Tag: movies

Holiday Classics the Whole Family will Love

~ SA Otey
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Mr Joshua’s arm roasting on an open fire

Elf – There is a debate if Will Ferrel is funny or not. I think he’s probably the funniest in this movie and peaked here.

Christmas Vacation – Been watching this every year since 1990. I didn’t see it the first year it was out because all my friends went to the movies and didn’t bother inviting me. I am no longer friends with that “ringleader” for several reasons.

Die Hard – Saw this when I was a kid and I still watch it every year. Opening gifts and shouting “Yippee Ki Yay MF’er” makes for an interesting morning.

Lethal Weapon – Another Holiday favorite, who doesn’t enjoy Gary Busey’s wrist roasting on an open fire.

Iron Man 3 – I was pumped when I saw Holiday Trees in this movie. Also lots of roasting on open fire references as well as the secret Santa for the barn lab at the end (spoiler)

Shazam! The gift of superpowers and a new family makes it a holiday hit!

Jurassic World The ultimate Christmas Vacation where the zoo animals feast upon you.

Lord of the Rings, Hobbit, Harry Potter – While not technically Christmas movies they did come out at Christmas time so it counts. The same goes for Star Wars The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi, and The Rise of Skywalker.

The Bourne Identity – Follow Jason as he goes on a quest to remember where he hid the Christmas presents.

What are some of your favorite Holiday movies?

Old Movies in Theaters: Are They Worth It?

~ SA Otey

I’ve noticed an uptick in the trend to bring back older movies from the 70s, 80s, and 90s to local theaters. I think it’s a great idea, but unnecessary in our day and age.

I can see the appeal. You can watch an old movie on a large screen with high-quality audio. It’s easy to do now because there are no unwieldy film reels to deal with. All the movies are delivered over the internet or on hard disk drives that basically load into a fancy digital projector. Kinda irks me when they splash the Sony 4K logo before a movie. Really? You are proud that your resolution is lower than celluloid?

The real reason movies are coming back out is because Hollywood is out of ideas. They’ve rebooted every movie franchise they can think of. They’ve created movies based on video and board games. The only untapped market is the cereal industry. I’d pay to see a movie where Captain Crunch fights Count Chocula, Franken, and Boo Berry like Van Helsing.

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Windows XP on the Big Screen!

Should you upgrade your movie ticket to premium?

~ SA Otey

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Regal Premium Experience has been out for a while, and in my opinion, is worth the extra price if you must see the latest hot garbage from Hollywood. You get a comfortable seat, a huge screen, and super loud audio with many speakers. I used to go for the 3D version but have since switched to 2D only because the picture is much sharper. They could make it even more premiumer if they had some way to keep the movie commentators quiet. Maybe some sort of EMP to disable all cell phones so that we are not blinded by blue screen light as we are engrossed in a Xenomorph chomping its way out of a human body cavity.

Of course at my house, I have a pretty large screen, super loud surround speakers, and all the popcorn I want to eat. I can pause the movie anytime I want so no one interrupts the Xenomorph cavity carnage.
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Enough with the end credit scenes!

~ SA Otey

The mid and end-credit scenes are just a way to get you to read all the names of the people who made the movie. That, and see job titles that didn’t know existed. You will then wonder how much an assistant food dolly gripper makes and if it’s the right career move at this point in your life.

The end credit scenes have never been so good that it makes it worth the wait, and yet I still watch them all. Just leave the theater! Then go read a fanboy website that will explain and or theorize what it all means. Then hear them rant about people being bandwagon fans, and they didn’t read the comics when they were growing up. Well, you are right. I was too busy pitching no-hitters and hitting home runs in Little League when I was a kid. Now I can just watch the movie.

The new Superman movie’s end credit scenes are not worth the wait. Just go back and watch Man of Steel, Batman v Superman, and the Snyder cut of Justice League.

How to talk during a movie.

~ SA Otey
marketing man person communication
Louder for those in the front

It’s okay to laugh or cry, but how do you properly converse during a movie? Well, you don’t. When you go to a movie, you sit and enjoy the film and do not run your mouth. We are not paying to hear your commentary. If you don’t shut up during a film, you should probably wait until the DVD/Blu-ray/VHS/Laserdisc is released. There are people who are sitting near you that are on the edge of dumping a soda in your lap. Yes, I purchase the option for free refills.

The Benefits of Reserved Theater Seating

~ SA Otey
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Don’t reserve the seats outside the theater

Why does something get compared to sliced bread whenever it’s considered the best new thing? With a good knife, bread is easy to slice.  However, if I had to pick something as the best thing since sliced bread then I’m going to go with reserved theater seating. I’m so glad that my local theater has deployed this method of sitting.  Using your smartphone to pick the seat you want as soon as tickets go on sale is super convenient. It allows for dinner time beforehand without the pressure of waiting in a line that snakes out the door. It also allows you to skip the 20 minutes of previews that you’ve already seen on Youtube. During that time people have polished off their trough of popcorn so you can skip the part where it sounds like everyone around you is eating wicker furniture.

So what happens when you get to your seat and someone is perched there? It hasn’t happened yet, but in our age of entitlement and equality, it’s only a matter of time before someone complains that it’s not fair that you got the best seat in the house. You know,  because you planned ahead.

Unlock the Secret to Movie Theater Popcorn

~ SA Otey
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I didn’t see this option on the menu.

Why is movie popcorn so delicious, yet we can never replicate it at home? I’ve gotten pretty close, and here’s my super, not-so-secret recipe.

Start with really good popcorn

I recommend Orville Redenbacher because of the quality control and consistency. Don’t buy store brands because they are all terrible. I may be wrong, but I don’t care. Store in an airtight container in the dark pantry. Use 1/2 cup per pop session.

Use Coconut oil

Pop your kernels in coconut oil, that’s what the theaters use. It has a high smoke point so it can get really hot and explode the kernels much better. Plus it tastes better. Use about 3 tablespoons

Use fine ground salt

Popcorn salt is different, it’s finely ground so that it sticks to all the popcorn’s intricate crevasses.

Top it off with fake butter

Real butter is good, but if you want to get close to the movie theater taste, lube up your bowl with this Buttery flavor Popcorn Topping. It may be unnatural, but we aren’t going for healthful when eating movie theater popcorn. We are going for taste, and this one is pretty close.  Try substituting 1 tablespoon of coconut oil with this butter oil.

A Proper Popper

There are several ways to popcorn, but my favorite is the Whirley-Pop. It’s fast and easy to clean up

Why Star Wars’ May 4th Joke Has Lost Its Charm

~ SA Otey
Vader is annoyed

May ordinal number 4 be with you? Well, that doesn’t make sense. That’s because we live in a society where grammar no longer makes sense. I know it’s supposed to be a play on “May the force be with you” and it was cute when it first started. However, now that you see it posted for every Facebook friend you have, the luster is lost. I mean I guess if everything else can have a day, why not Star Wars? Why not release a Star Wars movie every year on May the 4th?

How to buy snacks at the movies

~ SA Otey

I wonder if those Pre-purchased snacks are worth the extra coin? Because recently at the movies I was getting a few overpriced snacks to finish during the previews. Because really, who waits on the movie to polish off a tub of popcorn.  Anyway, I try to pick the shortest line but it never works out for me. I spotted a line with 4 kids and I assumed they were with an adult. To my delight, I saw that each child had their own ziplock bag of money. What I thought was a one to one parent/child transaction now turned into four minor transactions. At this point, all the other lines had snaked into a j-shape near the ticket booth so there was no turning back now.

Oh, it gets better! None of these kids could do simple addition and subtraction so they didn’t know how much money to give the cashier. Thankfully the cashier was able to compute the calculations without the need of an abbicus. Listen, I’m all for teaching kids that paper and coin money exists to be earned and spent. However, movie theaters won’t pause the movie while kids spend a year’s worth of allowance on costly snacks. Parents, do us all a favor and teach that lesson somewhere else. Kids are useful to haul away the goodies but not to partake in the commerce exchange. Maybe I will try Atom next time.

Your children will never have to drive.

~ SA Otey

In all my years driving an automobile, I’ve seen the steep driving skill decline of my fellow humans. Texting and driving have brought out the worst in drivers. My children will ask from the backseat, “What is wrong with the driver in front of us?”.  My parents used to say, “Well, he’s probably full of alcoholic beverages“, but I tell my kids he’s probably playing Disney Emoji Blitz or Candy Crush.

I’m all for mandatory yearly testing to remove drivers from the road that shouldn’t be allowed to maneuver a heavy metal that can potentially lead to vehicular manslaughter. I welcome our automated driving overlords! It will give me more time to eat, text, TikTok and face booking. I can’t wait until people are augmenting their reality with VR headsets while driving. With all the Ubers, Lyfts, and Murder Taxis, your offspring will never have to slalom between 18-wheelers and monster SUVs. Where’s my Johnny Cab?

Busy Driver on Amazon