I’m saving you a seat at church!

January 8, 2025 ~ SA Otey

I can understand if you are saving a seat for your spouse, or visiting family members. Other than that, are we still in elementary school? It’s like saying, I really don’t want to get to know anyone new. I have my friends and I want to keep it that way. What’s worse is when someone else asks the same question as you are walking away and they say, “No, go ahead and sit down”. Ouch! I really don’t know what else to say, except, I’ll save you a seat in heaven if I see you there.

Keep in mind there are those types of people at every church, but don’t let that distract you from the content of the preaching, style of worship, how others are dressed and how many sermons in a row are on tithing.

For all those churches with the wooden pews

How to Winter: Get through the SAD

January 7, 2025January 7, 2025 ~ SA Otey

Just get over it! I wish it were that simple. Every January I get super bummed out. We usually take a vacation before Christmas, setting the dopamine production into high gear. Once boxing day hits it’s a full crash of Blah. You take down the holiday decorations and return to your normal work life.

I didn’t think that Seasonal affective Disorder was a real thing, but once you hear it described so many times it almost becomes psychosomatic. They say that exercise is the best anti-depressant. However, if you are walking or running and trip over a curb and shatter your femur then things can get really depressing and fast. You will more than likely be prescribed addictive pain medication. That will then lead to constipation. So now you can’t exercise or poop.

You can’t be depressed without knowing joy and vice-versa. But if you get stuck on either end of the spectrum, something is wrong. So what do you do? Life has highs and lows, but sometimes you need help to get out of the lows. Sometimes it takes prescription medication to get you out of your depression, but don’t let it become a crutch. Antidepressants are like a cast for a broken arm. Take the meds and talk to a professional about your problems. At some point, you can take the “cast” off. Or you can simply snap out of it or get over it like everyone suggests.

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Why did ToysR US go out of business?

January 6, 2025January 6, 2025 ~ SA Otey

Mostly because of this: Can you buy online and pickup in store? The short answer is no.

Once upon a time, I tried to stop by Toys R Us and pick up something for my child. Picked up the box, walked to the front registers, and the insanity began.

Me: “I saw this at ToyRus.com for 10 dollars less, can I get that price?”
Them: “No, we don’t price match”
Me: “You don’t price match yourself”
Them: “No sir”
Me: “Ok, let me use my iPhone to order it online and pick up in-store, You know how ridiculous this is right?”
Them: “I don’t make the policy”
Me: “Should I carry this over to Customer Service, because that’s where I’ll need to pick it up.”
Them: “I’ll carry it for you” (I enter my info, pick my store, and guess what, it’s out of stock!)
Me: “I’m holding the product, yet it’s out of stock at your store.”
Them: “Yes sir, when it’s the last one, it’s out of stock”
Me: “You know how ridiculous this is right”.
Them: “I don’t make the policy”
Me: “So I can’t buy this for the online price, even though it’s in stock here.”
Them: “I don’t make the policy”
Me: “Well, I guess you will lose $40 instead of only $10, I’ll just pay $1 more from Amazon.com”
Them: “I don’t make the policy”

I would like to know who failed Marketing and Economics and made these policies.

I will never eat this cereal again.

January 5, 2025January 6, 2025 ~ SA Otey

There is no doubt my favorite cereal is Kashi Go-Lean Crunch. The cereal serves dual purposes. One it tastes delicious and two it produces so much gas that it keeps everyone away from me. I can time it like clockwork. I eat a huge bowl first thing in the morning and by high noon, there is a showdown at the colon corral. I’m expelling flatus every two minutes, and it continues into the night.

Once I was going to play golf and wanted to load up on ammo for the course. My wife knew what I was up to and hid the box from me. I had to pick up some Bojangles Cajun Filet biscuits instead.

However, the sad news is I physically can’t consume it any longer. The problem is the gas production. I eat a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch for breakfast and by the afternoon my body is producing so much natural gas I could heat a small village. It’s funny at first with all the farting, but after a few hours, you get exhausted. So long Kashi Go Lean Crunch our relationship has run out of gas.

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eBay Auction Tactics: Sniper vs. Max Bid

January 4, 2025January 2, 2025 ~ SA Otey

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There are two styles of eBayers. One will snipe an auction at the last minute (eBay Sniper Street Fighters) and the other will set a price limit. My strategy is simple. I find an item that I want and I place a maximum bid of what I’m willing to pay. If I get outbid, so be it.

This all stems from a video game auction I went to where I set my max bid of $150 for a Street Fighter II Hyper Fighting machine. The final bid was $160. Kinda make me sick, but at the same time, it would have been difficult to bring home and move into 5 more homes that I would eventually live in.

Your children will never have to drive.

January 3, 2025January 2, 2025 ~ SA Otey

In all my years driving an automobile, I’ve seen the steep driving skill decline of my fellow humans. Texting and driving have brought out the worst in drivers. My children will ask from the backseat, “What is wrong with the driver in front of us?”. My parents used to say, “Well, he’s probably full of alcoholic beverages“, but I tell my kids he’s probably playing Disney Emoji Blitz or Candy Crush.

I’m all for mandatory yearly testing to remove drivers from the road that shouldn’t be allowed to maneuver a heavy metal that can potentially lead to vehicular manslaughter. I welcome our automated driving overlords! It will give me more time to eat, text, TikTok and face booking. I can’t wait until people are augmenting their reality with VR headsets while driving. With all the Ubers, Lyfts, and Murder Taxis, your offspring will never have to slalom between 18-wheelers and monster SUVs. Where’s my Johnny Cab?

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Do you still weigh yourself?

January 3, 2025January 1, 2025 ~ SA Otey

Don’t ever weigh yourself on January 2nd. To quote Yoda, “Only pain you will find”. Weight is a terrible measurement of health. What I mean is, don’t let the scale dictate how you should feel about yourself. You should go about how your clothes fit. If you want to get technical then go by body fat percentage. Buy yourself some fancy fat pinchers if you must know the details. Don’t go by BMI because you can be obese even if you are an elite athlete bodybuilding freak of nature.

I started a new way of eating a few years ago and I lost weight quickly at first but then the next year I lost no weight at all. Once you get comfortable with your clothes, you should shop for some new ones and donate the old ones. If you buy quality threads you can also sell them on eBay.

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How to lose friends and disengage people

January 2, 2025January 2, 2025 ~ SA Otey

Loan them money

A Wise person once told me that if you loan someone money, don’t expect a payback. I’ll go as far as to say you’ll never see that person again. Sometimes it’s a good trade-off if the person is really annoying and causes you anxiety. That’s the best money you’ll ever spend.

Change your religion

The more extreme the switch, the quicker you will lose people. No, atheism is not the opposite of Christianity. Atheism is giving up a higher consciousness and culture and relying on scientists. Scientists change their opinions on new information and course correct when the data leads down the wrong paths. It’s basically making yourself a God. Satanism is the opposite of Christianity. Choose wisely.

Change your politics

Centrists have lots of friends, the far left and far right do not so much. You would be surprised how much far left and far right have in common so pick something mid-spectrum on the opposite side.

Don’t show empathy

When someone asks how you’re doing just tell them fine and be done with it. Don’t tell them any of your problems. They can’t handle it and will distance themselves from you until you figure out the solution on your own.

Don’t text, post, email, call

Just stop communicating. Let the other person make all the attempts to get in contact with you. Make your responses shorter and shorter until they get to “Haha” and “Yep“. Eventually, they will give up because you do not reciprocate. Sometimes it takes people a long time to get the hint.

New Year, New You? Again?

January 1, 2025December 31, 2024 ~ SA Otey

Will you succeed at your New Year’s resolutions? Probably not, if you set your goals too high. I’ve started making small changes in everything I do. Small goals, small victories. Small goals take the stress out of accomplishing that goal. If you want to lose 100 pounds, try losing 10 first. If you’re going to fix your road rage problem, try only punching the steering wheel a few times a day rather than several. You can’t just quit that behavior overnight. Changing your habits will lead to lasting results.

Of course, if you don’t set any goals it will be hard to let yourself down. Most people will give up around February, they may even make it until March. The micro resolution will provide much more satisfaction and get you where you need to be, slower, but steady.

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