Can you guess which ride? No, it’s not the auto-flush toilet. Even those have a wait time. On a side note, you should probably add Genie Plus Lightning Lane to the toilet bowl near Pecos Bill’s after you eat two pounds of beef nachos. It’s tough to find zero wait times, but it’s possible. Just a tip, if you ever see a 13-minute wait time on Haunted Mansion or Tower of Terror, there’s no wait.
Nobody remembers your birthday. Maybe your immediate family, and sometimes that even gets speed bumps and potholes on memory lane. So when you see someone on Facebook saying “Thanks for all the birthday wishes”, it’s not because they have a plethora of friends with fantastic memories; it’s because of automation.
I typically try to hide the fact that it’s my birthday. When I was on Facebook, I blocked people from posting on my page. I also hid my birthdate in my settings. It’s mostly so I can see who really remembers. One year, I thought I had it disabled the setting, because I got a few messages from people whom I would expect. But then the birthday well-wishes started flooding in.
Facebook is perfect for remembering people’s birthdays and guilt-tripping you the next day for forgetting to wish someone a happy birthday. But let’s not forget that the main purpose of Facebook is to engage in religious and political rants, so you have no friends left to wish you a happy birthday.
How to:
Find your birth date and click the lock.
Enjoy your loneliness!
Do you ask for no ice, extra ice, or light ice? If you don’t ask you will get a drinking vessel filled with ice and about one gulp of fluid ounces. I ask for no ice because fountain drinks are usually cold and I like full-throttle carbonation for maximum belching power.
Don’t you love it when someone asks, “Hey, quick question for you”. Yes, the question is always quick, but the answer and the amount of work involved are always exponentially longer. After a few quick questions, you find yourself digging a hole with a backhoe, but filling it back in with a teaspoon.
Sun visors are basically useless. They used to be great for storing CDs in one of those billfold contraptions. They contain a mirror so you can check your hair, teeth, and eyeballs while you are driving before you wreck and scatter them all over the road. They are useless for blocking the sun’s rays into your eye sockets. Cars used to have extenders that would allow extra coverage. However, the sun will find a way to fit between your visor and mirror. It’s even better if the sun flickers because of the tree line, causing a massive headache, nausea, and motion sickness. Time to invent a transition-tinted windshield.
In the past, when you heard of people living in mobile homes, you’d think they had the freedom to move where and whenever they wanted. Not true, the person was stationary, even to the point of installing brick as as trailer skirt.
Today, people are living in real mobile homes and sheds on wheels. It’s the cool thing to do, not because lack of cash, but choosing a minimal lifestyle. I’m not sure what is driving the craze of living small. Is it because their parents paid for it? Is it because they didn’t want to go to college and want to live on a small salary? Or is it ego fueled and counter cultural? You know, like having a bunch of dogs instead of children, covering your body with tattoos and piercings while living in a shed and pooping in a bucket. Didn’t the uni-bomber do that? Kids theses days…
It doesn’t have to be difficult. Well, it can be if you decide to scratch make your own biscuits from flour you’ve harvested and milk you’ve pulled from the cow. You can also raise your own pigs and grow your own herbs, invest in a meat grinder and create your own sausage. That’s pretty much how the description goes for any Food Network show that creates this dish. Not worth the effort. Here’s a quick fix.
Legoland, Universal Studios Florida, and Disney World offer “preferred parking”. It seems like a needless expense, but it depends on how long you stay in the park and how stubborn you are. I like to stay all day at a park because I refuse to waste money on those park tickets. However, I’m too frugal for parking upgrades. I’m remorseful on my way out of the park when I have to walk those extra 5 miles to my vehicle. I’m not a fan of waiting on the parking lot tram and the extra 10 minutes it takes for the “final” boarding call as people climb on top of the tram like it’s an escape from a war zone. The real war zone is free bus transportation.
Backing into a spot won’t help if someone double parks in front of you. Is there enough space to get out? Well, it depends on how much damage you are willing to allow to your vehicle. Don’t attempt to block in a car that is older with dings, dents, and missing fenders. They don’t care about getting out unscathed.
I’m not talking from a religious but a practical perspective. Here are a few reasons to skip it.
Buying a costume
Kids get clothes for their birthdays and Christmas. Why buy them an outfit for a single day that will rip within a week after? If you must have a costume, make one out of clothes you don’t like and can go as an “ungrateful person who has too many clothes”
Buying candy
Candy is overpriced from September 1st to October 31st. However, if you want a good deal on candy, wait until November 1st and stock up. Who cares if there are pumpkin-shaped Reeses’ in your Christmas candy dish.
Having too much candy
There is too much candy in the house and it’s everywhere. It ruins your ketosis and sometimes your relationships if strategically shared.
Neighborhood gorefest
People living near you will display haunting displays of violence and paganism. You have to drive past it every time you leave to volunteer at the senior community.
Daily Irritant 
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