Tag: Driving

Top 5 Driving Distractions

~ SA Otey

Texting

I’m sure in the “good ole days” people use to read the newspaper during their daily commute. Before the cell phone in the 80s, people had to string two dixie cups between their automobiles to better communicate with their fellow man. Texting has made everyone look like a drunk driver swerving all over the road. I can’t wait until VR devices are augmenting reality while driving.

Eating

What’s better than waking up on time and sitting down to breakfast with your family? Well, the answer is balancing a bowl of cereal in your lap while trying to navigate 3 lanes of traffic because you missed your exit that you take every day.

Beating your children

If you don’t have one of those fancy DVD players integrated into your vehicle, then your kids are going to be wild. Make sure you have something that will reach, you gotta keep at least one hand on the wheel

Vanity

You can’t check your mirrors enough! Point it towards you so you can’t see the 18 wheeler bearing down on you because you want to make sure your eyebrows are even. Impossible.

Advertising / Traffic Messages

Remember texting and driving? Well, billboards that flash, blink, and require reading are just a bad. How is this any different? They will gladly tell you how people have died while texting and driving as you read the stats and tumble end over end into a ditch.

Navigating Bathroom Breaks During Long Drives

~ SA Otey
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It never fails, you’ve been on the road for hours upon hours. You’ve tried to hold your urine as long as possible because you want to make it home without using another filthy gas station toilet. Last twenty minutes or so before you reach your destination, a car darts out in front of you. There was clearly no one behind them for 30 miles, but they felt this was the best chance they had to enter the roadway. This causes your brake pads to become one with the rotors as it sends your leftover Popeye’s chicken crumbs flying on the dashboard.

They are in no hurry either! They cautiously slow down at every side street just in case there is someone dumb enough to pull out in front of them. By now you can feel the bladder distension and infection forming from all the Pilot Coffee that’s been brewing in there all day. You then realize this person in front of you lives just down the street and you’ll be following them all the way to your house. Don’t hold it too long or you may get a kidney stone. Time to look for one of those empty coffee cups.

Your children will never have to drive.

~ SA Otey

In all my years driving an automobile, I’ve seen the steep driving skill decline of my fellow humans. Texting and driving have brought out the worst in drivers. My children will ask from the backseat, “What is wrong with the driver in front of us?”.  My parents used to say, “Well, he’s probably full of alcoholic beverages“, but I tell my kids he’s probably playing Disney Emoji Blitz or Candy Crush.

I’m all for mandatory yearly testing to remove drivers from the road that shouldn’t be allowed to maneuver a heavy metal that can potentially lead to vehicular manslaughter. I welcome our automated driving overlords! It will give me more time to eat, text, TikTok and face booking. I can’t wait until people are augmenting their reality with VR headsets while driving. With all the Ubers, Lyfts, and Murder Taxis, your offspring will never have to slalom between 18-wheelers and monster SUVs. Where’s my Johnny Cab?

Busy Driver on Amazon