Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
I don’t even know what playtime is. Does that mean you play with toys? Does that mean you play with video games? Does that mean you play a sport? I find very little time to play in the constant balance of work and family, but I know that I should play more as a part of a self-care routine. 
Nobody remembers your birthday. Maybe your immediate family, and sometimes that even gets speed bumps and potholes on memory lane. So when you see someone on Facebook saying “Thanks for all the birthday wishes”, it’s not because they have a plethora of friends with fantastic memories; it’s because of automation.
I typically try to hide the fact that it’s my birthday. When I was on Facebook, I blocked people from posting on my page. I also hid my birthdate in my settings. It’s mostly so I can see who really remembers. One year, I thought I had it disabled the setting, because I got a few messages from people whom I would expect. But then the birthday well-wishes started flooding in.
Facebook is perfect for remembering people’s birthdays and guilt-tripping you the next day for forgetting to wish someone a happy birthday. But let’s not forget that the main purpose of Facebook is to engage in religious and political rants, so you have no friends left to wish you a happy birthday.
How to:
Find your birth date and click the lock.
Enjoy your loneliness!
When someone invites you to an event, there shouldn’t be an option for maybe. Treat all maybes as a no. If they show up without confirmation, make it difficult for them to find a seat or gain access to food. If they complain simply say, “I saved all the prime positions and delectable foods for people who told me yes”. The maybe is only there so that if something better comes up they can leave their options open. Eventually, the person will wonder why they don’t get invited to things anymore.
It’s only a matter of time before holiday parties are here. It’s time to start learning how to behave at social gatherings. One of the most important and annoying things for other guests are inside jokes. They don’t have to be complicated, here’s how to get started.
Get to the party early
You need to establish an inside joke quickly before the other guests arrive, even if it’s five minutes before. Make a joke about opening jars of French onion dip. Then that night whenever your host says something about France, Onions, or Dip, bellow with laughter and nudge the host. If everyone is looking at you with complete dumbfoundedness, simply say. “Oh, you had to be there.”
Keep referring to the inside joke
Even if people don’t care, keep bringing up the same joke and laugh even though it’s not that funny anymore. Make it awkward for everyone else so they feel totally excluded and like they don’t have any friends in the room. Don’t forget to put on your best smug face as you work the room.
Don’t ever explain the inside joke
It ceases to become an inside joke if you tell someone else. This nugget of knowledge is just for you and your host. The other guests don’t deserve an explanation. They will never have the bond that you and your best friend host have. Take this joke to your deathbed and rattle it off one last time before you pass on to the afterlife. It’s good to be there!
Friendship Day is another greeting card invented event where you are supposed to enjoy your relationships with others. I say it’s a good time to clean house on your Facebook lists.
Chances are if someone has 3000+ friends they won’t notice you’ve unfriended them until they see you pop up on the “Find New Friends” or “People you may know” feature. Hopefully, Facebook has it in their algorithms that you don’t surface again.
Have fun, enjoy, and tell a “friend”!
There is something wrong with “my” Generation X. They don’t know how to say no. They really don’t know how to say yes either. Not sure what happened, but there is this overwhelming sense of not disappointing someone. I have no trouble saying no, in fact, it’s an automatic response for me. Mostly because I don’t want to do anything for anyone
Non-reply is the new NO. If you send a message to someone who always checks their messages and you don’t get a reply even though it shows they read the message then you can treat that as a NO.
However, I’d rather someone just tell me no rather than say: “Let me get back to you”, or “Let me think about it.” I tend to treat that as a no and do not ask again. Whatever it is. My generation also suffers from “Let me see if something better comes along before I commit to anything.” It probably comes from the whole “Just Say No” campaign back in the 1980s because that didn’t work either.
I’ve never understood why people hold hands. I see many couples holding hands in public places. It’s a signal that the person is saying, “Hey, look at me, I’ve got another human as my companion, aren’t you jealous?” I also think these people are insecure, and they need to hold that person’s hand because they are low in self-confidence or just prideful and showing off that someone likes them enough to latch on. However, my children hold my hand while walking across the interstate. So there’s that.
What are we supposed to do now that the majority of the developed world now has access to clean water and clean air because of fossil fuels? Fossil fuels are cheap, plentiful and because of technology, we’ve made them cleaner than ever. Still, people are freaking out about climate change aka “Global Warming”. Here’s what to do.
Stop using your AC/Heat
Want to stop using fossil fuels? Then don’t heat or cool your house. Each year the planet gets hotter because people are using air conditioning or heating their house because they get cold.
Stop showering
Your sweat will be your shower from not using your HVAC system. Since we have greater access to clean and drinkable water because of fossil fuels, we should now use less.
Stop flushing your toilet
Let it flush automatically buy the natural volume of your excrement. Again forget clean water, treat your house like a porta potty.
Don’t buy groceries
No groceries equals no trash and no landfills, grow all your own food, but only vegetables.
Ride your bike everywhere
Including your trek across America with your family of four. Remember having more than two children effects climate change.
It seems to me that Hollywood wants to turn all of their viewers into a third world country because of climate change. Remember, movies became popular because they were the first to get air conditioning. Maybe if we stop cooling our theaters then our celebrity elite will wake up.
Instead of looking at your smartphone while waiting for a table at a restaurant, simply stare at the wall in front of you. People will eventually look there too. Well, not really, they are too busy interacting with other people via their smart devices because people have forgotten how to talk to other humans.
Riding on the elevator? Turn to the rear and stare at the wall. When you exit, walk backward.
While using the urinal, stare at the wall, seriously, this is no time for wandering eyeballs. In a doctor’s office? Stare at the wall, don’t answer any of their questions, and you will probably get a free ride to a nice padded room. Then you can stare at the wall all you want. Dreams come true!
Daily Irritant 
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