When I notice a cashier ringing up customers and see the register number light is off I don’t get in their line. If they have a closed placard on the conveyor belt this is a sure signal that they are closing down. However, there are people who will put their groceries on the belt anyway. Even go as far as to move the placard. The cashier will say they are closing down the line but the people don’t budge. This is the equivalent of going into a steak restaurant and ordering a well-done rib eye five minutes before closing. It’s rude to enter a place of business so late. Also, who cooks their steak well? Savages that’s who.
Why is movie popcorn so delicious, yet we can never replicate it at home? I’ve gotten pretty close, and here’s my super, not-so-secret recipe.
Start with really good popcorn
I recommend Orville Redenbacher because of the quality control and consistency. Don’t buy store brands because they are all terrible. I may be wrong, but I don’t care. Store in an airtight container in the dark pantry. Use 1/2 cup per pop session.
Use Coconut oil
Pop your kernels in coconut oil, that’s what the theaters use. It has a high smoke point so it can get really hot and explode the kernels much better. Plus it tastes better. Use about 3 tablespoons
Use fine ground salt
Popcorn salt is different, it’s finely ground so that it sticks to all the popcorn’s intricate crevasses.
Top it off with fake butter
Real butter is good, but if you want to get close to the movie theater taste, lube up your bowl with this Buttery flavor Popcorn Topping. It may be unnatural, but we aren’t going for healthful when eating movie theater popcorn. We are going for taste, and this one is pretty close. Try substituting 1 tablespoon of coconut oil with this butter oil.
A Proper Popper
There are several ways to popcorn, but my favorite is the Whirley-Pop. It’s fast and easy to clean up
I used to get kidney stones about once a year, here are some practical tips I’ve learned over the years.
First, it’s better to not get a kidney stone. I’ve learned that I need to drink plenty of water before I spend the next two days outside in the heat and humidity. This was the case for my latest bout with a ureter rock. I also stay away from black tea. While I love a good glass of tea, I’d rather not try to pee a pebble into a strainer for some doctor to analyze.
So, how to deal with the pain? The first thing I do is start chugging water by the liter. This will start to hydrate the kidneys and get them working to flush out the gravel from your pee pipes. Kidney stone pain is one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt so you can try to throw a painkiller at it, but it will be shot blocked like Manute Bol over Muggsy Bogues. (Sadly, Bol died of Kidney failure)
This is not a fun ride down the slip-and-slide to your bladder. The best advice is to mix up equal parts lemon juice and olive oil and drink a shot glass full. Don’t vomit it, otherwise, it won’t work. So try small sips over about 15 minutes or so. It will grease the chute and start breaking down the boulder. Grab a six-pack of Guinness Extra Stout, this has worked wonders for me. The beer will help break down the stone and ease the passing, plus the alcohol will help ease some of the pain. Once the Plinko chip scrapes and rattles its way to your bladder the pain will subside, but if you are a male, then the fun isn’t quite over yet. Get more Guinness!
Had to get morphine for red pee pee
However, if the pain makes you want to pass out, throw up, and/or urinate blood, then get to the emergency room. You might be dealing with a stone that even an angel can’t roll away. BTW, this too shall pass is not in the bible. Good luck!
Sometimes the memory of your favorite foods is far better than the food itself. Once you’ve lived in different parts of the country and experienced different flavors and styles of cooking, your old favorites become the second-string runner-up. So if you have a favorite restaurant in a town you no longer live in, stay away. Keep that memory and don’t ruin it by eating there ever again.
Yes! Eggs are good for you, yolk and all. But of course, people are taking it too far. Everything has an egg on it. Watch any episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and you will see any number of dishes with an egg in there somewhere. Do you know what goes well with eggs? Bacon, that’s it!
How do I cook my eggs? Glad you asked.
Fried
Fry a few strips of bacon over medium heat, remove bacon, leave grease, turn off the heat let cool down for a minute or so. Add 2 eggs, and use either kosher salt, black, and cayenne pepper (Or Tony Chachere Seasoning). Once the egg white is not clear, gently flip it over, turn off the heat, and cook for another 2 minutes, this won’t overcook and still give you a nice warm runny yolk. I usually forget about them and the yolk gets solid.
Scrambled
Whisk 3 eggs with a dash of heavy cream in a large cup, and add to a low-heat skillet with melted clarified butter or bacon fat. Move around the pan and make your chunks big or small, just don’t let them stick. Or don’t move it at all and have an omelet.
Boiled
Put a dozen eggs in a pot in one layer, add 1/4 tsp baking soda, and cover with 2 inches of tap water. Bring to a rolling boil and cook for about 2 minutes. Cover and remove from heat and let stand for 12 minutes. Drain off hot water and fill the pot with cold tap water. Let stand for 5 minutes. Crack each end of the egg, they should be super easy to peel. Cut in half and add a dash of the previously mentioned seasonings.
Poached, no thanks, if I wanted to eat snot I would expose myself to one of the 100 things I’m allergic to and let the mucus fountain flow.
There are some foods that you can never eat again after you puke them up. Even foods that you once called favorites. However, this is my favorite salsa and you can buy it at Costco. It’s so good that I will keep eating it even though I puked it up once.
One evening after work I was trying a bunch of free samples at Costco and went home to eat a hefty taco salad covered with this salsa. Well, the taco meat and the crab cakes I sampled didn’t get along too well so they decided to abandon ship. The salsa made it look like I was vomiting blood. But let me tell you this salsa is so good that it tasted just as good on the way up as it did on the way down. Give it a try!
I see more and more people walking around with what appears to be cups of cream with a straw to siphon out the contents. I hope there is at least a shot of coffee or espresso in there. People really like coffee-flavored cream more than anything. This is evident because we have Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup coffee creamer. We have pumpkin spice in the fall, peppermint near Christmas, and then what? Do the flavors just disappear? I suggest we add a few fore flavors for spring and summer. Like tree pollen and suntan lotion respectively.
Just drink black coffee! Maybe add a bit of sweetener to cut the bitterness of improper roast and brewing. I’ll pass on what my college professor told me about how to drink black coffee. Start with a cup of cream and add a teaspoon of coffee. Gradually reduce the cream and increase the teaspoons of coffee until it’s blacker than a black hole’s a$$h0le.
Tired of forking over 50 cents for a tiny plastic tub of garlic sauce for your pizza? Well let me tell you, it’s quite easy to make and tastes way better than Papa Johns, Pizza Hut or Little Caesars. Plus if you look at the label on those sauces there are quite quite a few chemicals that you are ingesting. Aren’t we all trying to eat better? Here’s what you do
1/4 Stick of real Irish butter milked from Gaelic bovines
1 tsp of Garlic Powder
1 tsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 tsp of Salt
You can add more salt and garlic if you like it saltier or garlicky. Or you can get yourself a garlic salt grinder, go crazy! Place in a microwave-safe container, cover with a paper towel and nuke for 20-30 seconds. Cover with a paper towel in case it all gets explody in the microwave. Your pizza and heart will thank you.
Since we’ve been shopping at Aldi we’ve saved a bunch of money. Here are a few things to take note of while shopping at Aldi.
Bring a Quarter
Even out the cart corral, don’t pull from the short stack. You should always keep a quarter in your car, or bolt cutters. Sometimes Aldi will have two sets of carts, but one corral is empty. I feel bad for the person who has to sacrifice their quarter to start the link chain. If someone gives you a cart, pay it forward to someone else. Once you get your buggy, don’t start going through your purse or wallet. Get out of the way. Go inside.
The Entry
Don’t linger near the front door in amazement at all the food stuffs. Some Aldi’s place all the junk food near the front. I wish they would move the junk to another aisle. The entry is clogged with people. They are deciding on how to ruin their innards. At least they don’t use corn syrup or synthetic colors now (some items).
Brand loyalty
This is not a place to shop if you are brand loyal. Almost all their foods are copycats and they taste just as good. Everything except the “Ranch” tortilla chips. You just can’t beat Cool Ranch Doritos. I think it’s because Frito Lay still uses red dye 40.
The Meats
The pork loin and ribeye steaks are tasty and a very good deal. The carne picada is the absolute worst. They also have some very good unprocessed lunch meats for sandwiches. BTW, isn’t a pig unprocessed lunch meat? Too bad they don’t have wild pigs roaming the store.
The Produce
This is the only thing I don’t like about Aldi, everything seems like it’s on verge of rotting. You have to eat it quick or it will spoil. I’ve heard they are fixing that though. We will see.
BYOB
Be prepared to bag your own groceries at that long counter near the exit. Try to fit all your groceries into one bag and walk through the parking lot like someone in the Arnold Strongman Classic. You can buy a bag from Aldi or bring a trash bag. When you unload them at the house, put the trash bag in the receptacle. After you have used the groceries, put the trash back in the bag you bought them in. The circle is now complete.
Be helpful
Offer to take shoppers’ carts back for them. You can determine someone’s greed by how upset they get on losing a quarter. Hopefully, you can time it just right. You can exchange a cart for a quarter in the parking lot. This way, you don’t have to walk back to the storefront.
Hope this helps…
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