Remember when you needed a FastPass for the FastPass kiosk so you can get more FastPasses. That is probably the number one phrase I hear at Disney, “I’m so glad we got a FastPass”. Really? Who doesn’t want a FastPass? Why would anyone say, “I’m so glad I get to wait in this 90-minute line for a 1-minute and 30-second ride. Of course, you can use the app or book ahead of time. However, it’s not beneficial unless you stay at WDW resort and can get the FP+ for the Mine Train at 8 pm because you still don’t have the inside track on bookings. I recently visited the Magic Kingdom and I felt like I needed to get a FastPass for the trash cans, water fountains, toilet, and even to exit the park.
Genie Plus was far from perfect, but you really need maximum Disney enjoyment to become super rich and take one of those guided tours where they shuffle you in and out of rides and give you all access to the underbelly of Disney. It might be easier to fake a horrible disease, but I’m sure Disney will vet you thoroughly via DNA scans, and you can get your super cool Fastpass.
Find a good hiding spot to get away from the crowds
Well, the title can be misleading, as a recovering introvert, you will be exposed to more people than you will ever experience in your entire existence. You will have to set aside your need for quiet, conformity, and perfectionism. This will be messy, but here are my best tips.
I don’t care how much it costs, don’t be a cheap wad. Staying on property is worth every penny. You get a fantastic themed room, great bus service, and free parking if you get tired of someone’s butt in your face after you’ve raced to get a seat on the transport. I recommend booking a Skyliner resort as well. Just don’t stay until the park closes, otherwise, you will be waiting in one of those cattle corrals for over an hour.
Take a small bag, but only one.
Dads, haul the bag through security and let your family browse the overpriced items near the entrance. It’s a bad idea to have everyone bring a bag. Your wife will thank you for leaving her purse in the car. I use a small sling pack that can hold tons of stuff. What to put in the bag? Keep reading. You don’t need much.
Bring a refillable water bottle.
Preferably one that is vacuum sealed so it keeps ice all day. Most places will give you ice and you can fill up your bottle at any number of water fountains.
Bring sunscreen
Just a small refillable applicator and face stick. You will get burned in more than one way
Camera with zoom.
Preferably an SLR with longer optical zoom. It’s a little extra weight, but worth the pain because of the quality of the photos. The photographers there will even use your fancy pants camera because they appreciate your effort. Plus you can get photo tips from them as well. Just don’t take that big camera every day, just on those days when you plan out your iconic photos. If you can get a deal on the Disney photo pass, DO IT, I regret not just forking over the dough and getting all those great shots.
Enjoy the park food
Pack only a few snacks for when you or your family gets hangry. Beef Jerky, Slim Jims, Nuts, Granola bars something with protein, stuff that won’t melt. Enjoy the food in the park as much as you can. Again don’t be cheap, eat and enjoy the park food. Book a nice sit-down restaurant too.
Lightening Lanes
No brainer, get it for later in the day and head for the rides you want first as soon as the ropes drop. For instance, hit the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train or Tron first (Magic Kingdom) and then use your lightening lane later. Or just visit all the other rides while people pile on the most popular ones. You can book your LLs 7 days before your trip. You’ve already spent so much money what’s a few dollars more?
Stay at least 3 days
Spend at least an entire day at each park, but 3 will do. Most people skimp on the Animal Kingdom, but there is plenty to do. It’s not all about thrill rides. Thrill your brain and learn some stuff. Also, try to visit during Christmas time, the Magic Kingdom is way better when all the sights, sounds, and music of Christmas are up and running.
Get the park hopper option
We go to the Magic Kingdom every evening after we’ve exhausted our time at other parks. There is nothing quite like the Magic Kingdom at night.
Take care of your feet!
I can’t stress this enough, you will be walking miles per day. My personal best is 14 miles in a single day. Wear proper fitting and breathable shoes. Wear anti-friction socks and let them air out when you get back to the hotel. I managed to remain blister-free on my last two trips. Leave the flip-flop and slides at the hotel for the pool.
Also, don’t ride the haunted mansion first if you have small children.
There is no need for a Lighting Lane if you want to watch some concrete set at the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World. I’ll come back in seven years to check on it. Not everything has a Lighting Lane at Walt Disney World, but some spots should. Here are a few ideas.
Bathrooms – Sometimes the sphincter muscles will not hold diarrhea at the doorstep. Some people would gladly exchange their Seven Dwarfs Mine Train pass for a luxury stall with Cottonelle wipes. Yes, your magic band would unlock the stall door.
Monorail – After a long day, nothing is more discouraging than waiting in a long cattle corral to board a bacteria tube filled with an unknown virus variant. Of course, if you have a motorized cart, you get an automatic Lighting Lane, but you don’t want to fake a disability.
Trams
After priority deboarding of the ferryboat or monorail, you should be able to choose your lightning lane for an express tram to the parking lot.
Quick Service Restaurants
Still not quick enough, you need your own lane to avoid people who continue to stand in line and have decision indecision over burgers or chicken strips.
First Aid
Sometimes you need contact lens solution, sometimes you need a bandaid, sometimes you need a tourniquet.
There used to be a shortcut to Storybook Circus beside Space Mountain. The path was lined with outcast smokers who were escaping frantic park-goers by calming themselves with a blast of hotboxed nicotine. You had to be mindful if you took your kids down this path of potential inhalations. They would get about a month’s worth of 2nd and 3rd hand smoke, which may have been enough of a taste to lead them to become lifelong smokers. In honor of that special spot, there is now a line of smokers waiting a the Tron rider out of the eye line of cast members. Smokers never give up; smokers find a way.
I don’t know if you ever could, but I know you can’t drink alcohol at the Magic Kingdom. You can still booze it up at Epcot, Animal Kingdom, and Hollywood Studios and then head on over to Magic Kingdom. However, it doesn’t stop smokers with cigarettes of an electronic nature. No, that’s not pixie dust, it’s vapor clouds.
Can you guess which ride? No, it’s not the auto-flush toilet. Even those have a wait time. On a side note, you should probably add Genie Plus Lightning Lane to the toilet bowl near Pecos Bill’s after you eat two pounds of beef nachos. It’s tough to find zero wait times, but it’s possible. Just a tip, if you ever see a 13-minute wait time on Haunted Mansion or Tower of Terror, there’s no wait.
The park will be closed and you won’t be able to get through the gates, Well you probably could, but you would go to jail. Not Disney jail, but a real jail, where the mice bite. However, if you are on the property then you are safe. Disney Resorts are made to withstand a Category 5 hurricane. They will treat you like royalty and since they are their own municipality, you will have power sooner. However, if they stay open during a hurricane you will have little wait times because people will cancel their vacations.
When it’s hot
You will sweat profusely and you will get dehydrated if you don’t buy the $4 bottles of water. Don’t drink the soda and beer or you will dehydrate faster. And be broker faster
When there are numerous amount of people there
Holidays and weekends are the worst, and holiday weekends are a no-brainer to stay away.
When you just bought new shoes
That is unless you like blisters on your feet. Never take a brand new pair of shoes into the park. Don’t buy a brand new pair of waterproof timberland boots for your July trip. Your boots will be filled with pain and suffering.
When a new ride is open
Well, it might be a good time to visit other areas of the parks except for Guardians of the Galaxy Cosmic Rewind, Tron Lightcycle Run, or Peter Pan’s Flight. Make sure to get a virtual queue
No one really knows the best time to visit
There is no slow season no matter what anyone tells you. If you are going to go, just do it and enjoy your time. Be patient with people because 95% of people are not self aware and will bump into you. If someone says they got on all the rides with no waiting they are lying, and you shouldn’t be friends with liars.
Disney’s newest pirate-themed lounge is ready to welcome EPCOT Drink Around the World guests starting August 29, 2025. The Beak and Barrel brings swashbuckling fun to Magic Kingdom with an immersive Pirates of the Caribbean experience featuring tropical drinks, tasty bites, and nautical entertainment.
What to Expect
This family-friendly pirate pub offers something for every buccaneer:
Themed beverages for all ages, including creative non-alcoholic options like the mysterious Treasure Trove and cookies-and-cream inspired Cursed Treasure
Adventurous food ranging from octopus tentacle salad (Kraken’s Catch) to cheesy corn griddle cakes
Specialty cocktails with Caribbean flair, featuring unique ingredients like ube, hibiscus, and mezcal
Exclusive draft beers and wines from around the world
Interactive entertainment including sing-alongs and storytelling
Don’t Miss These Highlights
Siren’s Whisper: A captivating blue cocktail inspired by the Fountain of Youth
Plunderer’s Punch: Comes in a limited souvenir pirate skull mug (one per guest)
Island Provisions: Shareable Caribbean-inspired appetizers perfect for crews
Plan Your Visit
Reservations open August 14, so mark your calendars! Whether you’re a seasoned swashbuckler or budding buccaneer, The Beak and Barrel promises an unforgettable adventure across the Seven Seas.
When I say coolest rides, I mean rides that you can sit down and cool off. These are not necessarily fun rides but rides when you need a break from the heat and crowds and want to relax a bit. Here are my go-to rides that have relatively low wait-to-ride ratios.
Carousel of Progress
Large air-conditioned theater, low lights, and a nice view of the evolution of technology for the upper-middle-class family. I have noticed that people will get up in the middle of the ride and exit, which will prompt the PA announcer to bellow out hateful instructions to park their can in the seat. But this is my go-to ride on when I’m exhausted, it’s the most comfortable.
Haunted Mansion
Again, cold and dark, but a bit funky smelling. One portion of the ride even reclines so that you can stretch out a bit. Very relaxing until that hitchhiker at the end removes your noggin.
People Mover
It’s air-conditioned the old-fashioned way, wind! Pretty comfortable and they will let you stay on if it’s not to busy. Sit back, put your feet up, and don’t forget to WOOO! when you enter Space Mountain.
Hall of Presidents
Another great show with some history, ignore the massive revisionist history. Just enjoy the show and the people booing Barack Obama and Donald Trump robots.
Disney World Railroad
Best if you ride in the evening and get some more of that wind air conditioning. You can ride as long as you like and it makes a nice alternative to walking from Frontier Land to Main Street at the end of the day.
Remember when Disney had the “human trafficking” scene in the popular Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland and Magic Kingdom? Yes, the ride that features pirates. Just look up what real pirates have done in the past. So if you really think about it, the whole ride should be shut down. This scene was removed and replaced with a lady pirate with red hair trying to move Rum to keep the men drunk. However, the war-mongering, torture, arson, thievery, drunkenness, and domestic violence toward men scenes will stay.
Remember when you needed a FastPass for the FastPass kiosk so you can get more FastPasses. That is probably the number one phrase I hear at Disney, “I’m so glad we got a FastPass”. Really? Who doesn’t want a FastPass? Why would anyone say, “I’m so glad I get to wait in this 90-minute line for a 1-minute and 30-second ride. Of course, you can use the app or book ahead of time. However, it’s not beneficial unless you stay at WDW resort and can get the FP+ for the Mine Train at 8 pm because you still don’t have the inside track on bookings. I recently visited the Magic Kingdom and I felt like I needed to get a FastPass for the trash cans, water fountains, toilet, and even to exit the park.
Daily Irritant 
You must be logged in to post a comment.