind them. Now is your opportunity to get in front of them. Never mind waiting an extra two seconds for a clear shot behind them. This would have prevented that person from slamming on the brakes and interrupting their texting session. You have to get in front of them! You can’t run the risk of them slowing you down. But now that you have your spot. Slow down, take your time, and have a carefree drive the rest of the way.

How to Drive Mindfully Among Aggressive Drivers

~ SA Otey
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But there’s a ditch there!

It really doesn’t matter how fast you are driving, there will always be someone on your bumper that will be inconvenienced. On the interstate, I’ve learned that if I do move over, the person who was checking my trunk contents will get in front of me and set their cruise control. Which causes me to have to pass them a few miles down the road.

As for this dude pictured above, he just guaranteed himself that I will drive the speed limit and follow every traffic rule. Any maybe I’ll pretend like I’m lost and take a few extra seconds at intersections while checking my iPhone maps.

Crosswalk Etiquette: Tips for Safe Store Access

~ SA Otey

IMG_0929It really should be the right to get out of the way. You have a designated space to cross for store entry and exit, use it wisely.

DON’T!

  • Traverse diagonally
  • Use your stroller as a roadblock to stop cars.
  • Walk out in front of a car or assume no one is coming
  • Leave your toddler in the crosswalk and tell them to hurry up
  • Stop in the crosswalk and check your receipt or look for your car
  • Speed up to make a car stop if they are already in the crosswalk
  • Hit the back of my car with your cane or walker

These are just a few tips. They should make your entry into your favorite store successful. This way, you avoid a trip to the ER.

Avoiding Pedestrian Hazards When Driving

~ SA Otey

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I’m not 100% sure if it’s legal, but I almost always drive behind shopping centers if I need to get to the store at the other end. We have a rather large shopping center with three anchor stores and if you start on one end and attempt to traverse to the other, you can easily add ten minutes to your trip.

Why does it take so long? First of all, you don’t want to run over the many pedestrians who are crossing the storefront diagonally. One of the anchor stores is a Lowe’s so you don’t want to take on a load of boards or concrete on a wheeled cart by a person looking at their smartphone and assuming no one is coming. There is also that other type of pedestrian that is overly cautious and think they are in a live game of Frogger. Just go, you’ve earned your right of way!

The only downside of going behind shopping centers is all the speed bumps, but it’s better than running over people.