How to buy snacks at the movies

March 3, 2025March 10, 2025 ~ SA Otey

I wonder if those Pre-purchased snacks are worth the extra coin? Because recently at the movies I was getting a few overpriced snacks to finish during the previews. Because really, who waits on the movie to polish off a tub of popcorn. Anyway, I try to pick the shortest line but it never works out for me. I spotted a line with 4 kids and I assumed they were with an adult. To my delight, I saw that each child had their own ziplock bag of money. What I thought was a one to one parent/child transaction now turned into four minor transactions. At this point, all the other lines had snaked into a j-shape near the ticket booth so there was no turning back now.

Oh, it gets better! None of these kids could do simple addition and subtraction so they didn’t know how much money to give the cashier. Thankfully the cashier was able to compute the calculations without the need of an abbicus. Listen, I’m all for teaching kids that paper and coin money exists to be earned and spent. However, movie theaters won’t pause the movie while kids spend a year’s worth of allowance on costly snacks. Parents, do us all a favor and teach that lesson somewhere else. Kids are useful to haul away the goodies but not to partake in the commerce exchange. Maybe I will try Atom next time.

Why Vinyl Records Are Popular Again

February 6, 2025February 5, 2025 ~ SA Otey

I think it’s hilarious that vinyl has become popular again. For the longest time, it was all the rage and the only thing that existed. Did you ever listen to a 78-speed record at 33 and a third, it was pretty amusing. Cassette tapes made music portable. CDs made it even easier to abuse other’s ears with your terrible music choices via your car loudspeakers. Now that we have music on our phones, you can carry a Bluetooth speaker. You can walk inside every building and play your horrible music on everyone’s eardrums.

I’m sure the people buying turntables and listening to vinyl are the same people who use typewriters at Starbucks. The next logical step is for people to install floppy drives into their computers and trade files via disk. USB is too mainstream.

Unforgettable Odors: The Worst Smells in Life

February 4, 2025 ~ SA Otey

I’ve got a pretty sensitive nose and I’ve always smelled everything since I was a kid. I have no idea why but whenever I pick something up no matter what it is I smell it. The smell is also linked to memory somehow, so I guess that’s why I have a good memory.

Here are a few top choices for worst-smelling things

The back of my ear after I forget to wash there for a few days (take your index finger swab the length of the back of your ear and try it)
A blackhead is growing on your back, and you can’t reach it. You were unaware of it until your wife wanted to dig it out with a pair of tweezers.
A sippy cup of milk that has been under the seat for months until the stink escapes the one-way valve.
I used to own a toy called a Stink Blaster. It was fun to play with at work. I had to keep it in a zip lock bag in the garage.

Probably the worst thing I’ve ever smelled is when I got home from school one day. As soon as I got out of the car, the smell was overwhelming. It hit me like a sack of soiled diapers left out on the beach during the summer months. We finally tracked down the source. Apparently, there was a dead cow on the hillside and it was halfway decomposed and apparently exploded.

Better Titles for Movie Sequels

January 11, 2025 ~ SA Otey

With today’s attention span, Hollywood can’t risk confusing the audience of movie sequels. Some choose not to number their movies, probably because the director knows their fan base is smart enough to distinguish the difference. It’s easy to follow the sequence of “Batman Begins”, “The Dark Knight”, and “The Dark Knight Rises”. However, if you are confused about “Breakin” and “Breakin 2” then you have greater issues to deal with. Consequently, ever since that Breakin’ 2 came out, I attach “Electric Boogaloo” to any movie that has a 2 in the title. Moana 2 “Electric Boogaloo”

Timeless Tunes: Why You Should Keep Singing These Unforgettable Songs After Christmas

January 9, 2025January 8, 2025 ~ SA Otey

Just because Christmas is over doesn’t mean you stop singing these songs.

Winter Wonderland

This song has nothing to do with Christmas. Rather it’s about weather precipitation, the perils of building snowmen, the migration patterns of birds, and making wedding plans.

Jingle Bells

Again, why is this associated with Christmas? This song is about treacherous winter travel and being left for dead after an accident.

Let it Snow

This couple just happens to be caught in a winter storm and the power keeps going out. This song is about someone who has been stuck in the friend zone and keeps waiting for that kiss goodnight but can’t take the hint that’s it’s time to leave. You probably won’t get that kiss because you have popcorn hulls stuck in your teeth.

Baby it’s cold outside

You are probably sick of it by now, but it’s still not a Christmas song. Probably the most disturbing of all the winter melodies. Loved ones are worried, waiting, and suspicious of a person who is keeping someone against their will with the lure of booze and cigarettes? Does this person have an addiction or is it just a case of Stockholm Syndrome?

A Marshmallow World

Here we have a tune about type two diabetes if the world were made of sugary marshmallows. If you listen closely it’s really a song about Groundhog’s Day.

Sleigh Ride

Closely related to Jingle Bells but nothing is Christmassy about this song. Just more of those incessant ringing bells that make your head ring instead. This song seems to fit better as a snow day that cancelled school.