Tag: Restrooms

How to use a public restroom

~ SA Otey
I’m so lonely

Whenever I’m on the road and see a travel center, they seem to tout the cleanliness of their restrooms. You will see a glowing red sign which reads “Clean Restrooms”.  As it turns out, it’s actually a notification that the restrooms are in need of attention. It seems like everyone is following the same rules when using a public restroom.

  1. If there is no toilet paper use the paper towels, use extra as to clog the toilet.
  2. Don’t pick up any paper products from the floor, even if you dropped them. Gross
  3. Never flush the toilet, even if you have to pile on. Who knows how many people touched that handle before you. This will encourage the owners to upgrade to autoflush. What are we living in, medieval times?
  4. Don’t lift the seat, even with your shoes. If you have to B-1 Bomb it, make sure you lay a few paper towels in the water as a landing pad.
  5. Don’t bother washing your hands, the door handle will just defile them
  6. It’s not your job to wipe down the sink, what are doing near the sink anyway?
  7. If you must wash your hands and they don’t have a Dyson Airblade, now is a good time to practice free throws into rubbish receptacles. Don’t forget rule #2.

One day, I hope to live in a world where everything is automated.

There are no men’s restrooms anymore.

~ SA Otey
IMG_0349
Do you go #1 or #2 in this thing?

On our way back from a long trip, we stopped at a gas station to use the toilets. I noticed a line of ladies had formed outside the bathrooms. As I approached the men’s room, a woman walked out and another one entered without hesitation.

Me: “Are we having some gender confusion here, ladies?”

Random Lady: “Women have babies, so we get to use your bathrooms”

I didn’t understand her logic, so I fired backā€¦

Men get kicked in the testicles, so we can use your bathrooms?

Another time I went to a store and had to use the toilet. Surprisingly, there was only a “Family” and a woman’s restroom. My family wasn’t with me, so I had to use the women’s restroom, no other choice.
It’s not the first time I’ve used a woman’s toilet. I was interviewing for a job and was exhausted from the long flight and the uncomfortable hotel bed. After my lunch with the recruiter, I met my sister at Sam’s club to buy some snacks. I stopped off at the bathroom first and wondered why there were no urinals. I picked a stall next to someone who was sitting. I stood up to pee as normal. As I walked out, I did a doubletake as I saw the “Men’s” sign as I exited the women’s restroom. My sister was doubled over in laughter, but I’m sure the lady who was still in the toilet was just as confused as I was.
Now that we are moving to Gender Neutral restrooms in public places, this gives a whole new meaning to the term, “Baby Changing Stations”. I hope people don’t do anything stupid.

The Hidden Dangers of Bathroom Gadgets

~ SA Otey
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I vote for whatever this thing is. What is the purpose? To help you tear the toilet paper off the roll? How much trouble are people having if they can’t tear toilet paper?

I doubt this thing ever gets cleaned and is constantly caressed by poop fingers. I guess the flush handle is really the nastiest item in the bathroom. If you don’t clean it every day, you will now. You’re welcome.