Category: Food and Beverage

The Stress of Coca-Cola Freestyle: Too Many Options?

~ SA Otey
IMG_0065

I like the idea of the Coca-Cola Freestyle and I love the options, however it’s not worth the anxiety attack. Once you get to the front of the line you are inundated with a plethora of beverage configurations. As you are mashing buttons a line begins forming with anxious patrons with lids half cocked waiting to fill their containers with carbonated corn syrup with artificial flavoring and food coloring.

I’m all for consumer options but this machine basically causes a traffic jam. I’ve even seen these in airports, a place where there is enough traffic. I’m a bit disappointed that there’s no button for an extra shot of caffeine, which would turbo charge any beverage selection. This would also be a great product placement for a Xanax button for a shot of relaxation. This would ease the anxiety about the five people in line waiting to stab you in the orbital socket with a bendy straw.

JUST PICK ONE!

While great in theory the execution can be painful. If you have these in your restaurant then have a minimum of two machines. People have enough trouble retrieving sporks and straws and now you present them with thousands of flavor combinations?

Think about what flavor you want beforehand.  There is nothing more frustrating that watching someone hunt and peck for Orange Flavored Sunkist when it’s not even a Coke product. Have an additional dispenser for just ice and water, this will speed up the queue and reduce the glacier of ice that has formed because of trigger happy customers. I would also be nice if these machines could detect the type of drinking vessel so that you don’t cascade the soda over the cup onto your hand. Or maybe just have one size for this machine and tune it for proper filling.

SodaStream – ART Sparkling Water Maker | STARTER KIT

How Red Beans and Rice Changed My Marriage

~ SA Otey
tonyc
Yellow cloud?

When I was first married, I thought it would be nice to slowly introduce the spouse to some food I enjoyed while living in the Deep South. One night I prepared Red Beans and Rice with cornbread. I went all out and bought two boxes of Tony Chachere’s from the local Food Lion. Well after a few bites in she decided it was too spicy, and plus I forgot about her terrible acid reflux.

So what now? I had a huge pot of red beans and rice. I didn’t want all that Cajun goodness to go to waste. Well, I suffered through and consumed red beans and rice for every meal for the next few days until it was gone. Let me tell you, rehydrated red beans are probably the gassiest. At first, I thought all the farting was hilarious! But after a full day of constant farts every 5 to 10 minutes and gut-wrenching gas that felt like someone was using an air compressor to inflate my large intestine, my pucker muscle was fatigued. I just wanted it to stop and so did my wife.

I was starting to leave permanent odors on my office chair from trying to hold them in. I didn’t want to kill any office plants or cause workman’s comp cases for my co-workers. Some lessons you learn the hard way.

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How much should you tip a waiter?

~ SA Otey

I’ve changed my strategy over the years, but I do not subscribe to automatic tipping. 20% is the max and it goes down from there.

10% Deductions

  • If the waiter attempts to show off and not write your order down and either get
    the order is wrong or has to come back to verify the order.
  • If your food has hair(s) in it, deduct an extra dollar for coarse curly hair(s)
  • If the silverware is not clean
  • Your salads arrive a minute after your appetizer
  • Then your meals arrive a minute later.
  • Another dollar if you still have no silverware.
  • If you touch any of us.

2% Deductions

  • If the waiter gets your drink order wrong
  • If the waiter brings your change in a bunch of small bills without you asking
  • The waiter asks if you want change, no matter the bill denomination
  • You have to ask for your change
  • If your change is greater than you should get. (a bit presumptuous are we?)
  • If your waiter comes back twice within a minute asking if you are ready to order.
  • Your table has leftovers from the last meal encrusted on the table.
  • When you order water and they never refill it. (I’m cheap, but I’m still thirsty)

1%

  • For each minute your drink is empty
  • If the waiter asks _how you guys doing_ when you have your mouth full.
  • Ask if we “saved room” for dessert after we requested for a takeout box.
  • If the color of the ink for signing the bill is other than blue or black
  • You ask for Malt Vinegar and you get Red Wine Vinegar.

100% (yes, I will ask you for money or a free meal)

  • Spill something on me or my family.
  • Drop food while carrying it to the table and put it back on the plate.
  • Sneeze on the food in front of us.
  • Use a smart a$$ response while we order.
  • Curse and Complain about the restaurant or your boss within earshot of my kids.

Extra Credit

  • Smile
  • The waiter doesn’t write down the order and gets it correct in every way
  • Recommend something that you’ve actually eaten there.
  • Act like you enjoy your job
  • Remember our names

I know being a waiter is a tough job. I’m guessing because I dislike tough jobs, so I’ve never been a waiter. You have to put up with jerks and picky eaters and people who don’t tip well regardless of great service. Don’t work there just because it pays well, do something you enjoy. If you hate being a waiter, go find something else to do so that you don’t ruin the restaurant’s reputation.  The customer isn’t always right, I know that firsthand. Customers are stupid and unreasonable and sometimes need a free side order of batter-fried crumbs with their long john silvers fish planks. Is that so much to ask?

What kind of things cause you to reconsider your tips?

Creating a Sustainable Lifestyle with Diet Changes

~ SA Otey

What is the best diet? The one you can make into a lifestyle. Low fat, high carb, keto, whole food paleo using the 80/20 principle?

Is it this?

Dear Nutrisystem,

I know you want to promote your product, but fat-shaming men is not ideal. Don’t assume all men sit on the couch watching football and eating pie. Also, men can cook so stop with the gender stereotypes. I tried Nutrisystem for a month once and while I did lose weight as advertised it’s not a sustainable lifestyle. There are much better ways to shed pounds than eating packaged food. The key is creating a lifestyle with micro resolutions, not a short-term fix.

The Slow carb diet, if followed, can be sustained for an extended period. Just be careful that your cheat days don’t turn into cheat weekends, weeks, months, then years. Slow-carb diet pretty much saved my life.

Slow Carb Diet

I will never eat this cereal again.

~ SA Otey
IMG_3254

There is no doubt my favorite cereal is Kashi Go-Lean Crunch. The cereal serves dual purposes. One it tastes delicious and two it produces so much gas that it keeps everyone away from me. I can time it like clockwork. I eat a huge bowl first thing in the morning and by high noon, there is a showdown at the colon corral. I’m expelling flatus every two minutes, and it continues into the night.

Once I was going to play golf and wanted to load up on ammo for the course. My wife knew what I was up to and hid the box from me. I had to pick up some Bojangles Cajun Filet biscuits instead.

However, the sad news is I physically can’t consume it any longer. The problem is the gas production. I eat a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch for breakfast and by the afternoon my body is producing so much natural gas I could heat a small village. It’s funny at first with all the farting, but after a few hours, you get exhausted. So long Kashi Go Lean Crunch our relationship has run out of gas.

 

https://amzn.to/4j5Fvyx

Happy National Double Cheeseburger Day!

~ SA Otey
Specialty burger from The Pharmacy in Nashville, TN

While there are more national days than ever before, a double cheeseburger day is one that I can support. Double cheeseburgers are everywhere but so few can do them right. It’s not simply a matter of throwing double beef on the bun because you still need quality over quantity. The benefit of double cheeseburgers is the layering. It allows you to slip extra pieces of cheese and bacon in between the patties. It’s better than having one huge meat puck and cream toppings upon. So it’s important to have slender meat patties on which to build upon your masterpiece. Here is my go-to recipe…

  • The Meat – 100% Grass-fed beef/chuck 85/15, not too lean, not too fatty, seasoned only with Salt and Pepper or with Montreal Steak Seasoning
  • The Cheese – Extra Sharp Cheddar, no question
  • The Bacon – Uncured Hickory Smoked Bacon, cooked in the oven.
  • The Sauce – I’ve been enjoying the Heinz Kansas City BBQ Sauce
  • The Bun Brioche buns because they aren’t as thick and taste a bit like cake. Toasted just before the build
  • Don’t waste any time on vegetables they only cause instability and slippage.

Pair this with a fresh batch of deep-fried tater tots and you have a meal I could eat every day for the rest of my life. No matter how much it shortens it.

What’s wrong with stevia?

~ SA Otey

Artificial-2
If I can remember, I try to bring my own Stevia squirt bottle or packets with me for my coffee. Since I don’t carry a purse it’s more difficult. One of my friends suggested that I carry a bugout bag just in case the feces hits the fan, but I’m not there yet. I still have hope for our country.

If I’m desperate, I will use a packet of pink because it seems to have the least adverse effects on me. Blue gives me leg cramps and yellow is just a terrible aftertaste. I’ve switched to green (Stevia) because it’s natural and I now prefer it over sugar. I don’t even like sugar anymore. I can’t stand to drink a pre-sweetened drink with sugar because it feels like I’m drinking syrup. Don’t get me started on high fructose cough syrup

Hopefully, my kids will live in a low-calorie soft drink world where everything is sweetened with stevia. At least it will cover up the taste of the polluted water.

Dueling Dual Drive-Thrus

~ SA Otey
You chose the wrong line!

I’m not sure when it began, but dual Drive-Thrus is almost a deal breaker when choosing a fast food establishment. Chick-fil-A is the only successful one to date because they are a well-oil machine that does almost everything right. McDonald’s has to be the worst and here’s why.

Today I was picking up some breakfast sandwiches and chose the shorter of two lines (9:01am). That’s always a mistake because the longer line will zip through cars as the two vehicles in front of you will order one of every menu item. Once you get to the merge lane other cars think that if they jump in front of you they will get their food faster. Nope, it just causes confusion at the window. Case in point, the window person had to ask what I ordered. I just gave her the total she quoted me. I paid, then moved on to the next window (9:10am).

As I watched the digital clock display tick away minutes, I couldn’t help but think I could’ve baked biscuits, fried bacon, and cooked some eggs in this amount of time. By the time I got my order (9:29am), it was almost lunchtime. Yeah, about 30 minutes in a McDonald’s drive-thru. My kids said the food was hot and tasty, but then I explained what a queuing oven was.