Category: Driving

Revising Age Limits: Driving, Voting, and Drinking Explained

~ SA Otey

Currently, we allow driving at 16, voting at 18, and drinking at 21. I propose to move these ages to 18 for driving. We should keep drinking at 21. Additionally, I suggest moving the voting age to 25, and here’s why.

No one in their right mind should let a 16-year-old drive a car. Cars today are too easy to drive. They have too many distractions. People text while driving or eat bowls of fruity pebbles on the way to school. Kids also were driving cars playing Grand Theft Auto and Mario Kart, so they’ve probably picked up a few other bad habits. If they must drive, let it be a vehicle with a manual transmission, roll-down windows, and no air conditioning. I enjoyed driving at 16 but really didn’t know what I was doing. I found myself driving as if there was a cinder block attached to my foot and not looking before I crossed railroad tracks. More on that in a future post.

18 is way too young to vote. Kids barely have the discernment skills and judgment to drive a car, so why let them drive to the polls and elect government officials based on what they’ve learned from The Daily Show, Facebook friends, or liberal college professors? There are no such things as liberal parents, that’s got to be a myth. (see below)

Drinking at 21 should remain the same. People ignore this anyway. There needs to be a 4-year buffer zone between fascination with alcohol and voting rights. How can you trust a person who chooses natural or Bud Light over Guinness?  Sadly, some individuals never graduate from this phase. Either that or they progress to whiskey and don’t care about anything but whiskey.

Voting should be moved up to 25 years old. Society seems to mark this milestone age as where you begin making good decisions. Insurance companies recognize this by dropping your rates. Geez, even the government wants parental insurance coverage until 26 because they don’t think you can find a job and support yourself. By this time, most people have bought a house, tied the knot of matrimony, and started producing children. At this point, most people have achieved personal responsibility. They will want a limited government that doesn’t tell them what to do. They will want a free market to choose the products they desire. They have the liberty to make their own decisions without a government mandate. See, no such thing as a liberal parent! It’s just common sense, that’s all.

How to respond to Traffic Lights

~ SA Otey
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Almost a wreck action shot
  • A white line indicates where you should stop at a red light. That is not for you but for the car behind you. Get your whole car into the intersection!
  • If you’re the first car at a stop light, now is an excellent time to check your smartphone and catch up on text messaging. This will allow you to miss when the light turns green causing the person behind you to beat their steering wheel until their hands are a bloody pulp.
  • If you’re second in line, watch the perpendicular light as it progresses toward its tertiary state. Honk your horn mercilessly in the split second before the light ignites green! If a response is not obtained in no less than a nanosecond, start beating your hands on the wheel until they are a bloody pulp.
  • If you are trying to make a left turn and there is no leading green or flashing yellow, gun it through the intersection before the other driver can move forward.
  • If you are trying to make a left turn and the light is about to turn yellow, your full car needs to be in the intersection! Attempt to clip the oncoming car’s rear bumper as your final act of aggression.
  • If you need to make a right and there is one car in front of you, use the sidewalk or grassy area.
  • If you are arriving at a 4-way stop and another car is approaching, it doesn’t matter where the white line is. It matters who stops first. One car could be at the white line, but if you have about 50 feet before you get to the white line you stop first. Go! It’s your turn!
Juztec Slow Children Playing Sign For Street, Caution Kids At Play Safety Sign, Down crossing traffic signs outdoor

Navigating Traffic: Tips and Tricks

~ SA Otey


Stuck in traffic? Don’t want to wait patiently like everyone else? Make your own lane out of the shoulder of the road. Whenever someone does this, and I’m getting off the next exit legally, I match their speed. This way, they have to stay on the shoulder as long as possible. I figure they wanted to ride on the shoulder. They can kick up rocks for people behind them until they are forced to squeeze back in. If they are turning left off the exit, they should make a right from the shoulder. Then, they can make a U-turn.

The Truth About Car Turn Signals and Safety

~ SA Otey
Blinker Fluid-Hand HELD Version-Hilarious Gag Gift-Stocking Stuffer-Car Prank-8 oz Empty Bottle

Turn signals on motorized vehicles are no longer needed because they have lost effectiveness.

Turning to Side street

Don’t trust their turn signal if you see someone coming while leaving a subdivision. You never know when someone forgot to turn it off or accidentally enabled it. They can’t hear the audible clicking of the signal because they’re blasting their sub-woofers. You have to wait for them to commit to the turn.

Changing Lanes on Interstate

A turn signal on the interstate only serves one purpose. It alerts someone to speed up and block you from changing lanes. The only way to change lanes is to swerve and signal halfway through to avoid a ticket.

Parking

Signaling to park will only invite others to steal the spot from you. Fist-a-cuffs will ensue. Just park far away from the store. Exercise is good for you. Getting your face caved in is not healthy.

Go Old School

Stop bowing to the Gods of Illumination and Electricity and use what God gave you. Use only arm and hand signals.  Makes it easier to extend a kind wave after someone lets you in (or other hand gestures). If you are on a motorcycle, first look over your shoulder with a stern look. Then point to the lane you intend to enter.

Motorcycle Waving: A Secret Society Explained

~ SA Otey
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Flippin’ good time!

I would like to buy a motorcycle one day. One thing that is stopping me is that I don’t want to wave at everyone else riding a motorcycle. I’m just not that friendly. The other thing stopping me is the fear of scraping my face on the pavement. Even if I’m wearing a helmet it would still not be pleasant. There are two memorable moments in my life that keep me on four wheels.

My first major memory comes from living in Hampton Virginia. I heard tell of a story of a person who launched himself and his significant other onto the asphalt close to the beach. I remember visiting them in the hospital. The lady kept assuring me she was feeling great despite having her face covered in dried blood and her appendages encased in plaster. It was probably the little button she was pushing that gave her such high spirits.

The second major memory is when I obtained a Honda Trail Bike at the age of 15. On its maiden voyage, I propelled myself over the handlebars into a creek. Once I landed in the creek I couldn’t feel my legs for about 5 seconds. I walked the bike back home and didn’t ride again.

So why do they wave at each other? I think it’s because they are part of a secret society. To be honest, they should keep both hands on the grips. You know, the whole face pavement scraping thing.

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Guide to Texting and Driving

~ SA Otey
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You can see how many times you almost died

You will have greater awareness and response time for all those other texters who are swerving over the yellow line. Almost everywhere I drive, I have constant panic attacks. I see oncoming traffic jerk the wheel at the last minute. As I pass someone on the interstate you can see them looking down while weaving in and out of lanes. It’s a truly terrifying time to be a driver. 

You have more time to eat

If you are not holding your phone, you can hold a burger or burrito. If you are a two-hand texter and drive with your knees you can eat your salad or chicken tenders with dippin’ sauces. Bonus if you have lane keep assist on your vehicle. No need for knees and two hands off the wheel freeing you up to eat monster burgers from Hardee’s

You won’t die

Probably the best benefit is you will keep living your life and not be dead. There are plenty of other things that can go wrong while driving. Do not add to the deadly mix of your terrible driving skills plus distracting technology.

Helpful tip, if you are traveling and notice someone viewing their smart device, give the horn a toot and get their attention.

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The Risks of Slow Vehicles on Fast Roads

~ SA Otey
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Maybe it’s part of the coastal state of South Carolina’s Department of Motor Vehicles big plan to remove cars from the road. Why would I want to buy a car when I can purchase a moped or golf cart to get from point A to B. I won’t need a license, and never pay a cent of tax? I could also allow my 12-year-old to terrorize the suburbs.

I made the move to pass at my first opportunity. The dude here swerves in front of me and begins zig-zagging like a clown on a tricycle hopped up on PCP. I then revert back to my original lane and he repeats this insanity with more lane swaying. Apparently, I wasn’t supposed to pass HIM. He proceeds to signal left, get off his fart can, and prepare fisticuffs. I start slowing down. My lovely bride screams a reminder. She tells me I have more to lose than a guy more than likely headed back to his trailer. My tax dollars paid for a large alcoholic beverage for him.

I can understand that you need to get places. However, don’t put others’ lives at risk. Allow others to legally pass if your method of transportation can’t exceed 35 on a 55 mph road.

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Your children will never have to drive.

~ SA Otey

In all my years driving an automobile, I’ve seen the steep driving skill decline of my fellow humans. Texting and driving have brought out the worst in drivers. My children will ask from the backseat, “What is wrong with the driver in front of us?”.  My parents used to say, “Well, he’s probably full of alcoholic beverages“, but I tell my kids he’s probably playing Disney Emoji Blitz or Candy Crush.

I’m all for mandatory yearly testing to remove drivers from the road that shouldn’t be allowed to maneuver a heavy metal that can potentially lead to vehicular manslaughter. I welcome our automated driving overlords! It will give me more time to eat, text, TikTok and face booking. I can’t wait until people are augmenting their reality with VR headsets while driving. With all the Ubers, Lyfts, and Murder Taxis, your offspring will never have to slalom between 18-wheelers and monster SUVs. Where’s my Johnny Cab?

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