Category: Shopping

How to Improve Supermarket Express Lanes: 5 Key Suggestions

~ SA Otey

Supermarkets have hit a log jam when it comes to express lanes. They seem like a good idea but they are fatally flawed because they only have one rule: Item Limits (which are always violated). Here are a few new rules that supermarkets should adopt to increase the performance of Express Lane.

High-Performance Cashiers and Baggers

Cashiers that are knowledgeable of what they’re doing go a long way. Would it hurt a cashier to smile and at least pretend to enjoy employment?. Express lane workers should be like the Navy Seals of cashiers. It’s frustrating when a volunteer senior citizen works the express lane and considers bar codes “the mark of the beast” and laser scanners “apocalyptic weaponry”. Baggers need to know that bread, Clorox, and ground beef shouldn’t co-mingle in a bag.

Accept only Debit Cards

Nothing is more frustrating than seeing someone whip out a checkbook to pay for five items. Cash is clumsy and no one can do simple math anymore. No gift cards either, 100% of the time there isn’t enough money to foot the bill, so that causes longer waits for your decision to write a check, pay with cash, or find your debit/credit card. Even credit cards take too long because people forget their own names and how to sign them.

Surcharge for going over the limit.

There should be a 50% surcharge for each over-the-limit item and increases incrementally for each item you go over. This will stop people with 100 items from getting in the 20 items or less line when their grocery bill goes all Fibonacci on them.

No Impulse Items

Remove all the candy and magazines so that people will pay attention when the grocery belt is open for them to place their items. Who cares what celebrity is overweight or having an out-of-wedlock baby with an alien.

No Cigarette Purchases

No lung candy since we are not allowing any other candy purchases in this line. Nothing is worse than someone finishing up their two-item purchase and then remembering they need a soft pack of reds. The cashier takes minutes opening the case and bringing back the hard pack which causes great anger in the customer. This cigarette volley goes on as you watch customers in other lanes with full carts leaving the store.

No “Valued Customer” card signup

If you already possess this card and have it ready then you are free to use it. However, don’t query the cashier entering five phone numbers because you forgot your card.

Walmart’s Shopping Cart Strategy Exposed

~ SA Otey
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Bandaid with a hair

I think Walmart is the only company that doesn’t maintain its shopping carts. They’ve devised a trick. This trick encourages you to endure the punishment of wobbly wheels for the shopping duration. The trick is they cover the solarium with a bunch of uneven stone tiles. You won’t notice the wheels are busted until you’ve been distracted by a Walmart elder and the lure of cheap candy, bananas, and detergent before hitting the smooth surfaces. They figure that you’ve traveled all this distance from the corral and you won’t walk back to get another. You might risk offending the elder and get scolded: “Well, back in my day, we had to strap saddle bags on a mule when we wanted Doritos from the five and dime, I think that buggy will do you just fine sonny boy”.

Sometimes you get lucky and there aren’t many buggies in the corral at Walmart.  This gives you a bit of a smooth surface to do a little test run to see if all the wheels are straight. I’m sure Wal Mart will catch on to this, and extend the rough tiles into the buggy corral. It’s really only a matter of time before Walmart becomes just a rough uneven terrain of shopping on dirt floors. Then you won’t notice there are no wheels on the buggy at all.

Why Watches Are Back in Style: A Modern Perspective

~ SA Otey
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Watches are quite annoying and I was hoping they would eventually go away. I think it’s hilarious that marketing has tricked people into wearing watches again. For me, the smartphone did away with the need for a watch. I grew up wearing Ironman triathlons. The rubbery plastic band would begin to reek of rancid cheese after any pre-pubescent physical activity. The watch would also pull the hairs out of your arms if had one of those metal Cylon accordion bands.

But here we are in a smartphone era and watches are still selling. Why are watches so popular now? Because they’re stuffing smartphones into watches. Brilliant! The only watch I currently own is a SkyCaddy Watch. It tells me how far into the woods I am. It also tells me it’s time to give up looking for it.

Enjoy your favorite bread from this toaster!

Aldi Shopping Hacks: Save More on Groceries

~ SA Otey
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Don’t pull from the short stack, even it out!

Since we’ve been shopping at Aldi we’ve saved a bunch of money. Here are a few things to take note of while shopping at Aldi.

Bring a Quarter

Even out the cart corral, don’t pull from the short stack. You should always keep a quarter in your car, or bolt cutters. Sometimes Aldi will have two sets of carts, but one corral is empty. I feel bad for the person who has to sacrifice their quarter to start the link chain. If someone gives you a cart, pay it forward to someone else. Once you get your buggy, don’t start going through your purse or wallet. Get out of the way. Go inside.

The Entry

Don’t linger near the front door in amazement at all the food stuffs. Some Aldi’s place all the junk food near the front.  I wish they would move the junk to another aisle. The entry is clogged with people. They are deciding on how to ruin their innards. At least they don’t use corn syrup or synthetic colors now (some items).

Brand loyalty

This is not a place to shop if you are brand loyal. Almost all their foods are copycats and they taste just as good. Everything except the “Ranch” tortilla chips. You just can’t beat Cool Ranch Doritos. I think it’s because Frito Lay still uses red dye 40.

The Meats

The pork loin and ribeye steaks are tasty and a very good deal. The carne picada is the absolute worst. They also have some very good unprocessed lunch meats for sandwiches. BTW, isn’t a pig unprocessed lunch meat? Too bad they don’t have wild pigs roaming the store.

The Produce

This is the only thing I don’t like about Aldi, everything seems like it’s on verge of rotting. You have to eat it quick or it will spoil. I’ve heard they are fixing that though. We will see.

BYOB

Be prepared to bag your own groceries at that long counter near the exit. Try to fit all your groceries into one bag and walk through the parking lot like someone in the Arnold Strongman Classic. You can buy a bag from Aldi or bring a trash bag. When you unload them at the house, put the trash bag in the receptacle. After you have used the groceries, put the trash back in the bag you bought them in. The circle is now complete.

Be helpful

Offer to take shoppers’ carts back for them. You can determine someone’s greed by how upset they get on losing a quarter. Hopefully, you can time it just right. You can exchange a cart for a quarter in the parking lot. This way, you don’t have to walk back to the storefront.

Hope this helps…

Folding Shopping Cart, 200 lbs Capacity Grocery Cart on Wheels Foldable, Multi-Functional Dolly Cart Collapsible Cart, Platform Hand Truck with Foot Brake, Utility Cart with Storage Crate

“Customer” Customer Service is superior

~ SA Otey

I now understand why people wear pajamas and house shoes while shopping at Walmart. However, If you really want to draw attention to yourself, wear a red shirt with tan pants to Target. If you are caught in this situation, you have two options. You can tell them you don’t work there. Alternatively, you can try to help them out anyway, such as…

  • Direct them to isles that don’t exist
  • Recommend certain “personal” items, and explain your use as we speak.
  • Lead them around the store, searching for items that don’t belong, like looking for grape nuts in the camping section
  • Recommend the wrong TV shows for kids, like getting Dexter confused with Dexter’s Laboratory
  • Rummage through their cart and say things like, “Wow, I thought this was recalled”
  • Offer unwarranted advice like: “Seems like you should be looking for the prescription strength deodorant or some age-defying make-up”
  • Offer to check in the back stockroom, and never return.
  • Say that you’re a manager and don’t “stoop” to the customer level.

The same could be said for a blue shirt and tan pants to Best Buy. If you are a tech guy, you will probably help them more than the people who actually work there. Knowing anything about electronics gives you an advantage.

Retail Customer Frustrations: A Ticket to Understanding

~ SA Otey
Take a Number!: A Tiny Ticket Dispenser

The customer is ultimately the one who gives you money, but that shouldn’t make them right. Customers should implore some common sense before they go asking inane questions to store associates.

The full quote is often considered to be “The customer is always right, in matters of taste,” which means that even if a customer’s preference might seem wrong, a business should still cater to it as it’s a matter of personal taste; this phrase is most commonly attributed to Harry Gordon Selfridge, a retail magnate. 

I worked in retail for a few years at Office Depot and it was quite frustrating to deal with some people. Most of the time people would come in asking for ink refills or typewriter ribbons. I would ask what model they own and they couldn’t remember nor would they bring the empty with them. They bought it at Office Depot, so I guess that was enough.

Of course on the other end of the spectrum, if you work at a place you should know your store and what you stock. There have been times when I’ve asked someone at Best Buy where a certain item is located. They are quick to reply they don’t carry the item and go about killing time until their break or shift ends. I always make it a point to find the item, locate the said employee and show them the item they don’t carry. Then proceed to order it from amazon from my smartphone.

Recommended website. Not Always Right

Why Some Customers Leave One-Star Reviews

~ SA Otey
oneStar

This is where product review gold is found. You will find the most minuscule complaints about how a product didn’t meet expectations. Complaints like, the golf GPS not lowering your score because you are not able to hit your pitching wedge 170 yards like Dustin Johnson.

My favorite so far is reading a Yelp one-star restaurant review. The restaurant wasn’t known for making wraps. In fact, they didn’t have wraps on their menu. The lady asked them to make her a wrap and she had to explain what a wrap was. So when the wrap didn’t come back as she liked she complained and gave a 1-star review of the whole place.

I understand one-star reviews for terrible products, but bringing your subjectivity into the complaint is another thing. I tend to either leave five or one-star reviews. There is no middle ground for me. All it takes is one small experience and I will never go back.

Laughing Smith – Wet Farts – Potent Stink Spray – Extra Strong Stink

https://amzn.to/40wbrUp

Can I get the door for you?

~ SA Otey


But don’t be surprised if a woman yells at you for being a sexist. “What? A woman can’t open a door herself?” I saw a young man open the door for his girlfriend as she was driving his truck. Maybe it was her truck. Regardless it was an ugly truck. I’m confused…

When I do open doors for people it’s not only for women. I do it out of curiosity. Well, not really, doors are heavy, I do it because you look weak. My favorite is when you open a door for someone. They continue to ignore the fact that you did something nice for them. They either act like you are supposed to or they don’t bother looking up from their digital distraction. If they don’t look up it’s probably a good idea to shut the door so they can walk into it.

Why did ToysR US go out of business?

~ SA Otey
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Mostly because of this: Can you buy online and pickup in store? The short answer is no.

Once upon a time, I tried to stop by Toys R Us and pick up something for my child. Picked up the box, walked to the front registers, and the insanity began.

  • Me: “I saw this at ToyRus.com for 10 dollars less, can I get that price?”
  • Them: “No, we don’t price match”
  • Me: “You don’t price match yourself”
  • Them: “No sir”
  • Me: “Ok, let me use my iPhone to order it online and pick up in-store, You know how ridiculous this is right?”
  • Them: “I don’t make the policy”
  • Me: “Should I carry this over to Customer Service, because that’s where I’ll need to pick it up.”
  • Them: “I’ll carry it for you” (I enter my info, pick my store, and guess what, it’s out of stock!)
  • Me: “I’m holding the product, yet it’s out of stock at your store.”
  • Them: “Yes sir, when it’s the last one, it’s out of stock”
  • Me: “You know how ridiculous this is right”.
  • Them: “I don’t make the policy”
  • Me: “So I can’t buy this for the online price, even though it’s in stock here.”
  • Them: “I don’t make the policy”
  • Me: “Well, I guess you will lose $40 instead of only $10, I’ll just pay $1 more from Amazon.com”
  • Them: “I don’t make the policy”

I would like to know who failed Marketing and Economics and made these policies.

eBay Auction Tactics: Sniper vs. Max Bid

~ SA Otey

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There are two styles of eBayers. One will snipe an auction at the last minute (eBay Sniper Street Fighters) and the other will set a price limit.  My strategy is simple. I find an item that I want and I place a maximum bid of what I’m willing to pay. If I get outbid, so be it.

This all stems from a video game auction I went to where I set my max bid of $150 for a Street Fighter II Hyper Fighting machine. The final bid was $160. Kinda make me sick, but at the same time, it would have been difficult to bring home and move into 5 more homes that I would eventually live in.