Tag: burgers

The Irritants Guide to 4th of July

~ SA Otey
  • Remind people that the birth of America is really July 2nd.
  • Buy fireworks 5 days in advance and buy enough to last until July 9th.
  • Begin your explosives demonstration on June 30th.
  • Drink lots of beer
  • Eat many forms of meat
  • Lose an appendage because you are too filled with meat to move away from the lit fireworks and too drunk to know that you are bleeding.
  • Put up a PTSD sign in your yard so that you can ruin the fun for your neighbors who bought a week’s supply of fireworks.
  • Also remind people that it wasn’t legit until Aug 2nd, thus extending your firework shooting period.

But seriously, if you have a problem with July 4th, just hole up in your house shut all the curtains and sit in a dark room watching movies with noise-canceling headphones like I do. Happy Holidays!

Fireworks are nice, but not after 11pm, most people are attempting to sleep after their ears have been damaged by decibels of destructive detonations. Fireworks are fantastic at first, but there’s always somebody who bought enough to obliterate a small island.

I understand the Fourth of July and New Year’s, but I think people love the excuse to play demolition expert and terrorize cul-de-sacs and side streets. Here are a few fireworks tips to help you maximize this special day.

  • Wait until it gets dark
  • Put them away at 11pm

Happy Independence Day!

Happy National Double Cheeseburger Day!

~ SA Otey
Specialty burger from The Pharmacy in Nashville, TN

While there are more national days than ever before, a double cheeseburger day is one that I can support. Double cheeseburgers are everywhere but so few can do them right. It’s not simply a matter of throwing double beef on the bun because you still need quality over quantity. The benefit of double cheeseburgers is the layering. It allows you to slip extra pieces of cheese and bacon in between the patties. It’s better than having one huge meat puck and cream toppings upon. So it’s important to have slender meat patties on which to build upon your masterpiece. Here is my go-to recipe…

  • The Meat – 100% Grass-fed beef/chuck 85/15, not too lean, not too fatty, seasoned only with Salt and Pepper or with Montreal Steak Seasoning
  • The Cheese – Extra Sharp Cheddar, no question
  • The Bacon – Uncured Hickory Smoked Bacon, cooked in the oven.
  • The Sauce – I’ve been enjoying the Heinz Kansas City BBQ Sauce
  • The Bun Brioche buns because they aren’t as thick and taste a bit like cake. Toasted just before the build
  • Don’t waste any time on vegetables they only cause instability and slippage.

Pair this with a fresh batch of deep-fried tater tots and you have a meal I could eat every day for the rest of my life. No matter how much it shortens it.