I once stayed at the Swan and Dolphin Resort inside Walt Disney World during a company retreat. It’s a really nice hotel and something I wouldn’t choose to stay at normally. The cafes and restaurants are out of this world expensive so I can see why someone would want to float the bill to another guest. I had a large purchase on my room ticket and it turned out to be $28 worth of food at the Java bar. I at first thought it was an in-room charge for using the Starbucks coffee pods.
When I checked in, their credit card machine was down. So they used one of those carbon-copy machines to do an imprint. I’m shocked those things still exist. I assumed someone found my card and went caffeine crazy. To my dismay, all someone had to do was write down a room number to charge it. You should have to at least verify the name or show some I.D. This hotel went retro with the credit and mistakes were made. The good thing is they gave me my money back, but the guy in accounting didn’t act like he believed me. I said I have a digital trail that shows I was in Hollywood Studios during the time of purchase. But their tone from him was “Yeah, sure”. Oh well, at least someone got free coffee overpriced coffee.
Can you guess which ride? No, it’s not the auto-flush toilet. Even those have a wait time. On a side note, you should probably add Genie Plus Lightning Lane to the toilet bowl near Pecos Bill’s after you eat two pounds of beef nachos. It’s tough to find zero wait times, but it’s possible. Just a tip, if you ever see a 13-minute wait time on Haunted Mansion or Tower of Terror, there’s no wait.
Sun visors are basically useless. They used to be great for storing CDs in one of those billfold contraptions. They contain a mirror so you can check your hair, teeth, and eyeballs while you are driving before you wreck and scatter them all over the road. They are useless for blocking the sun’s rays into your eye sockets. Cars used to have extenders that would allow extra coverage. However, the sun will find a way to fit between your visor and mirror. It’s even better if the sun flickers because of the tree line, causing a massive headache, nausea, and motion sickness. Time to invent a transition-tinted windshield.
Tuckvisor Blackout Sun Visor Sunshade Extender for Car Window Windshield Sun Shade Anti-Glare Car Sun Visor Protects from Sun Glare, Snow Blindness, UV Rays…
Legoland, Universal Studios Florida, and Disney World offer “preferred parking”. It seems like a needless expense, but it depends on how long you stay in the park and how stubborn you are. I like to stay all day at a park because I refuse to waste money on those park tickets. However, I’m too frugal for parking upgrades. I’m remorseful on my way out of the park when I have to walk those extra 5 miles to my vehicle. I’m not a fan of waiting on the parking lot tram and the extra 10 minutes it takes for the “final” boarding call as people climb on top of the tram like it’s an escape from a war zone. The real war zone is free bus transportation.
I’ve never stayed at an Airbnb aka “Murder Bed and Breakfast”, and hope never to. I’ve compiled a list of everything you need to do to be a terrible host and make sure no one comes back.
Don’t be Home / Don’t Answer the Door
If you are expecting company, simply don’t be there to greet them. This will cause an unsettling feeling in your guests that they’re at the wrong house or have the dates mixed up. You can also invite them to stay and not tell them you are inviting others, and work out a deal with your neighbor so they can sleep there.
Don’t clean your house
Dirt piles in corners, dust bunnies hovering, and diarrhea backsplash in the toilet are just a few things that show you don’t care about yourself or your guests. Broken fixtures in the guest bathroom will also build a growing angst in your guests. If you have pets make sure that when they take a dump or pee on the floor you ignore it. Be sure to store all of your dirty clothes in the guest bathroom too. Dirty dishes piled up that are attracting subterranean creatures will discourage the use of the kitchen.
Don’t have any food
Especially food your guest might like. Don’t plan ahead and stockpile the fridge with their favorites. Turn your place into a bed and make your own breakfast. Keep old cereal and just enough milk to cover the bottom of the bowl. Hide your good coffee and only offer Keurig.
Hide and Go Seek
Make it hard to find towels and washcloths. Keep the good towels in your bathroom so that your half-naked guest has to rummage around your hallway linen closet and dry off with discolored hand towels. Keep the toilet paper anywhere but in the guest bathroom so that you cause the current hand towel to become discolored.
Stay up Late
Long after your guests have turned in, keep up your loud antics of yelling at sporting events. Random bursts of laughter from the poker or board game will surely inspire insomnia for the next few hours.
Sleep in
There is nothing quite as awkward as waking up in someone else’s home while they’re still sleeping. It’s like you’ve broken into their home and you’re trying not to startle them from sleep. They might forget you’ve spent the night, which leads to you being on the receiving end of a buckshot breakfast.
Conclusion
Hopefully, your guests didn’t pack their bags and sneak out of your house in the middle of the night because they didn’t get a good shower or a hearty meal and are covered in bugs, cat urine, and dog poop.
Whenever I’m on the road and see a travel center, they seem to tout the cleanliness of their restrooms. You will see a glowing red sign which reads “Clean Restrooms”. As it turns out, it’s actually a notification that the restrooms are in need of attention. It seems like everyone is following the same rules when using a public restroom.
If there is no toilet paper use the paper towels, use extra as to clog the toilet.
Don’t pick up any paper products from the floor, even if you dropped them. Gross
Never flush the toilet, even if you have to pile on. Who knows how many people touched that handle before you. This will encourage the owners to upgrade to autoflush. What are we living in, medieval times?
Don’t lift the seat, even with your shoes. If you have to B-1 Bomb it, make sure you lay a few paper towels in the water as a landing pad.
Don’t bother washing your hands, the door handle will just defile them
It’s not your job to wipe down the sink, what are doing near the sink anyway?
If you must wash your hands and they don’t have a Dyson Airblade, now is a good time to practice free throws into rubbish receptacles. Don’t forget rule #2.
One day, I hope to live in a world where everything is automated.
The park will be closed and you won’t be able to get through the gates, Well you probably could, but you would go to jail. Not Disney jail, but a real jail, where the mice bite. However, if you are on the property then you are safe. Disney Resorts are made to withstand a Category 5 hurricane. They will treat you like royalty and since they are their own municipality, you will have power sooner. However, if they stay open during a hurricane you will have little wait times because people will cancel their vacations.
When it’s hot
You will sweat profusely and you will get dehydrated if you don’t buy the $4 bottles of water. Don’t drink the soda and beer or you will dehydrate faster. And be broker faster
When there are numerous amount of people there
Holidays and weekends are the worst, and holiday weekends are a no-brainer to stay away.
When you just bought new shoes
That is unless you like blisters on your feet. Never take a brand new pair of shoes into the park. Don’t buy a brand new pair of waterproof timberland boots for your July trip. Your boots will be filled with pain and suffering.
When a new ride is open
Well, it might be a good time to visit other areas of the parks except for Guardians of the Galaxy Cosmic Rewind, Tron Lightcycle Run, or Peter Pan’s Flight. Make sure to get a virtual queue
No one really knows the best time to visit
There is no slow season no matter what anyone tells you. If you are going to go, just do it and enjoy your time. Be patient with people because 95% of people are not self aware and will bump into you. If someone says they got on all the rides with no waiting they are lying, and you shouldn’t be friends with liars.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re playing an endless game of human Frogger at Disney World, constantly weaving and dodging to avoid bumping into other guests, you’re not alone. As someone with a larger phsyical presence, I’ve noticed that I seem to be doing most of the “defensive walking” at theme parks – and it’s exhausting.
The constant mental load of spatial awareness, the anxiety of potentially knocking someone over, and the feeling that you’re the only one paying attention to personal space can turn what should be a magical day into a stressful navigation challenge. But here’s what I’ve learned: it doesn’t have to be this way.
The Reality of Crowd Awareness
First, let’s address the elephant in the room (pun intended). Research suggests that only about 20-30% of people maintain high situational awareness in crowded environments. Most guests at theme parks are absorbed in their excitement, conversations, smartphones, or simply the sensory overload of the experience. This means if you’re constantly aware of your surroundings and actively avoiding collisions, you’re actually in the minority – and that’s not a bad thing.
Your spatial awareness isn’t a burden; it’s a skill. But like any skill, it can become overwhelming when you feel like you’re the only one using it.
Strategies That Actually Work
Timing Is Everything
Covid reopening at Hollywood Studios
The single biggest game-changer for reducing crowd anxiety is strategic timing. Early park admission (if you’re staying on Disney property) offers a golden hour of lighter crowds. Weekdays during school sessions and avoiding major holidays can transform your experience from sardine can navigation to comfortable walking.
Use Disney’s mobile app to check real-time crowd levels at different areas of the park. Sometimes, a five-minute walk to a less popular section can give you the breathing room you need.
Walk Like You Belong
Here’s a counterintuitive tip: walk with confidence and purpose, even if you’re not entirely sure where you’re going. People unconsciously move aside for someone who appears to know their destination. Hesitant, apologetic movement actually creates more congestion and awkward dance-around moments.
Choose wider pathways when possible, even if they add a few extra steps to your journey. The Main Street bypass at Magic Kingdom, for example, is often less crowded than the main thoroughfare.
Reframe Your Perspective
Instead of viewing every potential bump as a disaster waiting to happen, remember that minor collisions are incredibly common at theme parks – and most people are understanding about them. You’re not responsible for everyone else’s spatial awareness, and most guests appreciate someone who’s thoughtful about navigation, even if they don’t express it.
Your size doesn’t make you more dangerous; it makes you more visible and, frankly, more considerate of others’ space.
Create Comfort Zones
People mover is a nice spot to take a load off
Theme parks can be overwhelming for anyone, but the constant hypervigilance required for crowd navigation can be particularly draining. Build regular breaks into your day:
Find quiet corners and outdoor seating areas for brief respites
Use mobile ordering to avoid crowded food service lines
Consider midday breaks at your resort if you’re staying on property
Take advantage of less crowded areas like the trails at Fort Wilderness or the gardens at EPCOT
The Mental Game
Perhaps the most important shift is moving from feeling solely responsible for crowd navigation to recognizing it as a shared experience. Yes, you might be more aware than the average guest, but that awareness is valuable – both for your safety and others’.
Instead of anxiety about your size, try reframing it as confidence in your ability to navigate complex social spaces thoughtfully. You’re not taking up too much room; you’re using your space consciously and considerately.
Making Magic Happen
Disney World is designed to be magical for guests of all sizes and abilities. Don’t let crowd anxiety rob you of experiences you’ve paid for and looked forward to. With some strategic planning, confident movement, and a reframed perspective, you can focus less on navigation logistics and more on creating those magical moments.
Remember: you belong in these spaces just as much as anyone else. Your thoughtful approach to crowd navigation isn’t a weakness – it’s a strength that makes the parks safer and more enjoyable for everyone.
The magic isn’t just in the attractions and characters; it’s in the confidence to fully enjoy them without constantly worrying about everyone else’s spatial awareness. You’ve got this.
Have your own tips for navigating crowded Disney theme parks? Share them in the comments below – we’re all in this magical journey together.
People have been confused for decades about the real meaning of the crosswalk signals. The red hand doesn’t mean stop, it’s waving at you, telling you it’s safe to cross! The other signal is a chalk outline of a dead guy informing that you will perish if you try to cross.
I’ve always heard those crosswalk buttons don’t have anything to do with the traffic signals. Crosswalk buttons are installed because pushing a button will give a sense of control before you’re flattened by a city bus you didn’t see because you were too busy checking your Twitter. There have been several occasions where people crossed in front of my car and told me to stop with their raised hands. I had no idea they had the right of way to cross a busy intersection while I had a green light. I finally get it, I’ve had these crosswalk signals mixed up all along!
If you visit a big metropolitan area you know it’s safe to cross when the city folk begin entering the intersection before the signal changes. Trust them.
Unless you like throwing away money, you can stay at a similar hotel in Arlington Virginia for a fraction of the cost. I recommend the Homewood Suites near the Rosslyn Metro station. They have a free shuttle to Rosslyn Metro which will connect you to the Orange, Blue, and Silver lines.
Use the Metro Rail
If you love driving around and seeing endless brake lights, then by all means, hop in your automobile. Overcome your fear of confined underground metal bacteria tubes and use the Metro Rail. I’d suggest starting at $20 per rider and refilling it as needed. You can get to all the major sights by using this transportation method if you don’t mind a little walking to and from the Metro stations.
Contact your Senator
If you plan ahead you can contact your state Senator and book a White House, Capital, and Library of Congress Tour. The Capital tour was my favorite because it was a small group and our guide was very knowledgeable. We also got to ride the underground people mover from the Senator’s office to the Capital Building. Plus we got to go in rooms not available to the general public.
Pack Light (most of the time)
For Government buildings, you will be restricted to small purses or handbags. Don’t bring a backpack with everyone’s lunch or water bottles. If you take a capital tour with your Senator’s office, you can leave your backpack in the air-conditioned office and pick it up when you are done. You can take pictures and they will let you know with vigor when you can’t. A small point-and-shoot camera or your smartphone is fine. Do not attempt to bring your SLR with a 600mm lens.
Bring a reusable water bottle and snacks
For times you can bring a larger bag (museum days), and fill a reusable water bottle with ice from your hotel. Most places have those filtered reusable water stations that remind you haven’t killed any sea turtles today. There aren’t many options to eat at the National Mall, so pack a few snacks so that you don’t have any hangry meltdowns.
Minimize your walking
Don’t try to do the National Mall in one day. Going from the Capital Building to the Lincoln Memorial is quite a haul. We did it, it is possible, but I regret it. Try to plan your museum visits based on your metro stops.
Use the DC Circular
To help minimize your walking there is a large red bus that will stop at all major spots in and around the National Mall. It’s only $1 for as long as you ride. Some drivers will let your kids on for free. Good for getting from one end of the National Mall to the other.
Daily Irritant 
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